Fixing What's Broken
by The Dark Knight's Princess
Summary: Sequel to Dangerous Collisions. It's just over three years later, and each day seems harder than the last. Casey has fallen into a dangerous habit, and Alex struggles as she is about to walk down the aisle. Meanwhile, Serena goes the the trials of being a single mother while Liv and Amanda still try to pick up the pieces. This is the story of everyone's road to recovery. R
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ahhh of course I will write another AC Story for you guys! I love you all that much. Now, I've gotta say this is a little more…saddening, than the other stories, simply because it's the sequel to Dangerous Collisions. Casey is going to be very…well you'll see, but like I said, it's the sequel to DC so of course all the characters are gonna be a little shook up. **

**I really hope you guys don't mind if I explore more of the character's POV in this story. Of course it's an AC, but I have an idea for a little side story too, so I hope everyone is okay with that. **

**Unfortunately, it won't exactly be another crossover like the last one was. I couldn't come up with a way to work the Criminal Minds ladies in the story with out making it too overly dramatic. However, they will make an appearance :) **

**I've started this because I quickly and easily lose my muse on OTOS and I'm not the kind of person who has to sit around and just wait for it to come to me. I have to be working on SOMETHING. **

**Anyway, enough of my babbling. Hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Law and Order characters in this, or the Criminal Minds characters who may appear in later chapters. **

Alexandra Cabot absolutely hates changes. Well scratch that, she hates bad changes that don't fix anything, and changes that only end up making things worse in the long run. And over the past three and a half years, that is exactly what has happened. Change; and not change in a good way.

Granted, she can't say that everything in the past three and a half years had been bad. She's been engaged, and is due to marry the love of her life pretty soon, and that is all the reason for her to be happy. Don't get her wrong, she is happy; sometimes.

Other times, she finds herself wondering how she got to where she is, even after the horrid events that happened almost four years ago. Sometimes, it's selfish to think but Alex wonders if it was her that has made this mistake. If it was her that messed up, and caused things to be the way that they are now. It's an answer to a question that she has never been able to come up with and she often sits and thinks about it daily.

With a sigh, she continues to move around the living room of her shared apartment with a plastic bag, picking up the seemingly endless amount of beer bottles that litter the coffee table and even the floor around the coffee table. Honestly, she is positive that she would at least need two hands to count how many packs of beer that are littering her floor, and she knows that it's at least six, if not more. So if one sits down and actual does the math, six, six-packs of beer rounds out to exactly thirty six beers, and for Alex, those thirty six beers are thirty six too many.

Alex finishes cleaning the living room, and places the bag of empty beer bottles in the recycling bin in the corner of the kitchen. She glances at her watch and sighs when she sees that it's a quarter to ten o clock at night. Placing both hands on the counter top, she hangs her head and sighs again, this time, catching the gleam of the beautiful engagement ring on her finger. A small smile crosses she her lips as she examines the diamond that still gives her a reason to smile everyday.

"Why did everything have to change like this." she speaks to the air sadly, still eyeing the ring on her finger. Sometimes, she feels like the ring mocks her. Like it is sitting there on her finger as if to give her a false sliver of hope that things will eventually get better. Alex has never really considered her self to be a very pessimistic person, but lately, she just doesn't know anymore.

Moving away from the counter, she runs her fingers through her hair as she moves over to the untouched plate of dinner still sitting on the table. She knew that after the first hour and a half, that it was foolish of her to leave it out, but there was that ring again, giving her hope, only for her to be let down again.

She picks up the plate off the dinning table and places it on the counter by the sink before she covers it in Saran wrap. She then places the plate in the fridge, frowning when she has to shuffle around the beers to find a place to put it. Alex knows that she could say something, but for some strange reason, she finds herself staying quiet and going with the typical motions of every day. Thankfully, not all of the days after the same.

As she makes her way back into the living room, she can hear the faintest jingling of keys outside of the apartment door. She hears the sudden impact of keys and a muffled swearing before the jingling returns, this time accompanied with the turning of locks.

Seconds later, Casey stumbles through the front door, murmuring to herself about something or other; Alex can't really hear exactly what it is, and frankly, she's not sure if she's going to ask. She watches as Casey makes her way through the foyer, and soon collapses onto the living room couch with out saying a word.

"I put your dinner in the refrigerator." The blonde speaks quietly after a moment of silence. "I wasn't sure when you'd be home. You didn't call."

"I never call." Casey grumbles, not opening her eyes from where she has screwed them shut. "I'm not hungry."

"Did you eat already?" Alex responds with raises eyebrows as she folds her arms.

Casey sighs heavily before she swings her legs off of the couch and stands up to her full height. "Does it matter Alex?" she mumbles as she makes her way into the kitchen. Moments later, she reappears in the living room, clutching two unopened bottles of beer before returning to her prior position; sprawled out on the couch.

Alex sighs and takes a deep breath as she realizes that it's going to be one of those nights. "It matters, because I just want to make sure you're fed. I don't want you getting sick because you refuse to eat anything."

"I'm fine Alex. You always worry too damn much."

"Well you should be glad that someone worries about you. Do you want me to heat up your food for you?"

"I already said I wasn't hungry!"

Alex holds up her hands in surrender as mentally shakes her head. "I'm sorry! I just wanted to make sure. Like I said before, it's in the refrigerator if you want it for later. Please don't stay up all night."

"I'm a grown woman; I can do what I want." Casey grumbles almost inaudibly before she takes a sip of her beer, her eyes not looking away from whatever is playing on the television.

The blonde attorney frowns as she analyzes the annunciation of her fiancée's words. "Casey, are you drunk?"

Casey squeezes her eyes shut and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Did you imply that you were going to bed or something? Leave me alone Alex, I'm not in the mood for your talking tonight. Just go upstairs and do whatever the hell it is you want to do and leave me the hell alone."

"Right, I'm sorry." Alex mutters before she makes her way upstairs to their bedroom. She closes the door behind her and sits on the bed, her form tense and straight as she loses herself in her thoughts. She had hoped that this would be one of the good nights, but once again when Casey wasn't home for dinner, Alex knew that it probably wasn't.

There were times when Casey was incredibly sweet, just like she had been when they first started dating, and even a little while before their engagement. She would buy Alex flowers randomly, they would snuggle on the couch like old times and watch a movie, and she would just be an all around sweetheart.

Then there were times like this when she would be completely cold and distant. She would be cold, distant, and half of the time, drunk as a skunk. Everything was going fine, until that first year after Abbie died, and then it seems like everything in Casey split into those two personalities. Alex just feared that the latter would appear more than the former.

With a sigh, Alex moves from her perch on the bed, and shuffles through one of the drawers for some pajamas. She quickly changes her clothes, and climbs into bed, but not before glancing at the clock, just to see how long it would be before Casey joined her, if she even joined her at all.

By midnight, Alex finds her self being tousled from her slumber when she feels the bed dip next to her. She cracks her eyes open and realizes that two hours isn't exactly that bad, compared to what I could have been. At the same time, she's not foolish, and she knows that she's probably going to have another mess that she's going to have to clean up in the morning.

Sighing, she turns over and tucks her hands under her head as she wills her body to fall back asleep. In her mind, and her heart, she silently wishes that tonight would be a night that Casey would hold her, but she also knows that that thought is only that of wishful thinking. Just like hoping for a change is probably wishful thinking.

**Serena Southerlyn's Apartment **

"What do you mean 'she's still asleep'? It's almost one in the afternoon Alex." Serena says concernedly as a frown creases her forehead.

Alex groans and rests her elbows on her needs before viciously rubbing her eyes underneath her glasses. "I know that Serena, if anyone knows that it's me. But when she sleeps like that, there is literally nothing that I can do to get her out of bed. Hell, I can parade around the house where nothing but a tiara, and she still wouldn't even think about budging."

"When you say like that, you mean hung over." The other woman confirms with a nod of her head.

Alex sighs and sits back against the couch. "It's like she doesn't even get hung over anymore. She's become immune to it."

"That's not good Alex. You need to get her some help."

"I know it's not good! And I can't get her help, if she doesn't even admit to having a problem. I just…she's not always like this, you know she's not. She's a completely different person, at work, and sometimes at home, she is really super sweet, but then there is this and I just don't know what to do. I mean, she goes through beers like they're tissues! Yesterday I swear that I picked up almost forty beer bottles from my living room floor, after I had just done so, almost two nights before that."

Serena opens her mouth to respond but pauses when she feels a tugging on her hand. She looks away from Alex and glances down at her daughter who is looking up at her with expectant blue eyes. "Yes, what is it sweetie?"

"Can I have a cookie Mommy? You said that I could…" Sierra asks innocently as she gives her mother's hand another gentle squeeze.

Serena gives her best friend an apologetic smile before she stands up from the sofa. "Of course honey, I did say that you could have a cookie. Keep Auntie Alex company while I go get your cookie…Alex would you like a cookie?"

"No I'm fine, thanks." Alex responds with a chuckle as she watches the other woman disappear into the kitchen. She turns her attention back to her goddaughter who is slightly struggling to take her mother's spot on the sofa. "Would you like some help sweetie?"

"No, I got it." Sierra responds as she screws up her face in determination to get onto the sofa. She finally hikes her leg up and gains the leverage that she needs to shimmy onto the cushions. She repositions herself before giving Alex a wide grin. "See?"

Alex smiles at the sheer adorability of the little girl in her presence. There is nothing more in the world that she would want than to have a little girl of her own, but still even after four years, that topic still remains in the wind.

Sierra's brow furrows and she tilts her head to the side. "How come you looks so sad?"

"I'm no sad sweetie, I'm just…sleepy." Alex responds, pretty amazed at how the child is able to see right through her.

Sierra looks very unconvinced but her almost four year old mind allows her to move on quickly. "Where's Aunt Casey?"

"Oh, she's at home. She was very sleepy today, so she decided to stay in bed. I wanted to come visit you and your mommy so I let her sleep."

"Oh. I don't ever let Mommy sleep this late."

"That's right you don't." Serena speaks up reentering the room with a cookie in hand. She gives the cookie to her daughter and watches in amusement as she squeals in excitement. "God Olivia has spoiled that child rotten. You know it's because of her that Cece is hooked on cookies, ice cream, and every other sweet you can imagine that is designed to run me insane. I'm not sure who is worse, you or Liv. I would want to say Liv simply because she comes with ice cream and toys. You come with one or the other."

Alex snickers upon hearing her best friend's mini rant about motherhood. "Because I want you to like me still, duh." She jokes lightly before her tone turns curious. "You and Liv seem to be getting pretty close. What's going on there?"

Serena frowns as she digs deep to find a little more to Alex's words than the blonde is letting on. "She's just being a good friend like the rest of you Alex, that's all. Her doing stuff for my child does not insinuate any romantic feeling because I know that's what you're referring to Alex; I saw that smug glint in your eye. And also, she is still very much in love with Amanda. She's just being nice, Al."

"Okay, okay, I just had to ask. It just seemed like there was a little more there, that's all."

"Well, there isn't. Oh, Sierra just adores her though. It's like there is just something about Olivia that just has her specially made for children. Sometimes, I feel like Sierra likes her more than she likes me."

Alex gives her best friend's hand a squeeze and smiles. "You're a wonderful mother, and that little girl loves you more than anything. There's no doubt you're the most important thing in the world to her."

Serena can see the sadness swirling around in Alex's steely blue eyes and to be honest, it makes her a little sad her self. "You're going to have children someday, I know you will." She whispers, knowing just how badly Alex still wants kids. "So, we're almost to the big day, are you excited? Are you nervous?"

"A little of both. I think I'm more nervous than anything. I keep having this recurring dream that I rip my dress and fall when I'm walking to the altar. We have my dress, Casey has her dress, we have the flowers, everything for the reception, the cakes been ordered, invites have been responded too, it's just waiting now I guess…I'm just so nervous Serena I'm getting married!"

"To Doctor Henry Jekyll it seems like." Serena deadpans, still at concerns for Casey's behaviors.

Alex's smile falls and she visibly deflates at her best friend's serious tone. "Now don't you start Rena, don't you start. I already told you, Casey still loves me no matter what, I know that much. She loves me, and I love her."

Serena nods quickly and takes Alex's hands in her own. "I know, and I know its love that's keeping you two together. I'm just saying, as your best friend. I love you, you know that right? And I am super excited about attending your wedding as your maid of honor. Although, I promise Cece is more excited about being the flower girl."

"I bet she is. She is going to look so cute in her little dress." Alex coos before she stands up from the couch. "Anyway, I really should head home to check on things. Hopefully Casey is feeling better today."

Serena stands up as well and wraps the other blonde into a firm hug. "Be safe. I love you." she murmurs before placing a kiss to her best friend's cheek. "Cece, come say bye to Alex!"

Seconds later, Alex hears a little patter of feet before there is a small weight clutching her tightly around her knees. She chuckles before she leans down and picks up the little girl in her arms. "You're getting so big you know that? And you look more and more like your mother everyday."

"That means I'm really pretty then." Sierra states with a grin before she wraps her arms around Alex's neck in a hug. "Love you Aunt Ali."

"Love you too sweetie." Alex replies, fighting tears as she hands the little girl back to her mother. "Bye Serena, I'll see you later.

"By Al, be safe." Serena waves one handedly while the other hand balances her daughter.

Alex loses herself in her thoughts as she makes her way back to her home. She really does enjoy spending time with Sierra and Serena. They're just the cutest little family and she just loves fawning over the both of them.

She pushes open the door and is a little surprised to hear the TV going in the living room. Upon entering the living room, she sighs when she sees the familiar beer bottles littering the coffee table, thankfully some of which are unopened.

"Where the hell were you?" Casey snaps as she quickly turns her head away from the television.

Alex frowns and rolls her eyes at the question. "I told you, I was going to see Serena. You know, for those all of two seconds that you were awake this morning." she retorts quickly.

Just then, everything happens in a flash and she soon finds herself being pushes roughly against the wall. She opens her mouth to respond, but is quickly silenced when she feels a sloppy kiss planted on her lips. Frowning, she winces mentally when she can literally taste the alcohol in Casey's mouth before the need for oxygen becomes far to great. "Casey, stop."

Casey smirks and places another sloppy kiss to Alex's lips. Her usually vibrant green eyes have gone dark with lust and something else that Alex hasn't seen before. "Come on baby, you know you like it rough." She husks, sliding her hand under Alex's shirt and squeezing her breasts a little harder than intended which causes the blonde to yelp.

Alex summons nearly all of her strength to push Casey away from her and she pulls down her shirt with a firm look in her eyes. "I am NOT going to have sex with you while you are drunk like this. I'm not." she snips before she quickly dashes up the stairs and slams the bedroom door, locking it behind her.

Even in her drunken state, Casey's glare softens and she realizes that when Alex looked at her just a minute ago, she saw something in the blonde's eyes that she's never seen before when Alex looked at her; fear. Alex was afraid of her then, and it's all her fault. When did she change so much? And why?

**Guys…I'm not gonna lie. It is going to be killer hard to write a story that Abbie Carmichael is NOT in. I mean...I just…I don't know how I'm gonna make it! Anyhow, there was the first chapter. It was a little long but I know how much you guys love long chapters. Leave your feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

"Alex, open the door." Casey says as she knocks on the bedroom door for probably the tenth time. She tries the door once again but sighs when it doesn't budge. "Alex, c'mon…open the door."

"No!" Alex's voice rings through the door loud and clear. "Why should I? So you can come in here and force me to sleep with you?!"

"Al, you know that I would never force you to do anything."

"Then what the hell was that downstairs?! You're drunk Casey, and I don't want to be anywhere near you if you're going to be aggressive like that, so just go away."

Casey closes her eyes and rests her head against the door, knocking once more as if it will cause the door to open on it's own. "Alex please, I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Well you did." Alex retorts quickly, still making no move to unlock the door. "Casey, your drinking is getting ridiculous. You have a problem. Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I don't have a problem! I'm fine; I've already told you this before. Why don't you listen to me?"

"If you didn't have a problem then you wouldn't be drinking the way that you do. And you wouldn't be drunk during the day like this. I just want to know why you won't let me help."

Casey exhales sharply as she squeezes her eyes shut once again, trying to will away the pounding headache that is slowly brewing in the back of her head. "Alex, I said I was sorry, what more do you want from me?"

"How about get help?" Alex reiterates, wondering why it is that her point once again isn't getting across like it she hoped that it would.

"There's nothing wrong with me! Well you please open the door so we can talk to each other properly and not like an elderly married couple?" Casey pauses when she doesn't hear any movement on the other side of the door. She sighs when she realizes that Alex isn't going to open the door, and she makes her way down to the guest room where she's made her self comfortable on more than one occasion.

Alex still sits on the edge of the bed with her arms tightly folded across her chest and her stare is so intent on the floor that one would about halfway expect her to burn a hole through it. Her eyes close and she takes a few deep breaths once she hears Casey make her way from the door.

Honestly, she can't even remember when things have ever been this…bad for lack of a better term. It seems like four years ago her life was damn near perfect and now everything looks like it's been shot to hell.

Finally getting up from the bed, she makes her way over to the door and hesitantly unlocks it. She then steps out into the hall and makes her way down towards the guest room, pausing when she hears the shower going in the bathroom.

"God Case, I love you but something has gotta change." She murmurs as she makes her way down the stairs to do her traditional cleaning of the new found mess.

Alex moves over to the sink where she washes her hands, and she soon falls into her own thoughts about what she's going to do. She has no idea how long she has been standing there but she comes to terms that it must have been awhile when she feels arms encircle around her waist from behind.

"What're you thinking about?" Casey hums as she nuzzles the side of the blonde's neck.

Alex is thankful that the ever before present smell of alcohol has completely disappeared and is replaced by the familiar commingled scent of Casey's shampoo and body wash as well as her favorite toothpaste. "I don't know; just thinking about us I suppose. How we're this close to getting married, how we're going to spending the rest of our lives together, maybe even start a family."

Casey tenses at the mention of a family once again, and she knows that Alex mentioned it on purpose. She really doesn't want to fight about it right now, so she just simply decides to look over the comment. "Yes, and I would want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you."

Alex feels her heart sink when Casey doesn't respond to her comment about having a family, so instead, she tries to use a different tactic. "So, I went over to Serena's today. Cece is really sweet you know. She asked about you."

"Hm, what'd she say?"

"She just wondered where you were, why you didn't go with me. Like I said, she's really adorable, and Serena tells me she's super excited about being our flower girl."

"She's a good kid." Casey responds, her tone a little more dismissive than she had intended for it to be. She knows exactly what Alex is trying to do, and that was sort of her silent way of saying that it wasn't going to work.

With a sigh, Alex spins in her lover's embrace and runs her fingers through damp crimson locks. "Why don't you like children Baby? I think they're just wonderful."

A frown creeps across Casey's face and she tilts her head to the side in question. "I like Sierra." She points out evenly.

"That's not I mean." Alex replies shaking her head, her eyes casting downward briefly before they make eye contact again. "I mean, why don't you want start our own family? Have a child of our own?"

Casey sighs and she ducks her head as she purses her lips. "I don't want to fight with you on this Alex, please."

"I don't want to fight either, I just want to know why. You know?" Alex states quietly, her eyes pleading for an answer.

"I just don't know Alex." Casey says with a small sigh. "Children are just so much work Al. They cost a lot of money, they're messy, and they're loud. One of us would have to take off work for something at one time or another. I just…I dunno. I just don't like kids…"

Alex sighs sadly and gently strokes her lover's cheek with her hand as she nods sadly, her gaze cast down to the floor. "Right, of course. T-that's fine. Listen, I think I'm going to head out to get some groceries later, you wanna come?" she asks trying to change the subject.

Casey shakes her head before she turns her head slightly and places a kiss to the inside of Alex's hand. "Nah, that's okay. Think I'll just hang around here and watch TV. Maybe find a baseball game or something."

_'Baseball means that you'll be drinking again._' Alex thinks to her self, but refrains from saying it for slight fear of the consequences of doing so. "Right…well, you have fun with that. Let me know if you change your mind okay?"

"Okay. I will. Hey, I love you. You know that?"

"Yeah, I know…I love you too."

**Meanwhile…**

Olivia sighs exhaustedly as she steps off of the elevator at the precinct. Frowning to her self, she can't exactly shake the feeling that something is wrong, but as always, she tries to push the thought into the back of her mind, and prepare her self for the worst.

Shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she strides into the squad room, and she immediately knows that something is off; something just feels off. Everyone is quietly doing their paperwork with out even looking up at her entrance when at least one of them usually has something to say.

"Don't all greet me at once." She greets the rest of the squad with a small twang of dry humor.

"Oh, hey Liv." Elliot says flatly barely looking up from his desk before he buries himself back into his paperwork.

Olivia frowns and looks over to Fin for prepared to trade a question for an answer when she notices that they are one person short in the squad room. Her frown deepens when she strides over to Amanda's desk and immediately notices the badge and gun placed atop of it, with the rest of it so clean that you can practically see yourself in it. "Where's Amanda?" she asks quickly, worry beginning to slowly set in.

"She left this morning." Cragen says sadly as he steps out of his office. She came in early this morning, cleaned out her desk and turned in her badge and gun before she left. She didn't say why she was quitting, but she said that she could do this anymore. I tried to get her to explain what it was that she couldn't do, but she kept shaking her head and begging me not to question her. Like I said, she didn't say why she was quitting, she just…quit. Did she not tell you?"

The brunette detective's face falls and she shakes her head sadly. "No she didn't. We never even talked about it." she murmurs before she starts heading back towards the elevator. "I'm sorry, I-I have to go, I have to…I have to find her."

Ignoring the calls from her partner, Olivia forgoes taking the elevator and quickly descends the stairwell where she makes her way back down to her car. Even on the drive over to her lover's apartment, she can't come up with a plausible reason on why Amanda didn't talk about this with her, or even how long she was thinking about turning in her shield.

The drive lasts a little longer than needed and Liv grabs something from her glove box before she jumps out of the car and makes her way up to her girlfriend's apartment. Instead of knocking, she immediately inserts her key into the door and lets her self in, gasping at what she sees.

The apartment is pretty much empty as if someone has intentionally cleared it out completely. She moves towards the bedroom when she hears a noise and cautiously pushes open the door in time to see Amanda shoving her clothes into a suitcase. "M-Mandy?"

Amanda looks up from the suitcase and sniffs before wiping her eyes. "H-hey Liv." She forces out hoarsely as if she's been crying for a while. "What're you doing here?"

"I went into work this morning and you weren't there. I asked about you and Cragen told me you turned in your shield this morning. How long were you thinking about doing this?" Olivia asks as she tries to keep the hurt out of her tone.

"It's…been a while." The blonde admits as she shamefully aims her eyes towards the floor. "It's been a while."

"And you didn't tell me? We didn't talk about it, I thought everything was…fine?"

"It's not fine Liv. It's not. I tried to tell myself that it was but it's just not. I realize that I was almost four years ago, but Liv, this isn't going away. I've talked to George, I've talked to several specialists, I just…it's not going away! Every time I close my eyes I'm back down in that cellar. Whenever I go to sleep, I'm back down in that dark cold cellar where it smells like nothing but death and sex. Then I see his face, and he does whatever it is he wants to do. I couldn't move Liv, god, I couldn't move, I couldn't fight like I was supposed to! I was weak, and I disappointed everyone one, and I failed…I failed Abbie."

"Amanda, don't say that. You didn't fail Abbie, she knows that-"

"What she knows is that it is my fault that she's dead. I watched him Liv, I should have fought him so he wouldn't have shot her. I should have been strong, and because I was weak, Sierra is missing a mother. It's because of me that that sweet innocent little girl doesn't have two mothers than can tuck her in at night, or, or take her to the park to play, or watch movies or pick her up from school, or any of the other things that mothers are supposed to do with their children! And it's because of me that Serena cried her self to sleep for practically a year just like I heard Alex say she did! I can't live with these demons anymore Olivia, I just can't do it."

Olivia swallows the lump in her throat and steps forward where she reaches out to place her hand on Amanda's arm but pulls back when the blonde finches. "But, what about me?" she chokes out to, flinching when she realizes how selfish that sounds. "What about us?"

Amanda laughs lightly as she hangs her head and wipes her tears away. "I love you so much, you know that? I love you so much, and that's another reason I have to go. You deserve better. You deserve someone who isn't as broken as I am. You deserve someone who you can hold at night, someone who won't flinch when you touch her, and who will let you kiss her and make love to her. You just…deserve someone better, someone better than me."

"But, I love you. I love you, and only you, and I don't want anyone else."

"And I love you too. Which is why I have to leave. God, I'm so sorry for doing this, I just…it's what's best, for the both of us okay?"

With a sigh, Olivia hangs her head before she takes a much needed deep breath. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to move back in with my mom." Amanda explains sadly. "You're a very special woman Olivia, and you deserve someone special. I'm sorry that I couldn't be that person for you." she concludes before picking up her suitcase. "I need to go put this in the car…"

Olivia opens her mouth to add more but finds her self stepping to the side as Amanda makes her way past and out the bedroom. She stands in complete shock for a moment before she remembers what she it was that she picked up from her glove box.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulls out a black velvet ring box and tries to keep her emotions in check as she opens it; she Olivia Benson and Olivia Benson does not cry, at least, not like this. She sighs heavily when she runs her finger over the simple diamond ring nestled in the box.

"You really are nothing special, and you most definitely don't turn heads like you probably should, but she would have made you look beautiful." She murmurs to the ring before she places it on the top of one of the empty dressers. Feeling like she's more than worn out her welcome, she shoves her hands in her pockets and leaves.

When Amanda makes her way back up to her apartment to get the rest of her things she notices that Olivia is gone. Wiping away her finally subsided tears, she makes her way back into her bedroom where she notices something sitting on her dresser.

She walks over to the dresser and gasps when she sees the simple engagement ring sitting soundly inside of the black velvet box. She places her hand over her mouth as she picks up the box to examine it closely.

"She was going to propose…"

**Later That Night **

Alex finishes putting up the groceries and sighs contently to her self as she realizes that she's had a relatively good day, despite the rocky morning that she had. She's gotten some things done, and she feels productive, and most of all, she's slightly gotten rid of the nerves that come with her getting married soon.

After double checking the locks, she cleans up the couple of beer bottles that were left on the coffee table before she makes her way up to the bedroom. She notices Casey already lying in bed staring blankly at the ceiling.

"I was wondering when you'd come to bed." Casey hums as she watches her fiancée slip under the covers next to her. She scoots closer and wraps her arms around Alex before she begins placing soft kisses up and down her neck.

"Casey…" Alex says calmly as she feels the kisses on her neck and the warm hands caressing the skin under her shirt. She waits another moment before she gently pushes on the redhead's shoulder. "Casey, not tonight. I'm not in the mood."

"Come on Al, it's been a while." Casey purrs as she begins nibbling on her lover's earlobe.

Alex shrugs out of the embrace and scoots over in the bed, putting a fair amount of distance between the two of them. "I'm serious Case. I'm not in the mood. Just not tonight…not while you've been drinking." She trails off into a sad whisper.

Casey rolls her eyes and sighs exasperatedly. "Alex seriously, I'm not even drunk. I only had two beers, maybe. It's not even that big a deal." She pauses before her tone goes into irritation. "C'mon Babe, I wanna have sex…"

"Yeah, well I don't; especially not after what happened this morning."

"I said I was sorry, what more do you want? How are we gonna spend out honeymoon if you won't even have sex with me now? Isn't that the whole point of the honeymoon?!"

Alex sits up pin straight while her eyes are laced with hurt. "I just don't want to have sex right now! That's all. We can have sex later, just not now. Please, I want to go to sleep. I'm tired Baby…"

Casey huffs irritably before she lies back down and turns over to the other side of the room. "You're always tired." She spits venomously before turning out her bedside light and muttering a rather dark 'night'.

Alex sighs and turns out her own light before she slinks down into the warmness of the blankets. She lies there staring at the ceiling for a moment wondering if this would be a night where Casey would turn over and hold her.

After probably about ten minutes of hopeful waiting, she sighs when she hears the familiar even sound of Casey sound asleep next to her.

_'Guess not…' _

**A rather sad chapter…but it's a sad story. Anyway, hope to get a little more feedback on this one. Leave your feedbacks!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

**The Next Day **

Alex descends the stairs and lingers there for a moment as she observes Casey sitting on the couch watching something on the television. Taking a deep breath she makes her way further into the living room and sits down next to her fiancée.

"Good morning." she quips, hoping to start out the day in a positive mood, praying that Casey will catch on.

Casey simply grunts in response and doesn't tear her attention away from the television. She reaches for her beer bottle but winces when Alex starts talking again.

"You know you shouldn't drink this early in the morning…it's not good for your health."

"I'll drink it when I want to drink it… "

Alex sighs heavily before she reaches for the bottle her self and sits it further away on the coffee table. "Just hear me out for today? I want us to spend time together today. Maybe go out and just do something. We could go to a movie or eat at that restaurant that you like so much. Just you and me, no work or anything; does that sound okay to you?"

"Can we have sex?" Casey questions flat out, still not turning to look at the woman next to her.

Alex's eyes drop for a moment and a feint blush appears on her face. "Casey, that's not exactly what I had in mind…"

"But Alex, c'mon, it's been forever, and I am literally dying to touch you. You love me don't you?" Casey questions again as she scoots closer o the blonde on the couch.

"Of course I love you."

"Then how come we haven't been intimate with each other? I'm trying Alex, I really am, but how can I keep trying if you keep denying me like this? Let's just be like we used to for a little while."

Alex sighs quietly, but doesn't choose to respond when she feels wet kisses being peppered up and down her neck. She waits for a minute until she feels Casey's lips connect with her own and she kisses back as much as her conscience will allow. A small frown creases across her forehead when she gets into the quality of the kiss. It's different than usual, and it's not a good different. The kisses are beyond sloppy and she feels like Casey is groping her like a horny teenager rather than the affectionate touches that she's become so accustomed to in their relationship.

"We sh-should go to the bedroom." She pants when they break yet another rather sloppy kiss.

"I want to take you right here Baby." Casey purrs as she gently pushes Alex back into a laying position on the couch. She growls in pleasure when she slides her fiancée's panties down her long legs and runs her fingers through her folds.

Alex groans when she feels Casey ouch her, but contrary to what she's leading the redhead to believe, the groan is far from pleasurable. She knows that it might hurt a little simply because she isn't turned on in the slightest, but she knows that the consequences of stopping this now would be far worse than just going with it. So, to make sure that Casey is happy, she does something that she hasn't done since she hooked up with this girl in law school; she begins faking it.

"Oh God, Case," she moans, pulling Casey down for another kiss. She briefly tenses when she feels fingers enter her, especially since she isn't wet in the moment.

"God, I've missed this." Casey husks as she finds a steady rhythm and buries her face in the crook of Alex's neck.

Alex fights the urge to roll her eyes as this continues to progress. She counts backwards from ten twice before she finally begins clenching her lower muscles and throws in a moan here and there for some add measures. Finally after another moment, she 'releases' and proceeds to ride out her 'orgasm' in pleasure. "Your fingers are amazing." She purrs as the two of them share several kisses.

Casey hums into the kiss and smiles sincerely, completely oblivious to the events that have just transpired. "I know Baby…I love you."

"I love you too." Alex responds. She mentally scowls when she realizes that this is probably the first time that she's ever had to fake an orgasm with Casey, and with the way that things are going right now, she has a feeling that it won't be her last either.

**Meanwhile…**

"Here you go Liv," Serena says as she hands the detective the cup of coffee before returning to her earlier spot on the couch.

"Thanks…" Olivia murmurs, staring into the black liquid in the cup before she forces a smile on her face.

Serena sees this, but decides to forego asking about it, and deems it something that she will most definitely mention later, or at least when the time is right. "So, how's work?"

Olivia flinches for a moment before she shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. "It's fine. Nothing interesting really happened. What about you?"

"Same I guess. Everyday I kinda worry that Kim is gonna quit on me simply because she's getting tired of me." the blonde chuckles as she leans back into the couch. Her smile fades when she sees that same far out look on Olivia's face that she saw a little while earlier. She opens her mouth to say something about it, but is interrupted by her daughter verbally announcing her presence.

"Mommy, Mommy!" Sierra calls happily as she runs up to her mother holding a piece of white paper.

"What is it honey?" Serena questions in response, turning her attention to the overactive three year old.

"I drawed you a picture!" the tiny blonde announces proudly as she hands over the sheet of paper. She then proceeds to climb into Olivia's lap, something that she's taken a habit to doing whenever the brunette comes to visit. "Hi, Livia!"

"Hi sweetie." Liv responds with a smile as she smoothes the girls stray hairs back into her ponytail. "What'd you draw for your Mommy?"

A smile creeps across Serena's features as she gazes down at the crayon drawing in her hands. She smiles wider when she sees that there are two stick figures with straight yellow hair holding hands, one being taller than the other. "Is this us Cece?" she asks, earning a happy nod from her daughter. Her smile only wavers a little when she finally sees something that she didn't notice before. "But, whose that sweetheart?" she questions curiously pointing to the stick figure with waving black hair standing over what looks like clouds.

"That's Momma, silly." Sierra responds as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "You said that Momma is always watching me, so that means she's an angel right? And the angels are in the clouds!"

Serena feels a small tear spring to her eyes and she blinks rapidly trying to keep it from falling. "That's right sweetheart, she is an angel, and she loves you just as much as I do." she whispers, more to her self than to anyone else before she hands over the picture again. "How about you go color it some more and then when you're done, we can put it in a picture frame?"

"Okay Mommy!" Sierra exclaims as she takes her picture back and reluctantly wiggles from her favorite detective before scampering off back to her room.

Once she's sure that her daughter is out of sight and earshot, Serena allows that single tear to fall. "I've always shown her pictures and told her stories about Abbie, but she's so young, I just never thought she'd catch on this fast."

"She's a smart kid," Olivia replies, her heart warming at the mother/daughter moment she just witnessed. "She picks up on a lot more than you think. Pretty soon before you know it, she'll be asking you where babies come from."

"Oh god, I don't think I'm ready for that." Serena groans as she drags her hands through her hair. She is silent for a moment before she remembers what it was she wanted to say earlier. "Liv, are you alright? You seem a little…off today?"

The detective's head snaps up with her eyes wide before she quickly shakes her head. "No, I'm fine. Why would you ask?"

Serena smiles warmly, and speaks in a tone that she reserves for victims families. "Olivia, I may not be a detective, but I am an attorney, and I do tend to pick up on some things. Something is wrong, and I just want you to know that its okay to tell me what it is."

Olivia sighs heavily before she leans forward and rests her elbows on her knees. "Amanda left me yesterday…" she murmurs sadly as she recalls the events of the day before. "She didn't just leave me, she left all together. She quit down at the precinct. She turned in her shield, and packed up her apartment. The thing is, she didn't even tell me what she was doing, or what she was thinking about doing. I just went over there, and saw her packing…"

"Oh my god Liv, I'm so sorry." Serena says sadly, knowing exactly what it feels like to have a lover depart your life in a spontaneous and unexpected manner.

"Yeah, it's really ironic that she left now," Olivia continuous, chuckling to keep her emotions at bay. "I was gonna propose to her…I guess that was her way of saying no right?"

"C'mon, don't think that way. There was no way she could have known that you were going to propose to her. But, I'm so sorry that this happened the way it did. Did you tell her you were going to propose?"

"Nah, I didn't, I just left the ring at her place before I left. I wouldn't blame her if she threw it away though, it really wasn't that impressive. Especially after you see the huge ass rock that Alex has on her finger, it kinda discourages you when you go ring shopping and see what you can afford."

Serena frowns before she shakes her head. "It isn't about how much it costs or how flashy it is. It's the thought that counts really; the sentiment is what matters. Don't repeat this, but something tells me that the ring that you got Amanda is probably worth far more in sentiment than the one Alex is sporting on her finger. At least, that's how it looks right now anyway…"

Olivia raises her eyebrows as she listens to the statement. "Are they still having issues…?"

"It seems like it. Alex kind of has an on/off switch for what's going on. One moment she says everything is fine, and the next, she's telling me everything that seems wrong. Although, when she says that everything is fine, it seems like she's trying to convince herself more than she's trying to convince me. Casey is a good woman, please don't get me wrong, it's just she's changed so much, no one really knows who she is anymore. Alex says that she'll drink her self to sleep on the weekends, and get stupid drunk when she comes home from work. I feel like it's only a matter of time before she shows up wasted in court…"

"Yeah, because _THAT'S_ just what Petrovsky needs…"

**Later That Day **

"Wait, you _faked_ an orgasm?" Kim asks in utter disbelief as she and Alex continue to flip through the flower booklet.

"I've never had to do that with her Kim, ever. It was probably the worse five minutes of my life." Alex groans as she shakes her head. "I want her to make love to me, but she wants to have sex. Believe me, the two things are completely different. I found that out today. I mean, I wasn't even turned on at all. She was so sloppy; it's almost as if I've been sleeping with an entirely different person."

Kim narrows her eyes and shakes her head in disapproval. "So you let her? Why didn't you say anything?"

Alex squeezes her eyes shut and wills away the blush that is beginning to creep down her neck. "Honestly? I didn't want to deal with whatever crap she was going to give me if I argued against her. I really wasn't in the mood for that this morning, so I just gave her what she wanted so she'd be happy and not snap at me again. The last thing that I wanted was for her to shove me against the wall again and shove her tongue down my throat." Alex winces as she realizes what she's said, and as soon as the words leave her mouth she wishes she could take them back.

"…she what?!" Kim screeches causing the few people in the floral shop to stare at the two of them. "

"It wasn't much of anything! She was just a little drunk and I must've said something that upset her, that's all. It wasn't that big of a deal. She apologizes later, and she felt really bad about it."

"Has she ever hit you?"

Alex's eyes widen to the size of car tires and her mouth hangs open in disbelief. "Why would you ask that? This is Casey we're talking about, and you know that she would never lay a hand on anyone, let alone me."

Kim gives Alex a look as she crosses one leg over the other. "The Casey that I know also wouldn't drink excessively like she's been doing. You need to take her to see someone about this Alex. You work in special victims; you know that this is how abusive relationships start."

"Casey would never abuse me in any way! She loves me, she respects me, and I know for a fact that she would never do that. She's just been a little upset that's all."

"But that's how it always starts isn't it? She'll get a little upset, then she'll start screaming at you for no apparent reason at all; maybe because you left the television on or something small like that. Then one night she'll get insanely drunk and maybe even slap you across the face because she's mad about whatever small thing pissed her off. Later on she'll apologize and say it'll never happen again. Then one day, it'll get so bad to the point where she actually hits you, and she does it more than once. You'll show up to work with a bruise and lie to the rest of us by saying you walked into a table. Then it'll eventually get so bad to the point where Serena is probably going to end up prosecuting your case because it got too far out of control. Look, I'm not saying that Casey IS going to hurt you. I love her to death, believe me I do, and in her rational state of mind, I know that she would never even hurt a fly, but Alex, you and I both know for a fact that she isn't in her rational state of mind. I'm not saying that any of that is going to happen, but in the off chance that something does, I don't want you to get hurt."

Alex hangs her head before she gives a small nod. She knows that Kim is right, and the facts slightly scare her. "I know…I just I love her so much, and I'm so worried about her. She won't acknowledge that there is a problem, and until she does that, there really isn't anything I can do."

Kim purses her lips and nods in comprehension. "I see what you're saying. Look, you need to talk to her, and make sure she's not drunk when you do. We all know why she's drinking like this, and you need to tell her that drinking excessively is not going to bring Abbie back from the dead."

"I know. Maybe I'll just wait and she'll come to me when she's ready…" the blonde murmurs quietly.

"Which will be when? You don't know." Kim continues on. "Answer me this; has she ever scared you?"

Alex looks up and frowns at the question. "Of course, I'm scared at what she's going to end up doing to her self."

Kim shakes her head and slightly turns in her seat. "That's not what I mean. I mean, has she ever scared you. Was there ever a brief moment, even if it was just a second, where you were afraid of her."

"Maybe a couple of times, but that doesn't necessarily mean-"

"A couple of times is a couple of times too many. You need to do something. You can't just wait for her to come to you, because if she does, it might not be with what you want."

Alex hangs her head as she lets her friend's statement ring in her ears. She knows that Kim is right…again. "I'm afraid of her Kim…" she admits shamefully.

"What?"

"I'm afraid of her. Not _for_ her, _of_ her…"

"So what are you going to do?"

"I-I really don't know."

**Leave your feedback?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This chapter is long…but I guess a chapter can never be TOO long right? **

**Someone said that if this isn't an A/C endgame, they can't read it. Have I ever written an A/C story where the ending was NOT A/C? If I haven't done it already, I don't intend to do it now. If I were gonna do that, the listing would most definitely NOT say A. Cabot & C. Novak. But it does, so you have nothing to worry about. **

**Happy Readings ;)**

_**Chapter 4**_

Kim huffs to her self as her heels click against the hardwood floors on her way down to Casey's office. About a week or so has passed since her rather interesting talk with Alex and she, Olivia, and Serena had sat down and had a nice long discussion on what should be done, and or said. As people, they know it really should be none of their business, but as friends, the three of them couldn't help but feel like someone needed to intervene. Unfortunately, the brunette attorney was the one who 'won out' quote unquote the others.

Don't get her wrong, it isn't that Kim doesn't want to say something; in fact, it's most likely the opposite. But it's just the other fact that she has kind of a temper, especially when it comes to things that have bothered her for a very long time. This is one of those things. Some things you can't go angry and demanding, and once again, this is probably one of those things. But at the same time, maybe toughness is what Casey needs to make her listens.

Without even bothering to knock, she slips into the redhead's office and closes the door behind her, frowning when Casey doesn't even look up from what she's doing.

"What do you want Kim?" Casey asks, scribbling her signature across a piece of paper before finally meeting her colleague's less than pleased gaze.

"We need to talk." Kim says flatly, walking further into the office.

Casey narrows her eyes for a moment as she moves to stand up from her chair. "I can't, I have court." She murmurs, wanting to put a stop to the conversation before it gets started.

Kim rolls her eyes and places her hand on Casey's shoulder before forcefully pushing her back down into the chair. "I know your schedule, no you don't." she says flatly before crossing her arms tightly. "As I said before, we need to talk. You're getting married in less than twenty four hours; one would think that you'd be a little more happy than this."

Casey shrugs and rests her elbows on her desk. "The nerves aren't really having time to show. It doesn't really feel like tomorrow, but it is. I dunno, I guess it'll hit me in the morning when I'm sweating bullets and stumbling over words. Forgive me, but something tells me you didn't come in here to talk about my wedding tomorrow."

"Well yes, and no. But you're right, I didn't. I did, however, come in here to warn you not to fuck anything up."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Alex talks Casey, she talks to me, she talks to Liv, and you know down well that she talks to Serena. We all know that you have a problem that you refuse to get fixed, and honestly? It's running Alex up a wall."

Casey frowns and looks down at her desk before she shakes her head in disagreement. "I don't have a problem." She states in the same tone as she has done many times before when Alex has said the same thing. "There's nothing wrong with me, and frankly, this really isn't any of your business."

Kim shrugs nonchalantly, determined to get her point across. "You're right, it probably isn't my business, and it probably shouldn't be my business, but I'm here talking to you about it anyway. If you didn't have a problem Casey, then why is your fiancée afraid of you? Why is she afraid that one day you are going to get so drunk, that you not only hurt yourself, but you'll lash out and hurt her as well? Why does she feel like you have this personality disorder because you've suddenly become two totally different people around her? Alex is almost never afraid of anything, and the fact that she is afraid of YOU lets the rest of us know that there is a problem."

"I already told you that I don't have a problem! Why do you keep insisting that I do?! I'm not crazy Kim, I'm fine!" Casey shouts as her anger begins to radiate off of her in small waves.

Narrowing her eyes into frightening thin slits, Kim places her palms flat on Casey's desk and slightly leans forward as her voice drops down to a deathly warning tone. "Whether you want to admit that you have a problem or not, that is your business. But if you ever lay a hand on Alex, you're going to be dealing with a lot of angry pissed off people; me included. And believe me when I say that I would definitely be the least of your worries."

"Are you threatening me, Counselor?"

"Oh believe me Novak, it's more like a guaranteed promise."

Casey is completely silent as she stands up from her chair and begins to walk around her desk. Tilting her head to the side, she slowly advances on Kim and continues to walk her backwards until the brunette is pressed flush against the wall. "You listen, and you listen good; you are not going to come in here and speak to me like that, do you understand? Neither you, Serena, or anyone else run my life, and none of you have the right to tell me what to do."

Kim frowns and attempts to move, but her heart practically stops when she feels Casey pin her forcefully back up against the wall. "C-Casey?" she squeaks shamefully. Not a lot scares her, but at the moment, she would be lying if she said that she wasn't the least bit of frightened right now.

"No. Now_ I_ am talking, and _YOU_ are listening." Casey articulates darkly. She places both hands firmly on the wall on either side of the other woman's head, succeeding in keeping her immobile for the moment. "How dare you come in here and try to tell me everything that's wrong with me when you don't even understand the half of it? I do NOT have a problem, and I'm not going to stand here and listening to you try to make me out like some crazy abusive psycho. I would NEVER lay a hand on Alex. I would never hurt her physically, mentally, or emotionally, and all of you know that so I have no fucking idea why you choose to believe otherwise."

"Casey, let me go."

"Why, are you afraid of me?"

"Frankly, yes, you are scaring me, and making me very uncomfortable. Now move."

"And if I don't?"

"I'll scream."

"You wouldn't."

"You wanna bet?"

Casey narrows her eyes as if she's contemplating to challenge the brunette but instead she decides on backing away enough respectable distance to give Kim room to at least breathe. "Get out."

"Please just don't show up drunk tomorrow…" Kim says quietly and sincerely, her tone void of patronization and scorn.

"GET OUT!"

"Fine, I'm going!" she responds hastily as she slips out the door and leans against the wall to catch a breath she hadn't even known she had been holding. That is the last time that she does something like that alone.

**Later That Evening **

"Serena, you look like you're about to go into cardiac arrest, will you stop shaking like that?" Alex states curiously as she places her hand on her best friend's knee to keep it from continuing to bounce up and down. "If you need to be at home, you can go. Kim and I won't be offended."

Serena shakes her head and crosses her still leg over her nervously bouncing one. "No, I'll be fine. I just…I don't like leaving her alone sometimes."

"I thought you said she was with her grandmother?" Kim asks looking up from where she was blankly staring into the contents of her drink, still going over the days earlier events in her mind.

"Yeah, she is. Julie is in town visiting for a few days, and she said that she'd be happy to watch Cece while I came out with the two of you." Serena pauses as a nervous smile flickers across her face. "Oh, Al, my mother's flight got delayed but she said that she'll be back in time to make the ceremony. She's really excited about seeing you get married you know. I kind of feel like she's passive aggressively trying to tell me something. She probably wants me to start dating again…"

Alex raises her eyebrows in shock and her mouth forms into a perfect 'O'. "Whoa, really? Did she say that?"

"Well, no, not directly, but she's hinted at it here and there. She'll says things like 'Rena honey, you don't plan on spending the rest of your life alone do you?' or, 'Have you been seeing anyone that I should know about?' I mean, she's my mother, and she doesn't want to push, but I can tell that she thinks that I'm not doing myself any good by just sitting at home alone with my daughter every night."

"There's nothing wrong with sitting at home with your daughter." Kim chimes in before she slightly tilts her head to the side. "But is that what you want? Do you think you're ready?"

Serena shrugs her shoulders and ducks her head down as she nervously begins to wring her hands. "Honestly, I don't know. I feel a little silly for still hanging on this long. It's been three years and I just feel like other people expect me to move on. But at the same time, if I'm being honest with myself, sometimes I feel like I can't do it. I feel like that I may never move on, and I'll be hung up on this for the rest of my life. At night, I'll have dreams with in dreams. I'll wake up from a nightmare about everything that has happened, and Abbie will be there, and she'll hold me, and I'll tell her about my dream. Then she'll kiss me and wrap me in her arms and hold me until I fall asleep again. But just when we settle back to sleep, I'll wake up again, only this time I'm back to reality. I'll sit up, and realize that I'm alone in my bedroom. Her side of the bed is cold, and then I'll do the unthinkable and cry myself back to sleep. I feel like such an idiot because some mornings I'll wake up and I'll go downstairs expecting to see her sitting on the couch reading the newspaper and waiting for me to yell at her about having her feet on the coffee table. Then as always I'll realize that she really is gone, and I'll cry again. I-I'm sorry. The both of you probably don't want to here this, and we're here because we're celebrating the fact that Alex is getting married tomorrow, not discuss any of my issues. I'm sorry."

Alex shakes her head and grasps her best friend's hand in her own. "We can talk about whatever we need to; this doesn't just have to be about me. And you aren't stupid for feeling that way. In fact, it's quite normal to feel that way. You loved her, and she loved you, and she was taken away from you in probably the worst way possible. You don't have to be ashamed for feeling that way."

"And even if you can't help it, we'll be here to listen." Kim adds on calmly, giving the elder attorney a sincere smile. "So, just to be clear, you aren't exactly looking for anyone yet? Because I heard it through the grapevine that you've been spending a lot of time with a certain detective lately."

Serena blushes and shrinks down in her seat as she avoids the meaningful gazes of her two best friends. "You know Connie Rubirosa came up to me and said the exact same thing the other day? I hardly even speak to Connie, and here she is telling me about all the rumors that are fluttering around the office!"

Alex chuckles and places her hand over her mouth in a failed attempt to suppress them. "She's right you know. You and Liv, do seem to be spending an awful lot of time together as of late."

"Oh come on Alex, don't even go there! As her ADAs you and Casey clearly spend a lot more time with her than I do."

"No honey I don't, simply because I don't go to lunch with her everyday like you do. I'm beginning to think that you're forgetting about me. Do you know how awful it is having lunch with this one every other day?!" Alex questions jokingly as she points an accusing finger at Kim who simply gives her a look.

"Oh like you are fabulous company to hang around." Kim sneers before she sticks her tongue out at Alex and turns back to Serena. "But all jokes aside, you and Liv are spending a lot of time together."

"See?" Alex points out giving the other blonde a wide grin. "Everyone knows that you hand out with short dark and beautiful!" she states which causes Serena to blush and Kim to erupt into a fit of hysteric laughter; something she doesn't usually do.

"She really isn't that short…" Serena murmurs shaking her head before a sly smirk spreads across her lips. "Besides, her alternative would be being lanky clumsy and awkward."

"Well how do you like that…" Kim begins with a heavily exaggerated sigh. "The skinny awkward blonde with about as much grace as a blind donkey is getting married before me. I really need to reevaluate my life…"

Alex narrows her eyes and folds her arms as she sits back in her chair. "Are the two of you done making fun of me? I am not that clumsy."

"You? Not clumsy? HA!" Serena laughs pointing a finger before turning to Kim. "You should've seen her during gym glass in high school. When we were picking partners for tennis, she was always picked last because everyone knew that she couldn't even swing the racket, let alone even hit the ball. She was such a geek too, it was actually kinda cute. But you should've seen her though, she was clumsy and awkward, and she had these huge buck teeth that wouldn't have been fixed if I hadn't convinced her to get braces. Then everyone added the nickname 'Brace Face' to the list of names along with 'Four Eyes' and 'Clumsy Cabot'."

"Thank you Serena, for that lovely story…now don't tell anymore." Alex demands, feeling the heat rush to her face.

"No, no, do go on. Alex, you didn't know? This is the night before your wedding! We're doing the traditional 'make fun of the bride' ritual!" Kim laughs excitedly. "More, tell me more,"

"The funny thing about this is, for such a geek, she wanted to be a cheerleader. Probably only because I was a cheerleader, and because we've known each other so long, she just HAD to do everything I did." Serena begins, her grin widening when she sees Alex blush the color of a red fire engine truck. "I think our captain at the time let her on the squad out of sympathetic pity."

"What happened then?" Kim asks giddily, loving every minute of this.

"I got my braces off, got contacts, made squad captain, won Homecoming AND Prom Queen, and made Serena feel like a complete loser…and run laps." Alex finishes off with a smirk of her own. "You know what they always say. The geeky girl you make fun of freshman year will always turn out to be the woman you want to sell your soul for."

Kim nods her head and clinks her glass with the other two women's. "I'll drink to that. But back to that question that you never really directly answered Serena; is there really nothing going on between you and Olivia?"

Serena takes a sip of her drink before she gives a casual shrug of the shoulders. "We're just friends, just like I'm friends with the two of you. Just because I'm out having drinks with you two, does not mean that I'm dating either one of you. But Liv and I are just friends; that's all. I think that she relates to me best because I understand where she's coming from right now. I know what it's like to lose someone you really care about."

"Yeah, I can see how that makes sense." Alex says solemnly nodding as she has been worrying about the well being of the mild mannered detective.

Kim frowns and looks between the other two attorneys in confusion. "What do you mean?" she asks, shaking her head when she receives her same look thrown back at her. "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about…"

Alex glances at Serena before tilting her head at Kim. "You didn't know that Amanda left?"

"Amanda left?! When did that happen?! No one tells me anything anymore!"

"I can't believe you didn't know, but then again, I can see how Liv doesn't walk around advertising it to the public. I just assumed you knew. But yeah, she left. Liv told me that she just went to work one day and all of Amanda's stuff was gone. She went over to her apartment and found her there packing up all her stuff. Said that Amanda told her that she was leaving for good. The sad thing about it is that they hadn't talked about it at all before hand, and it was jus kinda a surprise. That, and the fact that Liv had been planning on proposing to her." Serena concludes as she recalls the story. "Like I said, Olivia is a very private person, and she doesn't exactly want a whole lot of people to know what happened."

"Yeah, she's private with everyone else but you." Alex hums in response. "Only reason I knew Amanda left because I walked into the precinct and saw I was short one detective. No body had even told me anything. There's something there Serena. You might not see it, and you don't have to acknowledge it, but it's there and it has been for a while. I've noticed. And the connection that Liv has with Sierra is incredible. That child probably loves Olivia more than the rest of us combined."

"She calls me Kimmy...I don't like that. That's not my name." Kim mutters shaking her head.

"Anything that isn't 'Kim' isn't your name." Serena says rolling her eyes. "If anyone calls you anything else, you want to throw them in a furnace or something."

"We could call you 'Ann'." Alex chimes in snickering, falling silent when she receives a glare that would have rendered her deceased if looks could kill. "Or maybe not…"

**The Next Day **

"Liv, I'm dying. I can't breathe, and I feel like I'm going to pass out. This isn't real, this isn't happening, and nothing exists right now. I cannot do this Olivia, I just can't!" Casey rambles off as she paces the dressing room back and forth. "What am I supposed to do? I can't even think straight right now!"

"Personally, what I think you should do is calm down." Olivia says as she places her hands on Casey's shoulders to keep her from wearing a trench into the floor. "You're going to be fine. You're going to go out there, and have a fabulous wedding, and it'll be beautiful."

"There's just too many people out there Olivia. I told myself that I wasn't going o be nervous, but now I'm nervous and it's killing me. I'm getting married in fifteen minutes. Oh my god, I feel like I'm gonna pass out again."

"Hey, whoa, no; there will be no passing out as long as I'm here okay? You're going to be fine. Just sit down, okay?"

"I don't wanna sit down."

"Okay, or don't sit down…look, it'll be fine okay? I promise. You look beautiful and I promise you that Alex will look as equally gorgeous."

Casey smiles and nods her head as she takes several deep breaths. "I bet she does. I can't wait to see her dress. I bet she looks amazing. Oh god Liv, she's about to become my wife…my WIFE. I'm getting married! Oh god….oh. my god…I'm getting married…"

**Meanwhile…**

"Do you think you put enough bobby pins in there?!" Serena asks curiously with a raise of an eyebrow.

"I'm just trying to get it to stay!" Kim responds shooting a glare over her shoulder. "Do you have any idea of how it'll look when, not if, but when it falls because it didn't stay like it was supposed to?! Do you know how long it took me to get it to curl like this, especially with it's texture?! Three things are on the verge of collapse here Serena. Alex, Alex's hair, and Me, so make yourself useful and hand me the hairspray."

"Is Kimmy angry Mommy?" Sierra whispers as she tugs on her mother's hand.

"No sweetheart, she's just…being her self." Serena responds placing a kiss on the little girl's cheek.

"There! See, now it'll stay, and it looks magnificently gorgeous if I do say so my self." Kim states proudly before she notices the far off look as Alex stares in her own reflection. "Al, are you alright?"

Alex blinks away from her inner thoughts and shakily nods her head. "Y-yeah, I'm…I'm fine." She repeats as she stands up from the stool in front of the mirror. "I'm fine."

Sierra lets go of Serena's hand and makes her way over to Alex before giving her a wide grin. "You look really pretty! Like a princess! You should have a tiara so you could be a real princess."

"Thank you Cece, that's really sweet of you." Alex responds lightly patting the little blonde's hair. "I feel like a princess." She whispers to her self before turning to her two best friends. "Will you two give me a minute?"

"Sure, c'mon Rena." Kim says as they all exit the dressing room leaving the bride to be alone with her own thoughts.

Fifteen minutes turn into ten, and ten soon turn into five before it's time for the official ceremony to begin. As the maid of honor, and Alex's best friend, Serena has been given the honor by Alex her self to escort her down the aisle. When Alex first mentioned it to her, she tried to argue against it but soon realized that it would have been pointless to argue with Alexandra Cabot.

She smoothes her dress and makes quickly checks her watch as she realizes that Alex hasn't come to join her in the corridor yet when she probably should have been standing there a good five or six minutes ago. Her eyes widen as she blinks in confusion as the band starts playing 'Here comes the bride', but she still is missing one very important asset to this wedding by her side; the bride.

Casey shifts nervously as the music starts playing and her future wife will be walking down the aisle towards her any moment. She feels Olivia's reassuring hand on her shoulder, and she shares a small smile with Kim who is standing on the opposite side of the altar. The music progresses however, and her nerves are being shot to hell at the anticipation. Shouldn't Alex have been out by now?

"Liv, correct me I'm wrong, but isn't she going to walk down with the music and not after it?" Casey whispers shakily.

"Stalling for dramatic effect?" Olivia suggest with a confused shrug.

Casey opens her mouth to respond, but snaps it shut when she sees Serena walk through the doors at the far end of the aisle. "Dramatic effect huh?"

"This is so awkward…" Serena mutters to her self as she walks at a speedy pace down the aisle. When she had expected to walk down the aisle at her best friend's wedding to 'Here Comes the Bride' she most definitely hadn't planned on it doing it alone.

Serena approaches the altar and walks up to Kim where she places her hand by her mouth as she whispers something quickly into the brunette's ear. Seconds later, Kim pulls away with a look of alarm, which all Serena can do is nod to.

Kim casts a glance at her worried looking Casey and shakes her head dismissively before she makes her way down the small set of steps. "Uhh, sorry for the delay everyone, we have a slight wardrobe malfunction!" she calls out before she follows Serena out the side door back into the corridor.

She waits until they are far enough away and down the hall before she stops abruptly and turns to the blonde. "What do you mean she's gone?!"

"I mean, just what I said Kim; she is gone." Serena reiterates shaking her head. "I stood out here for five minutes waiting for her and when the music started I went looking for her. I went back into the dressing room, and she was not there and neither was her purse or phone, or anything. First thing I did was call her and it went straight to voicemail. She. Is. Gone."

"Great, now I don't know what's worse; the fact that Alex ran away, or the fact that one of us is going to have to go back in there and _tell Casey_ that Alex ran away…"

"I don't know, but I can assure you that I really don't want to be the person that has to do it…"

**Gee, I wouldn't wanna have do that either…truth be told, earlier in the chapter when Serena was kinda reflecting, I cried a little bit when I wrote that. See? I even make myself emotional! Anyway; Leave your feedback? **


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5 **_

"What are we gonna do?" Serena asks quickly, her heels clicking rapidly against the floor as she paces back and forth.

Kim taps her fingers against her chin before her shoulders slump in defeat. "The only thing that we can do right now; we have to go in there and tell Casey."

"Tell Casey what?"

Serena's head snaps to the side and she quickly steps behind Kim with a small squeak when she sees said redhead staring at the both of them in confusion.

"Tell me what?" Casey asks again as she continues to stare at the two women who are looking back at her with hesitant expressions as if they are struggling to say something. "Where's Alex?"

Kim turns around towards Serena to see the blonde's eyes widen and give a quick shake of her head. Sighing, she turns back around towards Casey but doesn't really make direct eye contact. "Um, well…we don't know." she murmurs, looking down at the floor.

Casey frowns and glances at Olivia who is holding Sierra. The detective gives her a small shrug, and she frowns again turning back towards her reluctant colleagues. "What do you mean 'you don't know'?"

"What she means is that, Alex isn't here." Serena speaks up as she steps out from behind Kim. "I was waiting for her like I was supposed to, but she never showed up. I went back to the dressing room and she wasn't there. All of her personal things were gone as well. She also isn't answering her cell phone; I've called three times."

Casey feels her heart sink drastically at the new found information. She swallows the thick lump in her throat, and takes several deep breaths to keep her self calm. "Does anyone have any idea of where she could be?"

"We could begin looking." Olivia speaks up as she adds a slight bounce to her posture noticing that the little girl in her arms is starting to doze off. "But first someone is going to have to go back in there and tell all those people that there isn't going to be a wedding at the moment." She concludes, flinching a little when she realizes that she could've worded that a lot better. "Sorry Case,"

A feint blush appears on Casey's face and she awkwardly rubs at the back of her neck. "I-it's fine." She murmurs shamefully. What was honestly supposed to be the best day of her life has by far turned into the worst. "Can one of you go do it? I-I don't think that I can go in there and face all of those people right now."

There is a silence among the women before Kim sighs and excuses her self from the group to go inform the crowd in attendance about everything that's going on at the moment.

"I-I need to be alone right now…" Casey mumbles as she walks towards the room to gather her things. "I'll start looking for her and call you guys if I find anything."

"Okay, we'll call you when we're heading out." Serena says sadly, sighing when she makes sure that Casey is out of eye/earshot. "That has got to be really embarrassing for her."

Olivia hums as she nods and looks down at the now sleeping child in her arms. "I think that it's past her naptime." She jokes, taking note of how Sierra's arm is clutching her neck tightly.

Serena chuckles and lightly runs the back of her hand down the smoothness of her daughter's cheek. "I think you're right." She agrees, sighing when she gently pries the girls thumb from her mouth. "That's a habit that I'm hoping she'll break soon. She doesn't do it during the day, but she'll always find away to end up sucking her thumb when she falls asleep."

"I think that it's kind of cute. She'll grow out of it before you know it." Olivia chuckles, turning her head when she hears a large amount of shuffling and murmurs. "Sounds like everyone's happy…" she mumbles sarcastically.

A slightly aged blonde woman in an eloquent blue dress approaches the two of them, and her sights immediately land on Serena in question. "Rena Honey, what's going on?"

"Alex ran away Mom…" Serena explains with a shake of her head. "None of us no why, and right now, none of know where she could've went. As soon as Kim comes back we're going to head out and look for her. Which brings me to, would you mind keeping Cece for today?"

"I always enjoy spending time with my granddaughter, dear." The elder woman explains as she turns and gives Olivia a smile. "It's good to see you again, Detective."

"It's good to see you again too Mrs. Southerlyn."

"Please dear, call me Stacey."

Olivia smiles and nods before she turns down towards Sierra who still hasn't even budged. She makes an attempt to hand the girl over to her grandmother but flinches a little when she feels a little tiny hand tighten around a few locks of her hair. "She's very clingy…" she jokes, gently prying Sierra's hand from her hair long enough to pass her on.

"That's because she's really attached to you." Serena explains with a small smile. "She really admires you." she concludes, piping up when she sees Kim making her way back with her car keys. "Alright guys, we have a runaway bride to go find."

* * *

Casey finally gives into her frustrations and ends up throwing her phone to the floor of her car after Alex's voicemail has picked up for probably the fifteenth time. It's quite obvious that the blonde isn't going to answer anyone's call, but it couldn't help her to try anyway could it?

She would be lying if she said that she wasn't at all embarrassed by what had just happened. The humiliation of Alex abandoning her at the altar on their wedding day is beginning to slowly eat her up inside.

She has checked their apartment, the office, the precinct, hell, she even went and checked the courthouse; but Alex is still nowhere to be found. Finally, giving into her overwhelming frustrations, Casey gives up and decides that she needs a drink to help her forget the events of earlier.

**Later **

"I'm telling you guys, I honestly have no idea where she is." Serena speaks into the phone as she continues to drive around in what feels like circles. She rolls her eyes when she listens to Kim's mini rant on the other end of the phone conversation.

"Well, keep looking, she has to turn up somewhere." She states, frowning when something, or rather someone in the park catches her eye. "Kim, Liv, I'll call you guys back, okay?" she says, hanging up the phone. She puts her car in park, and makes her way into the park where she approaches a sobbing figure in an expensive white wedding dress seated on one of the benches. "Is this seat taken?"

Alex looks up at her best friend from where she was wiping her eyes with a tissue. Her make up is now only slightly smeared because of where she had cleaned some of it off earlier. "Serena? H-how did you find me?"

Serena chuckles and sits down on the bench. "It wasn't easy, and it wasn't on purpose. All of us were looking for you but you weren't answering any of our calls. You've turned your phone off."

"Yeah, I did." Alex says quietly looking away as she brings the issue to her eyes once more. She knows what it is Serena wants to talk about, but she isn't going to make it easy.

"So, are you gonna tell me what's up? Why you ran away?"

Alex simply remains silent and shakes her head, refusing to meet the concerned, icy blue eyes that are boring into her. She sniffles again, and leans back on the bench, still determined not to meet Serena's questionable gaze.

"Alex sweetheart, you're going to have to explain something to someone, and something tells me that I'm going to be the easiest person for you to talk to." Serena explains quietly.

Taking in a shaky deep breath, Alex wraps her arms around her self and focuses on keeping her voice from quivering or breaking. "I-I couldn't do it Serena…I couldn't go in there and marry her…not now."

"I'm sure everyone gets pre wedding jitters Al, it was normal for you to be nervous. You didn't have to run because of it." Serena states before furrowing her brow a little.

Alex shakes her head vigorously and quickly snaps her head towards her best friend. "I wasn't nervous Serena! I was scared! And I wasn't afraid of being married, but I'm afraid of who I'm marrying."

Serena frowns and shakes her head slowly. "Alex, I don't understand…"

"I should have told you. As my best friend, I should have told you more than I did. I kind of told Kim but that was only because I couldn't not saying anything because she kept saying things that made me WANT to tell her if that makes any sense. I'm afraid of Casey, Serena. I don't want to be, but with how things are lately, I just can't help it. I'm afraid she'll hurt me." Alex explains shamefully.

"Has she ever hit you or anything like that?"

"No, she hasn't exactly hit me, but sometimes I'm afraid she will. She raised her hand to me once, but she didn't hit me. She was super drunk, and super angry and I guess I just said the wrong thing, I don't know. She isn't always like that, honest she's not. Sometimes she'll be My Casey again, and she'll be soft and caring and loving and just super sweet. But then she'll start drinking and the littlest thing makes her mad. She'll yell for no reason, and she get a little bit more aggressive. I'm just…I don't want her to hurt her self but I also don't want her to hurt me either."

"So you ran away…" Serena says with a nod, her comment coming out as more of a statement rather than a question.

"I did." Alex confirms, beginning to tear up again. "The scary thing about this is, I still love her. I love her so, so much and I know that she's still in there somewhere. Maybe this makes me a masochist, I don't know, but I love her. I love her, but I can't marry her. Not right now. Not when she has this problem that she refuses to acknowledge. I-I can't do it Serena. I want to, please believe me I want to. But I can't. I already feel horrible because I've just disappointed so many people, and I'm now going to be known as the bitch who stood Casey up at the altar, but I can't do it. Not now...not now."

**Later That Night **

"Liv, honestly, you really don't have to do this. I told you I was okay with staying at a hotel." Alex says for probably the fifteenth time that night.

Olivia shakes her head and folds her arms. "And I told you that I was fine with you staying here. Plus, I don't want to leave you alone, if that's okay? You look like you need someone right now, and I told you I'd always be there for you. And it was either you stay with me, Kim, or Serena. You already said you didn't want to inconvenience Serena because of Cece, and I have to remind you that Kim has a cat. So either you deal with me, or you deal with that evil little fur ball, Michaela."

Alex narrows her eyes and tilts her head. "Why'd she name her cat Michaela? She never told me…"

"She says that she felt like the name had special meaning or something. I dunno; all I know is that I HATE that cat. Anyway, have you talked to Casey at all?"

"No, I haven't. I don't think I'm ready to talk to her. She hasn't tried calling since earlier either so I don't know what she's up to." Alex explains, sighing when she takes a seat on the couch next to Olivia. "God Liv, I feel like such a terrible person. I didn't want this. I really didn't. I wanted to get married, and I wanted to be happy. This is supposed to be my wedding night but I ruined everything."

Olivia shakes her head and gently rests her hand on Alex's shoulder. "You did what your heart told you to do, and all that you can do is listen to your heart. If anyone tries to criticize you, don't listen to them because they don't understand what you're going through. We all know that you love Casey, but we also all know that she has a problem. It makes sense for you to feel the way you do."

Alex nods her head and opens her mouth to respond but stops abruptly when her cell phone blares into the tense silence. Thinking it's Casey, Alex prepares her self for the conversation she isn't ready to have, but she stops when she sees that she doesn't recognize the identity of the caller. Frowning, she gives Olivia a look before she answers the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this Alexandra Cabot?" the male voice on the other end of the line asks.

"Yes, this is she. Can I ask who is calling?"

"Yes Ma'am, this is Officer Garza. Am I correct in assuming that you know a Casey Novak? Your number is what's listed as her alternate contact on file."

"Oh god, is she alright?"

"Yes Ma'am, she's alright, in the sense of being uninjured. However, I have pulled her over due to driving under the influence. I would have arrested her, but seeing as on her file it says that she an assistant district attorney, I would have to notify her boss of the charges. I'm willing to let her off with a warning if you could come and get her."

Alex sighs heavily and pinches the bridge of her nose. "Yes I understand…thank you officer." She says as she ends the phone call. She places her head in her hands and sighs heavily again. "Casey got pulled over for drunk driving…" she murmurs to no one in particular. "The cop that pulled her over says that he'll let her go if I go and get her…"

"I'll go get her." Olivia says after a small silence, seeing the obvious that Alex really doesn't want to go retrieve a drunken Casey.

"Are you sure? Really it's no problem…" Alex lies, though she doesn't want Olivia to know that she's lying.

"I'm sure, I'll pick her up and take her home. It'll be no trouble." _'I hope.'_

Alex thanks Olivia and waits for the detective to leave before she looks back down at her cell phone. Taking a deep breath, she opens up her contacts and scrolls down through the list looking for a number that she hasn't exactly used in probably a few months. With hesitation her finger hovers over the contact for a moment before she presses it and brings the phone to her ear. After a few rings, the phone surprisingly picks up.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice says on the other end of the line.

"Hey, I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No..." the voice says pausing a little. "Yes, but its fine. What's up?"

"It's probably a lot to ask, but I think I might need a favor."

**Meanwhile…**

"Detective Benson? What are you doing here?" Officer Garza asks as he recognizes the brunette approaching him.

"Miss Cabot suddenly wasn't feeling well and she sent me to pick up this one." She says nodding towards a scowling Casey who is seated on the curb. "She give you any trouble?"

The uniform shakes his head before folding his arms. "Not really; nothing that I haven't dealt with before I suppose. She failed the sobriety test though, so it's the law that I prohibit her to drive for the rest of the night. On the breathalyzer she blew almost twice the legal limit."

"I took a cab here. I'll just drive her car back." Olivia explains as she thanks the officer and makes her way over towards the angry attorney. She stands above Casey for a moment before she folds her arms and shakes her head. "You're a real mess, you know that?"

Casey rolls her eyes and stands to her feet, having to grab on to Olivia to keep from falling over. "Shut up. I'm not fucking drunk, I don't know what that cop was talking about." She murmurs before climbing in the passenger seat.

Olivia climbs into the driver's seat of Casey's car and wrinkles her nose. "Casey, you smell like you've been downing liquor like its water. You're more not drunk, you're more than drunk. I'm taking you home."

Casey snorts and rests her head against the window. "Whatever." She grumbles darkly, falling silent for a moment before she speaks up again. "Where the fuck is Alex…"

"Well if you're gonna ask it like that, I'm most definitely not going to tell you where she is."

"I have a right to know. She stood me up at my own damn wedding."

"Gee I wonder why…" Olivia mumbles out of the side of her mouth. "It's your own fault you know. Because you won't admit you have a problem, she's scared of you. She thinks you'll hurt her."

"Well then its her own damn fault for thinking that." Casey speaks up firmly, becoming slightly angered by the accusation. "And she knows that I wouldn't fucking touch her. I don't know what the hell she's so fucking afraid of."

Olivia shakes her head as she keeps her eyes focused on the road. "You really are taking a good woman for granted…not everyone can find good women like you have, and you're just throwing her all away because you're being selfish. You aren't the only one that's still hurting you know. Abbie was my best friend too. And if there is ANYONE who would ever have the right to get drunk and lash out at people it is Serena. But does she do that? No, because she has an incredible little girl that she has to take care of. I realize you're upset, and I realize that you're still hurting, but your behavior really has no excuse."

"Is this the part where you break down and go into your sob story about how I'm supposed to feel like a terrible person because Amanda left you?" Casey snarks, snorting dismissively when she receives no response. "That's what I thought. When are you gonna face that's what your problem is? You're just mad because Amanda left you and didn't even give you any heads up about it. You just showed up one day, and she left."

Olivia closes her mouth into a thin line and doesn't say anything else. She knows that what she's hearing from Casey are angry drunk words that can't possibly be controlled but that doesn't stop them from hurting any less.

**Leave your feedback? **


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6_**

Serena is startled awake on a particularly cold morning by the feeling of something, or rather, someone continuously bouncing on her side of the bed. She cracks her eyes open for a moment but closes them with a small groan as she realizes that it's probably too earlier for her to be awake at the moment. "Sierra, please; it's very early."

"I know Mommy, but I couldn't go back to sleep. And you said that we were gonna go see Momma today. Can you get up? Please?" Sierra asks innocently as she gently shakes her mother's arm in an attempt to make her move a little faster.

Serena opens her eyes and finds her self face to face with a pair of cool blue eyes that identically match her own. She reaches up and strokes her daughter's cheek before she sits up in her bed, losing the warmth that she had so greedily been reveling in. "Alright sweetheart, I'm up, I'm up." she explains as she covers her mouth to hide a yawn. "Have you brushed your teeth already?" she questions noticing that Sierra is already dressed.

"Yes Mommy, I did, just like you taught me." the little girl quips happily as she hops off the bed. "Can I have blueberry waffles this morning Mommy? Please?"

"Alright, just give Mommy some time to get ready and then I'll make you some breakfast okay?"

"Okay!"

Serena moves around her home completely on autopilot. She knows exactly why she's feeling rather dreary today, but with each waking moment, she tries rather hard not to think about it.

After going through her typical morning routine, she sits down at the table and watches her daughter completely devouring her favorite breakfast food. She can't help but smile at how much Sierra seems to be growing and it's all happening so fast; she just can't believe it.

"I'm done Mommy!" Sierra explains happily as she shows off her completely cleaned plate. She hops down from her chair and makes her way over to the sink where she stands on her tiptoes to place the plate in the sink just like she's been taught to do. "Can we go now?"

"Yes sweetie, we can go now." Serena replies with a small smile as the two make their way out of the kitchen. She stops just short of the door and zips up Sierra's coat, before she grabs her phone, car keys, and heads out the door.

As the two of them make the drive to the cemetery, Serena can't help but feel tightness in her chest. Today is probably one of her most favorite days of the year, at least, I was until Abbie passed away.

The drive is a lot quicker than her liking and she soon finds her self parking, and turning around to take Sierra out of her car seat. She sets her daughter on the ground and grabs the flowers she brought before she takes Sierra's hand.

"Mommy, can I put this there before you plant the flowers?" Sierra asks innocently as she holds up a brightly colored folded sheet of paper.

"What's that sweetie?" Serena asks curiously as she inspects the paper closely. Her heart warms when she can finally make out the squiggly letters that read 'Happy Birthday'.

"It's a birthday card for Momma. I drawed it for her like I drawed you that picture." Sierra explains. "Will she like it? Is it okay?"

"She'll love it Cece, I promise she will."

"Good, because I want her to love it." Sierra says as they approach the familiar gravestone. She watches as her mother takes her card and places it into the ground before she starts changing out the flowers. "Happy birthday, Momma." She says quietly before pressing her lips softly against the stone.

As Serena busies her self with changing out the flowers, Sierra notices an elderly woman a few rows away from them. Casting a glance at her mom, she then wanders over to the woman and watches her closely. "Hello Ma'am."

The woman looks up from the grave she's standing at and gives the little girl a warm smile. "Hello, honey. Are you lost here?"

"No, ma'am. My Mommy's over there." Sierra explains pointing her finger to emphasize her point. "We're here because it's my Momma's birthday, and Mommy always comes to see her on her birthday."

"That's very sweet." The woman says with a grin. "I'm here to see my husband. He passed away some time ago, but I still come and see him nearly every chance I get."

"Momma passed away before I was born, but Mommy says that she still loves me. I wish I had met her thought. She sounds really nice. Was your husband nice?"

"He was. He was a really great man."

"Do you still miss him?"

"Almost everyday. That's why I come and visit him."

"Ma'am, I'm so sorry." Serena explains as she approaches the conversation and takes Sierra's hand. "Was she bothering you?"

The woman smiles a the taller blonde and shakes her head. "No dear, she wasn't. She's actually been really good company. I was just telling her how I was coming to visit my husband, who died some time ago. She was also telling me about her other mother who also seems to have passed away."

Serena winces a little before she nods her head. "Yes ma'am. I was nearly four months pregnant when she passed." She explains sadly.

The woman moves forward and places a hand on Serena's shoulder. "Well you're a beautiful woman who has been raising a beautiful daughter, even if it has been alone. You two take care of yourselves." And with that, the woman gives Sierra another knowing grin before she makes her way out of the cemetery.

Later that day, Serena is once again surprised by a knocking on her front door. She gets up from the couch and makes sure she looks presentable before she makes her way over to the door to open it. She slightly frowns when she sees who it is standing on the other side. "Liv? What are you doing here?"

Olivia shrugs her shoulders as she puts her hands in her pockets. "I wanted to come see how you were doing, considering…what day it is and everything."

"Oh, I see." Serena says with a small sigh and a head nod. "I'm managing, I guess. It's still hard you know? I feel pretty stupid for it still being hard like this, but it is. I'm sorry, where is my head? Come in."

The detective smiles knowingly and step through the open door. She waits patiently for Serena to reenter the living room before the two of them take a seat on the sofa. "Actually, I was wondering if you would let me take you out to dinner tonight; so you wouldn't have to spend it alone."

"I wouldn't be spending tonight alone. I have Cece."

"Serena, you know what I mean."

The blonde attorney sighs and nods her head as she leans back against the cushions. "I-I know what you mean. I just…it's last minute, and I know that my mother is busy tonight."

"You could have Alex watch her." Olivia suggests hopefully.

"On normal circumstances, I would do that." Serena begins with a shaky sigh. "But I kind of feel like Alex is hiding from Casey right now, and I would rather not take the chance of Casey being anywhere near my child at the moment."

"Kim could watch her then." Olivia tries once again. "You're not making excuses not to hang out with me are you?" she concludes with a joke.

Serena smiles before she grabs her phone from the coffee table. "Let me make a call."

**Behavioral Analysis Unit; Quantico, VA **

"Hey Blondie, you have a phone call." Garcia says as she makes her way into the bullpen. She perches her self on the edge of JJ's desk and points to the phone with a curious look on her face.

JJ frowns and stares at Garcia for a long moment. "Who's calling? I haven't been the media liaison for I don't know how long; cases don't come through me anymore."

"Sometime tells me that it isn't case related." Garcia says with that same look on her face. "Alex Cabot is calling."

The color drains from JJ's face and she catches the eye of Emily who simply shrugs dismissively. "What? Why?"

"That's what I wanna know sugarplum, which is why I suggest you answer the phone." Penelope concludes as she snatches the phone and shoves it into the agent's face.

JJ scowls at Garcia and slowly puts the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hello Jennifer, this is Alex Cabot. I'm sure that you're very curious to my reasons for calling, especially at such a random time, and considering we didn't exactly part on the best of terms."

"I would say that I have to agree with you on that fact, Counselor. But nonetheless, you sound like something's wrong."

"Are you profiling me over the phone, Agent Jareau?"

"I could be. But seriously, what can I do for you?"

A sigh is heard over the phone and Alex clicks her tongue. "I-I'm having problems with Casey…" she explains shamefully. "I've tried everything that I can think of, except call you and ask for your help. I know that helping me would probably be one of the last things that you would want to do, but I've run out of options."

JJ glances at Garcia briefly before she leans back in her chair. "What do you mean you're having problems? And why do you assume that I can be the one to help you?"

"Because next to me, you are the one person that knows her better than she knows her self. Casey has…changed a lot lately. She's drinking excessively, and it's become so bad to the point where…honestly Jennifer, I'm afraid to be around her most of the time. We…we were supposed to be married a few days ago, and I-I got scared, and ran out because I felt like I can't marry her, right now. She doesn't think that she has an alcohol problem, but it keeps getting worse, and I just don't know what to do anymore. She won't listen to anyone here, and I was hoping that…honestly, I don't know what I was hoping, but maybe you could try and talk some sense in to her? I don't know why, but I have this strange feeling that she would listen to you…" Alex pauses before her voice seems to crack on the other end of the receiver. "Please Jennifer, I really am out of options, and I really need you. But if you don't want to help, I understand."

JJ pauses for a long moment as she contemplates her options. She knows that for a person like Alex, calling someone for help, especially her, is a like taking the leap of faith over the Grand Canyon. With a sigh, she taps her fingers on her desk and nods before she realizes that Alex can't see her. "I understand, and I'll help you. I can't make any promises, but I'll be happy to help you."

"Thank you, so much, you have no idea how much this would mean."

"It's no problem. I have about a week or so off in the next two weeks. I'll see you then?"

"That'll be fine. Thank you again."

"Of course." JJ concludes as the two of them end the phone call. She puts her phone back in it's cradle and looks up to see Emily and Garcia staring at her expectantly. "I think I'm going to New York…"

**The Next Day **

Alex swallows thickly as she makes her way up to her shared apartment with Casey. It's been a few days since the two of hem have actually spoken; in fact, it's been since what was supposed to be their wedding day. She takes several deep breaths as she puts her key into the door, and she closes her eyes when she turns the key and the lock gives way.

Pushing the door open, the first thing that the ever observant attorney notices is how quiet it is. She walks through the foyer and sits her keys on the counter as she slightly gasps at all of her surroundings. It looks like a hurricane came barreling through the living room. There are beer bottles scattered literally everywhere, as well as several broken bottles of high end liquor. All of the pictures that were on the mantle above the fire place have been knocked to the ground, the coffee table is overturned, the couch cushions are messed up, and one of the arm chairs is lying on it's side.

Shaking her head, she steps into the kitchen and gasps audibly as she realizes that this looks worse than the living room. Once again, bottles of beer and liquor litter nearly every flat surface while several broken dishes and glasses lie haphazardly on the floor. If she didn't have shoes on, she's positive that it would be as equivalent to walking through a minefield.

Alex shakes her head once again as she leaves the kitchen and takes another glance at the trashed living room. She sits down her purse, and quietly makes her way up the stairs towards the bedroom. Taking a much needed deep breath, she turns the door knob and quietly pushes the door open, a little surprised to see Casey conscious and sitting up on the edge of the bed, staring intensely at the wall with her back to the door.

"Casey?" Alex says quietly, not wanting to startle the woman who is still obviously unaware of her presence.

Casey quickly spins around and her eyes immediately blaze in anger. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I-I live here." Alex rationalizes simply. "I wanted to see if you were doing alright."

"Don't even act like you fucking care." Casey spits venomously as she quickly sands up from her spot on the bed. "DON'T even pretend that you care. You have some nerve coming back here after what you did."

"Casey I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…I just…it was hard for me, okay?"

"If you weren't going to marry me, then you could have said something before our fucking wedding day, and before you stood me up at the fucking altar and left me standing there like a complete idiot. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? Do you have any idea of how much you humiliated me that day?! You have no idea how much you practically stomped on my heart because you made me think that we were finally going to spend the rest of our lives together as a married couple! You ruined me! You have no idea how much you ruined me! What was I supposed to do?! You fucking ran away Alex, you RAN AWAY."

"I'm sorry!" Alex exclaims as she suddenly realizes just how much closer Casey has gotten in the past few minutes. "I wanted to marry you. I still want to marry you! But I can't right now! Not when you're like this! Not when you have this…this problem that you can't accept. I love you so much, and I care about you so much that I want you to get help."

"I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM!" Casey screams as she tightly grabs a hold of Alex's wrist. "Why are you so you dead set on making me out to be some crazy idiot?! I don't have a problem! No as a matter of fact I do, my problem is the fact that my so called fiancée is a lying bitch who couldn't tell me that she wasn't in love with me enough to marry me!"

Alex gasps as she mercilessly claws at the hand that's crushing her wrist. "Casey please let go; you're hurting me!" she exclaims. "Please. You're drunk right now, and you're angry, and you don't mean what you're saying. Please let go, and we can talk about this."

There are about a million and one things that Alex expects the happen, but one of those things is most definitely not the moment when she feels a hard backhand across the side of her face that has enough force behind it to knock her to the floor. Tears spring to her eyes as she holds the side of her face, and seconds later, she hears the tell tale noise of the bedroom door slamming with enough force to shake the entire apartment. Her tears fall freely down her face and she knows they're not just from the pain as she realizes one very important thing.

_"Casey just hit me…" _

**Today has been BEYOND frustrating, and I guess my frustrations were displayed when I wrote this chapter. Grr, I don't even know. Anyway, leave your feedback. **


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

"It's not a date." Serena states for probably the fiftieth time that evening as she puts on her earrings. "We're just going to dinner."

"Tell me, what do you call two insanely beautiful women who dress up, go out to a restaurant, and have dinner? Especially when there is some sort of attraction between the two of them?" Kim asks raising an eyebrow.

Serena rolls her eyes and finalizes her jewelry. "I call it two friends who are hanging out and going to dinner. It's not a date, we're just hanging out."

Kim clicks her tongue and shakes her head once again. "You mean it's a date."

"It's not a date Kim! Alex and I go out to nice restaurants all the time, and I'm most certainly not dating her. It is not a date."

"Does Liv think that?"

The blonde's eyes narrow into thin little slits and she shakes her head. "Of course she does. Kim, the only person here that thinks it's a date is you. It's not a date! It's too soon anyway. I'm not looking for anyone right now, and I'm sure that Liv is still dealing with the fact that Amanda just up and left. Besides, what could she possibly see in me anyway?"

Kim clicks her tongue again and raises her eyebrows. "Let's see, you're gorgeous; you've blonde, curvy, and you have killer legs. You have a superb job that you're super passionate about, you show undying love for your daughter, and you have this amazing down to earth personality that people can't help but love about you. I bet that's what she sees in you."

"Kim, you're making up all of those things. There is nothing between Olivia and I. As I said before, we're just two friends sitting down together at dinner. She didn't ask me out to dinner as a date, she said it was simply because she thought I wouldn't want to spend the evening alone. Do you know what day it is, Kim?"

The younger attorney snorts and nods her head. "How could I ever forget? There were grand announcements all around the office whenever this time of year rolled around. And I could see how one would think that you wouldn't want to be alone, but there is just a certain way that you and Liv look at each other. You're easier when you're with her. You relax, and you're not as on edge as if something's gonna happen. It's like you actually take time to breathe. Hence what I said before; it's a date."

Serena rolls her eyes once again as she hears a knock on the door. "You are impossible." She says flatly as she makes her way to the door and opens it to see Olivia standing there in a crisp deep blue button down and black slacks. "Hey, I'll just be a minute."

"That's fine." The detective replies with a wide smile. "You look great by the way."

"Thank you." Serena responds, unable to keep the feint blush from making its way up to her cheeks. She walks back through her apartment to pick up her purse, and rolls her eyes when she sees Kim mouthing the word 'date'. She shoots one last glare at the brunette before she heads out, making sure to close the door tight behind her. "Ready to go!"

Kim has literally just sat down when she hears the pitter patter of feet, and she is soon met with a little blonde replica of Serena staring up at her with gleaming, and expectant blue eyes. "Hey Kiddo, what's up?"

A wide grin spreads across Sierra's face as she brings two Barbie dolls out from behind her back. She waves one of the dolls when she sees the hesitancy on the attorney's face. "Please Kimmy?" she pleads innocent waving the doll once again.

Kim blinks for a moment before she sighs in defeat and takes the offered doll. When was she deduced to a human being that spends her evenings playing Barbie with a four year old?

**Later **

"This is a really nice restaurant Liv." Serena says as she grins and takes a sip from her glass of wine.

"Great, I'm glad that you like it." Olivia responds slightly shifting in her chair. "I remember that Italian food is your favorite, so I assumed that you would really like this place."

A small frown crosses Serena's features but her smile still remains as she lets out small giggle. "You know what my favorite food is? I didn't think you paid any attention to a detail that's so insignificant."

Olivia shrugs and absentmindedly pushes around her salad on her plate. "I'm a detective; it's my job to notice the little things I guess. Not that I see that as a little thing because it's not I was just…saying. Anyway, point is…I noticed…right?" she trails off nervously wondering why she's becoming so nervous all of a sudden. This isn't a date. "So, um, you and Cece went to Abbie's grave today?"

"Yeah, I go every year on her birthday. I feel like it's at least one day that she doesn't have to constantly spend alone." Serena replies, not as sad as she would have on normal circumstances. But wait, why aren't these normal circumstances? What about this isn't normal? "Cece just knows so much about her now; it's truly amazing. She made Abbie a little birthday card today and she had me put it there along with the flowers. It just seems like she's growing up so fast, and she's leaving me behind. She's getting so big now."

"She is. The amazing thing is, she looks just like you, so there's no doubt in my mind she's going to grow up to be exceptionally beautiful."

Once again, Serena feels her face grow hot and she knows for a fact that she's blushing. "I-I well…thanks…I guess. Um…I-I like to take Sierra to the park on weekends so she can play. Would you like to go with us this coming weekend? I'm sure she'd really enjoy it if you came along."

Olivia smiles and nods her head at the offered invitation. "That's sounds awesome, I'd love to."

"Great, that's great." Serena replies numbly as she becomes lost within her own thoughts. _'Why do I keep blushing?! This isn't a date!' _

**Meanwhile…**

"No Barbie, I think that we have to stop for gas so we make it to the mansion!" Kim exclaims in a high pitched voice as she moves the doll around to emphasize the dialogue. It she were being honest, she hates Barbie dolls, simply because she doesn't have one. If anything, she would rather be at home right now curling up with Michaela and watching CSI, but because Sierra wants to play dolls; Kim will play dolls.

The two are interrupted by a round of quick knocking on the front door, and Kim frowns upon hearing it. Who honestly has no idea of who could be knocking at the door, unless it's Serena, but that wouldn't make sense because she shouldn't be back so soon.

"Hang on sweetie." Kim says as she gets off of the floor and makes her way over to the door. Without looking through the peephole, she opens the door and immediately gasps at who she sees on the other side. "Alex? What are you doing here?" she questions, her eyes widening when she sees the large bruise on the side of the blonde's face. "Oh my god, what happened to your face?"

"W-where's Serena?" Alex stutters as she walks past Kim and into the apartment. "I-I-I need to talk to Serena, is she here?"

"No, she's not, she went out with Liv." Kim explains as she makes her way into the living room. "Alex, what happened to your face?"

Alex opens her mouth but abruptly closes it when she sees Sierra watching the two of them worriedly. "Cece, can you go play in your room for a little while? Auntie Kim and I need to have a grown up talk."

Sierra nods her head before she quickly gathers her dolls together and heads off to her room to leave the two adults to talk about whatever it is that they need to talk about.

Kim makes sure that Sierra is clear out of earshot before she turns back to Alex and gives her a stern look. "What happened to your face?" she asks for a third time, her voice flat and demanding.

Alex looks down and nervously shakes her hands as she takes several shaky deep breaths. "She hit me Kim." She says quietly, her voice coming out as a scared whisper. "Casey hit me…"

"I'll kill her." Kim responds blandly with widened eyes.

"No you won't Kim…"

"Would you like to make a bet on that?"

"Seriously, I-" Alex pauses as she takes a moment to swallow thickly. "I don't need someone to be angry right now. I need you to be here because I'm scared, and I don't know what to do."

There is another pause before Alex breaks down completely and she soon finds her self sobbing hysterically in the brunette's arms. "Oh god, I-I don't know what I'm going to do. She was so mad at me for ruining our wedding, but who wouldn't have been upset? I did a terrible thing to her. I did such a terrible thing, and she was so angry at me."

"She grabbed you." Kim says quietly pulling away as she gently runs her fingers over the handprint shaped bruise on one of Alex's wrists. "She grabbed you."

"She…she grabbed me, and she told me that it was my fault. She told me that I was a lying bitch, and she accused me of never being in love with her. She said I broke her heart, and she grabbed me. I tried to get her to let go, but she didn't. Oh god, her eyes…it's like she wasn't even there anymore. They were cold, and hard, and it's like she wasn't even there. It wasn't my Casey that was in there. She grabbed me, and then it all happened so fast because the next thing that I knew, she hit me, and I was on the floor. It wasn't just a smack either, she really hit me Kim. She backhanded me so hard I fell. Then she just left. I-I didn't get a chance to look at it, is it that bad?"

"You're gonna need make up." Kim informs as she and the distraught woman take a seat on the sofa. "I'm so sorry that this happened, Alex. Are you going to press chargers? Call the police?"

Alex frowns and shakes her head vigorously. "Of course not! I'm not going to press charges! She was drunk Kim, and I know that she didn't mean it. It was an accident. She was just…mad at the time."

Kim shakes her head and sighs as she drags her fingers through her hair. "Being upset about something is never an excuse to lay a hand on someone. She had absolutely no right to hit you."

"I know that, okay? I know, but I'm sure she's sorry. I'll just…I'm going to give her some space then I'm going to try and talk to her. But right now, I'm really scared Kim. I don't know what to think! She's never, ever, ever, hit me and she promised me that she wouldn't. Please promise me you won't say anything to Serena, or Liv? Please…if they're going to know I want to be the one to tell them, and it won't be soon because I used my one person confession on you tonight. Please promise me you won't tell them."

"I promise that I will not tell Serena or Olivia about Casey hitting you." \

**District Attorney's Office of Manhattan **

"Novak, get up." Liz commands flatly as she barges into Casey's office without even bothering to knock first.

Casey scowls darkly and immediately stands from her chair wondering what the hell it is that Liz wants, and what is so damn important that she can't even knock like a normal, civilized person. "What do you want Liz?" she states exasperatedly.

Liz glances at the uniform officer that she had brought with her and nods her head before turning towards the angry looking attorney. "Blow."

Casey frowns and opens her mouth to question what the hell Liz means by blow, but she soon realizes what the statement means when she sees the officer holding a breathalyzer in front of her lips. She knocks the cop's hand away and glares even harder at her boss, if that's even possible. "What the hell is this?!"

"Me ordering you to blow into that breathalyzer. Now I'm going to ask you, no, I'm going to tell you again; blow." Liz repeats, putting emphasis on the right words here and there to get what she wants done.

Casey glares at the older woman for another few seconds before she reluctantly takes the electronic into her mouth and blows in to it for the allotted amount of time. She waits until the officer says she can stop before she returns to glaring at her boss.

"Ma'am, it's point sixteen." The officer states reading the device before turning to Liz. "That's double the legal limit…"

Liz nods again before she turns towards Casey. "I want you out of here. Now."

"What the fuck, are you firing me?!" Casey shouts angrily, hitting her desk causing the officer to jump from the sudden noise.

"I'm not firing you Cassandra, I'm telling you to leave. You're intoxicated whether you're showing it or not, and you can't be a liability for your health here. I'm doing this because I care, now I want you out of here. NOW."

Casey stands stationary for a moment before she quickly and violently begins throwing her things together. She grabs her purse and shoves her laptop into its case before slinging that over her shoulder. She roughly pushes past the officer, and makes her way out of her office, swinging the door open so hard that it rebounds roughly off the wall.

Liz sighs to her self as she exits Casey's office and shakes her head. She leans against the doorframe and turns her head towards the brunette who is leaning against the wall. "How did you know that she was drunk?"

"I had a hunch." Kim responds flatly before she spins on her heel and makes her way back towards her own office. "I had a hunch…"

**Leave your feedback? **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Jeez guys, a lot of you all are ragging on Amanda, and she's not even in the story right now! What's up with that?! **

**Also, I should have stated earlier. If you haven't, I repeat, if you HAVE NOT read Dangerous Collisions, I highly suggest that you should, so things here will make a ton more sense. It might explain some things, and honestly, I know that there are more than a few of you who haven't read Dangerous Collisions than some of you are acknowledging. Granted, I can't force you to read it, and it really is your decision, but I just thing that it's a valid decision to read it so you won't be confused :) Anyway, here's the next chapter for you guys! **

_**Chapter 8**_

"This is making me depressed, and I'm not even one of the direct parties involved." Serena groans as she slumps in her chair. "Alex has cried more in the past three days than she has her entire life. Even when we were kids and when she 'fell' off of the swing set and sprained her wrist, she didn't cry; just pouted the whole way to the doctor's office."

"When you say 'fell' is that code for 'I pushed her'?" Kim asks inquisitively as she arches an eyebrow.

"THE POINT IS, Alex doesn't cry over hardly anything so I know that the fact she's cried enough to fill my bathtub twice means that she's really hurting right now." Serena states as she shakes her head sadly. "It's so sad really. Anyway, you never told me exactly how Casey sorta got suspended. What happened?"

Kim bites down on her lip before she crosses one of her legs over the other and shrugs. "I was worried about her," she says nonchalantly. Though, it isn't a lie at all because she is extremely worried about Casey's well being, but she isn't sure if Alex has told Serena about what happened not too long ago. "I was worried that she had too much and would show up to work drunk, so I told Liz about her little 'problem' and suggest that she give a breathalyzer. Casey was twice the legal limit, so Liz promptly escorted her out of the building."

Serena hums and nods her head as she leans back in her chair. "Does this by any chance have to do with the ugly bruise on my best friend's face, and the bruise that's shaped like a hand on her wrist?"

"Did she tell you?"

"Not by choice. She hadn't exactly caked her face in foundation yet when I saw her, and she tried to tell me that she fell but of course as an ADA who has worked an SVU case at least once, I most certainly never believe the 'I fell' story. That and she couldn't explain the bruise on her wrist, so I hounded her until she told me. I couldn't believe it when she told me really. I mean, Casey is as sweet as can be; well, I mean she used to be. I don't know what happened to her now. I do know that I'm worried about Alex though. You don't think Casey would go looking for her do you?"

Kim shakes her head in the negative at the question. "Nah, she's not crazy stalker type. She's more of the 'I'm immune to becoming ridiculously drunk, and as long as you stay away from me, I won't have the chance to be pissed off at you' type. Right now, she's not gonna even think about Alex unless Alex goes to her asking for it. Which would most definitely be asking for trouble on Alex's part. Personally, it took everything I had not to introduce Casey to my fist when Alex told me she hit her."

"I was pretty pissed off too, and I still am, but what can we do? If Alex says that it's fine, then as her best friends all we can do is honor and respect her wishes. I just wish everything was back to normal with out all of this depression, angst, and heartache floating around in the atmosphere." Serena concludes with a small sigh. "So Alex is staying with you tonight?"

"Yeah, she keeps saying that she doesn't want to intrude, but I keep telling her that it's really no problem at all. Although, something tells me she's afraid of my kitty cat."

"EVERYONE is afraid of that cat. She's terrifying."

"She is not! Michaela is the sweetest little thing!"

"You should see the way she looks at everyone that isn't you. It's like she glares at them as if she's plotting for ways to get rid of them in her tiny little kitty brain. She's an evil cat." Serena states flatly. "Anyhow, I heard that Alex was using up a whole lot of her vacation time; which if you know her is probably a hell of a lot seeing as she takes off for almost nothing. Who's filling in at SVU?"

Kim narrows her eyes and taps her chin briefly before tilting her head to the side as she tries to recall the answer to the question. "I think its Rubirosa, but I wouldn't put my monies on it. Either her or Paxton, but I'm pretty sure it's Rubirosa."

Serena's nose wrinkles as she shakes her head. "Oh god, I haven't run into Sonya Paxton in forever. That woman scares me more than your cat. Then Connie is like superbly nosey about everything. I'll tell you, if you ever wanna know about who did what and when in the office, you better go to her. She takes 'water cooler' gossip to a whole new level. It's like she's a walking bathroom stall of the girls' restroom in high school."

"What in the hell does that even mean?" Kim asks curiously as she tries to mentally analyze Serena's metaphor.

"Oh that's right, Miss Greyleck here was home schooled so she never say the wondrous glories of being a teenager. Well in high school, the latest gossip would always be written on some sort of surface in the girls' bathroom, typically the stalls." Serena explains with a small shrug. "Basically what I'm saying is that Connie is very, very, VERY, nosey."

This time Kim's nose wrinkles as she shifts awkwardly in her seat. "I dunno, she seems kinda innocent to me; maybe a little ditzy here and there. Granted, she knows how to do her job, but still, she just seems…innocent. Maybe it's because she hasn't exactly been here as long as the rest of us that I'm getting this 'newbie' vibe still."

"That still doesn't mean she's not nosey. Every time she sees me having a casual conversation with Olivia in the hallway, she'll give me this smug little smirk before she disappears to her office or wherever the hell she's going."

"Serena, that's not just a Connie thing, everyone gives you that smirk when they see you talking to Olivia. Hell, I have given you that smirk countless times in the past thirty minutes we've been talking whenever one of us stopped to mention the lovely detective. You know you blush whenever you mention her right?"

As if on cue, heat rushes to Serena's face and she blushes the color of the mercury in a thermometer. "I do not blush."

Kim raises her eyebrows and snorts humorously. "And I am the next heir to the throne after Queen Elizabeth." She states proudly and sarcastically. "You're blushing right now dodo bird. How come you wouldn't tell me how your date went?"

"Because it wasn't a date! That's why! We just went and had dinner where we sat and talked about everything and nothing. It was really nice." The blonde attorney concludes with a satisfied, warm smiling curling across her lips.

"Serena, why can't you just be honest with yourself. Can't you just see yourself having something with Liv? I mean, there's already something there! Why won't you go for it!"

"Because I still feel like it's too soon Kimberly, that's why." Serena says flatly, her tone void of any happiness or joking.

Kim throws up her hands and shakes her head. "Whoa, no need to throw out the forbidden fruit there. You know I said that you aren't allowed to say that. Hell, I don't even let my mother call me that and she's the one who gave me the stupid name. Anyhow, what do you mean, it's too soon?"

"I mean, I feel like if there was an off chance that I was to start something with Olivia, it would be because the both of us are still in the healing process."

"And you're going to be in the healing process for a very long time. Pardon me, but you can't wait for that to be completely over. I didn't really wanna out right say this, but I think that it's time to move on or at least I think it's time that you start to…"

Serena takes a deep breath and nods her head shakily. "You're right, I do need to, but I don't really know if I can do that with Liv…"

**Later That Evening **

"Okay, when I said that we should all hang out and do something together to celebrate the start of the weekend, I did not mean this." Kim explains as she feels like she has to nearly shout over the music.

"Loosen up Kimmy, it'll be fun. Besides, weren't you the one telling me earlier that I was the one who needs to loosen up?" Serena asks as she and the three other women find a booth. She slides into the booth and glances at her BFF, a little worried about her mind set. "You know…you didn't have to come if you weren't up to it. We didn't want you to feel forced to be here or anything."

Alex cracks a smile for the first time in probably three or four days. "It's fine Rena. I'm here because I wanted to be here. I'm tired of sitting alone crying my eyes out because of the stress. I feel like getting out would do some good for me."

"It'll do some good for all of us." Olivia adds in with a knowing nod before she turns her gaze on Serena. "Is Cece staying with your mother?"

"No, she's staying with Julie again. She and Julie have become supremely close lately; it's super sweet." Serena replies with a smile. "Something tells me that Julie is probably another reason that Sierra knows so much about Abbie. I mean, I'm not complaining because I'm glad she knows, it's just I never thought that Julie would step up as much as she had. I'm getting a little more lax in leaving Cece alone too. I think that's the only reason I came tonight, so in honor of that, first round's on me!"

Kim rolls her eyes and slumps down further into the booth. She's never really been one for the whole clubbing/partying/etc scene but that's simply because she's been sheltered most of her life. In fact, it may have a lot to do with her bland and blunt personality. Well, at least that's what the others think.

"She only gets like this when she's had way too much sugar in her coffee." Alex says chuckling at the giddiness of her best friend. She and the other two women share a laugh as Serena returns to the table with a tray of shot glasses; oh yes, what fun it is to spend time with friends even if it is in one of the darkest hours of your life.

"I, am in dyer need of a vacation." Olivia says as she quickly knocks back the liquid in the shot glass.

"What? You, take a vacation? That's unheard of!" Alex feigns extreme shock as she places her hand over her heart before she erupts into a stream of laughter. "I'm sorry Liv, but I can't ever see you taking off of work for something."

"I dunno, I guess maybe it's time." The detective explains with a small shrug as she takes the offered beer bottle away from a waiter. "Who knows, maybe there's an off chance that I could possibly even take someone with me." she concludes, taking a sip from her bottle but not before catching Serena's eye.

Like an idiot school girl, Serena ducks her head and prays that due to the lighting, her friends can't see her blush. Unfortunately for her, they can, but fortunately, none of them decide to say anything about it.

After a while, they soon all engage themselves into entertaining conversation that leads them to laughter and minor disputes. Alex soon interrupts as she nudges on Serena's shoulder to slide out of the booth, stating that she has to go visit quote unquote 'the little girl's room'.

"I can't believe that she actually came out with us." Olivia says as she watches Alex disappear within the crowd of people. "I can tell that she's trying to hide how she's feeling, and I must commend her on the fact that she's doing it well."

"It's all she's really ever known how to do." Serena explains taking a small sip of her fruity colored drink. "What she has been telling us, we're lucky that we've even been getting that. She's usually a very…_private_ person."

Kim nods her head and is about to take a sip from her own drink when something across the bar catches her eye. She turns her head and her eyes widen before she ceremoniously spits the contents of her drink back directly into her glass from shock.

"Okay, Kim, that was really gross." Olivia says making a few and scooting away from the rigid attorney.

"Serena, remember that talk we had in your office earlier, and I said that I thought Rubirosa was innocent?" Kim inquires as she wipes her mouth with a napkin.

"Yeah, why?" Serena replies curiously looking at her other best friend in question.

Kim nods her head in the direction she was staring as she continues to wipe her mouth. "Well, something has suddenly made me change my mind."

Serena frowns and follows Kim's line of finish and squints to where she can finally see their coworker engaged in a heavily vibrant make out session with another woman. "That's fascinating Kim, but isn't what Connie does in her spare time her bus-"

"Holy shit, that's Casey," Olivia exclaims as she has a better angle view than Serena does. "I might not typically be able to recognize two people when they're attached at the face like that but I am _POSITIVE _that's Casey."

Serena's jaw practically hits the table and she and the other two women quickly exchange a look. "Oh my god, what are we going to do? There's no telling when Alex is going to come back from the restroom."

"I'll go kill her." Kim says darkly as she quickly downs another shot glass before standing up. "I'll make it quick so no one will notice."

"Kim no!" Serena exclaims as she shoots out of the booth and grabs the brunette's arm. "Besides, you just said 'her' who are you going to kill?"

Kim stares at the other attorney for the longest of times before she rips her arm out of Serena's grasp and continues on to her designated course of action.

"I'll decide on the way over there."

**Things will start to get better in the near distant future. Or is it distant near future? Hell, I don't know. I haven't exactly worked out in my head how long this will be, but things will get better! I promise! Leave your feedback! **


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

Serena's eyes widen in alarm and she acts quickly where she eventually positions her self in front of a very determined Kim. She places both hands on the brunette's shoulders and puts enough force into a push to walk her backwards. "You going over there and screaming at the both of them is not going to help the situation, and you know it won't. You're just going to be adding fuel to the fire that's already been raging for a while now."

"But Serena, you're just going to let her get away with this?!" Kim explains pointing to the scene behind Serena. "Alex is your best friend, and Casey is over there-"

"Probably making one of the biggest mistakes that she will ever make in her entire life; but Kim, you've gotta let her mess up on her own. We can't fix everything for her, and eventually, she has to learn to face the music. If she's going to make grown up mistakes, then she has to deal with the grown up consequences. Granted, what she's doing is completely wrong, and it really is making me sick to my stomach to be one of the ones standing here and watch her do it, but we can't go over there guns blazing and anger flaring ready to kick some ass because Casey has decided that she wants to be suck a fucking screw up."

"She's right you know." Olivia says suddenly appearing in the conversation as she places a hand gently on Kim's shoulder. "You really need to calm down, and just leave it alone. Trust me, it would give me no greater pleasure than to rip Casey's tongue out right now, but us being upset won't do anything but make things a whole lot worse than they already are."

"Fine." Kim huffs before she folds her arms tightly across her chest like a defeated child. "But when Alex comes back, we are leaving, and we're going to do movie night just like I had suggested before hand."

"We're leaving?" Alex asks curiously as she reproaches her group of friends. "Why are we leaving so soon? I thought we were having fun?" she questions again. Her face falls however when she catches sight of what it is that suddenly has everyone so stirred up all of a sudden. "Oh…"

"Alex, we can leave right now." Serena says softly reaching out towards her best friend's hand.

Alex swallows thickly and opens and closes her mouth several times before she is able to form something remotely coherent. "I-I…yeah, we can…but I want to speak with her first." She says shakily as she makes her way from her friends. Is this still considered cheating on Casey's part? Or is Alex just reading to far deep into this? She doesn't know, but she's determined to find out. "Casey…?"

Casey's eyes pop open immediately at that very recognizable voice that she could point out anywhere, no matter what the setting. She immediately releases her hold on Connie from where she had the brunette bent over into a dip position, feverishly attacking her lips, and the action immediately causes the woman to fall to the floor.

"Ow! Hey, what the hell!" Connie exclaims as she feels Casey's lips suddenly absent from her own, and she soon comes in harsh impact with the floor.

Casey rolls her eyes and runs her fingers through her hair before she stands up straighter and gives Alex her best smile. "H-hey Alex, what's going on? What're you doing here?"

Ignoring Connie who seems to be mumbling several profanities as she gets back to her feet, Alex blinks several times as if she's trying to comprehend what has just happened. "I-I was out…with some friends…I didn't expect to see you here. Especially not with…how is this fair Casey? Please tell me how any of this is fair?"

"Alex, I don't really think this is the time. Can we please not do this now?" Casey asks exasperatedly as she pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Why not now? It seems like this is one of the only times that you seem relatively close to being sober. This just isn't fair. You don't get to do the things you did and then do something like this. I-I…did we even ever break up?! I don't think we did…" Alex states as she tries willingly to keep her voice from cracking.

Connie's eyes widen and her mouth falls open upon hearing Alex's statement. She swiftly turns towards Casey and fixes the redhead with her best glare. "What the hell? You told me that things had been long over for a while! You said that you had broken up along time ago!"

Casey shrugs her shoulder nonchalantly and doesn't even bother to look at the angry attorney beside her. She gasps in surprise however when she suddenly feels her self being drenched in some sort of alcoholic beverage that Connie had picked up off the bar. Wiping the drink from her face, she opens her eyes in time to see Connie storming past her and out of the bar. "Fucking bitch…" she grumbles, darkly, determined to somehow get her revenge later.

"Wow…you've changed…" Alex says quietly, not really knowing what else she can say about the situation anymore. "We need to talk…but…not now. It needs to be later. I guess you can call me when you're ready." She concludes before she walks away with out another word.

"Yeah, whenever that will be." Casey mumbles to her self as she turns around and signals for the bartender to bring her a drink. She doesn't know what the hell Alex's problem is all of a sudden. After all, she's the one that ran out on her at their wedding. How come she gets play victim now?

**Later that Night **

Alex sits on Kim's sofa with her knees tucked under her chin as she brings another tissue to wipe her eyes. She sniffles for a moment before she takes several shuddering deep breaths, only to internally fail her self by beginning to sob again. Putting her hand over her mouth tightly, she tries extensively to muffle her sobs.

An averaged sized Siamese cat gracefully glides into the living room and skillfully hops up onto the sofa next to the crying blonde. The cat hesitates for a moment before it lowers it's head and slowly crawls across Alex's lap before settling down into a curled up position.

Alex feels a sudden intrusion in her lap, and she looks down to see Kim's cat, Michaela, comfortably curled up into a little spiral on her thighs. Blinking several times, she's wondering what the hell has gotten into this cat. This cat almost never likes to interact with anyone other than Kim, let alone crawl into someone else's lap and stay there. After a few moments pass and Michaela doesn't make any motion that she's going to move, Alex sighs and gently begins stroking the cat's fur.

"You know, you're actually a really nice looking kitty when you're not sending death glares at people." The attorney says with a weak chuckle. Michaela rises up her head and it actually looks like she's appearing to narrow her eyes which causes Alex's weak chuckle to turn into a nervous one. "Okay, okay, I get it. You're always a nice looking kitty; how's that?"

Michaela holds Alex's stare for a moment before she rests her head back on her paws once more and actually begins to purr quietly at the feeling of being petted. The action causes a small smile to spread across Alex's lips.

"You wouldn't mind if I confided in you, would you?" Alex asks rhetorically knowing full well that the cat can't answer her. "You're so lucky to be a cat you know? You don't have any huge responsibilities or any worries or anything. You don't have a job that constantly stresses you out to the point where you're always fighting one of your anxiety attacks at the office. And most of all, you don't have relationship problems. You don't have to sit at home alone at night waiting for your lover to come back and hold you, hell, maybe even make love to you every now and again. You don't have to cry yourself to sleep every night because you're going to sleep in an empty bed AGAIN. You don't have to constantly worry that the love of your life is out there somewhere possibly getting them self into some kind of danger. Then finally one day, they snap at you and they lash out and hit you and they don't even bother to apologize because they probably don't even realize what it is that they did. Finally, you try to push the idea in the back of your mind, and you need something to help you forget. But it all goes wrong when you see them there with their tongue down a coworker's throat and then they proceed to act as if you never even existed, or like you don't even matter anymore. And then after that you cry to yourself for hours and hours and hours and you soon finds yourself spilling your guts to a cat who probably has absolutely no idea what you're saying. God, I'm seriously losing my mind."

"You're not out of your mind, you're just venting." Kim says quietly, wincing when she realizes that she slightly startled the blonde. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

Alex takes a deep breath and begins absentmindedly scratching Michaela behind her ear, causing the cat to purr even louder. "No, no, it's fine. I just feel really crazy for talking to your cat you know? God Kim, I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel anymore. I just feel numb now. I mean, sometimes I have to put my fingers to my neck to even see if my heart is still beating; or what's left of it. And you know what? Through all of this, I feel like I have absolutely no right to be upset with Casey for what happened tonight. It was my fault to begin with. I'm the one who messed up. I ran out on her at what was supposed to be the most special day of both of our lives. I broke her heart and now I'm paying for it. It's my own damn fault."

"Alex, you can't blame your self for what's happened. It isn't your fault. You ran out on your wedding because you were scared, and I suppose that's very understandable. You can't keep making excuses for Casey."

"I love her Kim. I love her more than I've ever loved anything or any one in my whole entire life. I can't lose her; I don't want to lose her. She's…what's happening now…she's not like this. This isn't her. I don't know where she went, but I know that what we are seeing now isn't her. We're breaking each other's hearts Kim. What is this all going to solve if we both keep getting in the way of each other?"

**The Next Day **

"She really is getting so big." Serena says absentmindedly as she watches her daughter play a game of tag with a few other children her age around the small kiddy park. "I know I keep saying that, but it's just really hard to believe it I guess."

"She's such an active little girl too. I've never seen another child who has as much energy as Cece does." Olivia adds in, referring to the little girl on the playground, but she's more occupied with watching the girl's mother instead.

Serena can feel Olivia's gaze on her and she turns her head, immediately blushes when she is met with a pair of dark eyes gazing at her. "I-I…yeah, she's a little ball of energy. You should see her when it's bedtime. She almost never wants to go to sleep, and when I finally am able to get her to go to sleep, she finds away to wake me up at the crack of dawn." She states chuckling a little, trailing off when she sees Olivia's meaningful gaze still lingering on her. There have been several times when she's waned to ask the one question that's been ringing in the back of her mind, but she's never been able to figure out how to do so. Finally, she licks her lips and takes a deep breath feeling that now is as good a time as any. "Liv, can I ask you a question?"

"Anything," Olivia replies, a little worry showing on her face judging by Serena's tone of voice.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you here like this?"

"I'm afraid I don't understand the question."

With a sigh, the attorney drags her fingers through her hair and closes her eyes. "I tried to word that better, but it didn't come out the way I had liked it too, but I may as well continue since it's out there. I mean, you're always around a lot. You spend a lot more time with Sierra than any of the others do, even Alex, and we all know how badly she was kids. But you…you have some sort of special bond with Cece that Alex, Kim, and Casey don't have. It's almost like…I don't know. There's just something about you that she loves, and I can see in your eyes that you really care about her, like she means the entire world to you. Why?"

Olivia sighs quietly and leans forward where her elbows are resting on her knees. "I dunno, I guess I've just never really noticed because being around her is so natural. She's just such a fun loving kid, there's no way that I could not love her. And there is something else." the brunette pauses a little as she takes a soft deep breath. "You know that I was there the night that Abbie died. But what you don't know is that I held her hand the entire time. The entire time, I held her hand all up until she took her last breath. But right before she died, she made me promise that I would take care of you and her unborn daughter at the time. I promised her I'd take care of you and Cece and regardless if Abbie is here to see it or not, I am a woman of my word, and I'm going to honor that promise."

"So that's why you're doing this; because Abbie told you to." Serena states, rather than questions and her tone comes out a lot colder than she intended it to be.

"No, I'm doing this because I care about your daughter." Olivia pauses as she studies the blonde's facial expression. "I care about your daughter, and I care about you…a lot. And not how I care about Alex, or Casey, or Kim, but different."

Serena's heart leaps for a moment and once again, like always, she feels her self beginning to blush for no apparent reason at all. "Why? What makes me different than them?"

"No two people are the same, Serena. You're different than them. You're softer, and warmer, and a mother. I just…I care about you."

Instead of actually having a response, Serena just numbly nods her head. She stands up from the bench when she sees her daughter toddling over towards the two of them, rubbing her eyes in a sleepy manner. "Come on sweetie, I think it's about time for your nap."

By the time the three make it back to Serena's apartment, Sierra has completely fallen asleep, and she takes to her usual habit of sticking her thumb in her mouth in her state of unconsciousness. Serena lays the little girl down in her bedroom and gives her a soft kiss on the head before quietly closing the door and making her way back into the living room.

"She looked like she was out like a light." Olivia jokes with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, she was. That's usually what I love about days like this. I take her and let her tire her self out so she has no other choice but to take a nap." Serena says proudly before giggling. "It's a pretty good strategy if I do say so my self."

"The best…"

There is a long and slightly awkward silence between the two women as neither of them says anything. Finally, Serena is the one to end the silence, where she breaks it with a sigh. "Listen Liv, about what I said at the park…I-I didn't mean anything by it…I was just…"

"Hey, don't worry about it." the detective interrupts with a smalls shrug. "I can see how you would wonder why I was around so much, and you did have a right to know. But that still doesn't mean that I don't care about you."

"I know…" Serena responds quietly and shamefully. It isn't until then that she's fully aware of just how close their proximities are. Everything seems to happen so fast but Serena soon feels a pair of soft and gentle lips pressed firmly against her own as well as a hand on her cheek. Her first initial thought is shock, but for some odd reason, her eyes close and she doesn't pull away from the kiss.

Shock, compliance, shock, fear; those are all of Serena's emotions in a complete order as they occur. It doesn't take too long for her to realize what just happened and as soon as she realizes, she breaks the kiss immediately. "Liv, we can't." she whispers, her eyes still wide from the kiss.

"Why not?" Olivia counters though her voice has dropped down to the same whisper tone as the attorney's.

"Because I can't be Amanda's stand in right now…" Serena answers as she gently pushes on Liv's shoulder to separate their proximities.

Olivia steps back and hangs her head before she nods and runs her fingers through her hair. "Right…I'm sorry." she mutters shamefully as she rubs awkwardly at the back of her neck. "I think that I should go…"

"I think that's best for right now…"

"Can I call you later?"

Serena is quiet for a moment before she nods her head in agreement. The two don't share anything other than a knowing look as Olivia makes her exit. Even after the detective has left, Serena can't help but feel like things have just got a thousand times more complicated.

**Two Weeks Later**

The blonde steps through the doors of the Manhattan District Attorney's office with an obvious hint of determination in her step. Typically, people would probably ignore her presence as just being another detective or something, but there's something about her that alerts them to the fact that she most definitely is not a cop despite the proud Glock holstered on her hip.

Her black button down shirt is tucked finely into her form fitting black slacks and the small heel on her boots clack against the floor as she strides up towards the front desk. She stands stationary and waits patiently for the annoyed looking woman to end her phone call so she can answer any questions.

"What can I do for you…" the irritated young woman asks snidely as she hangs up the phone. She narrows her eyes when she sees that the woman is blocking her reading lot and is not saying anything. "What do you want, lady?"

"Wow, some welcoming secretary you are…" The woman mutters before she rolls her eyes. "Actually, you can do something for me. I'm here to see Alexandra Cabot."

The secretary rolls her eyes and rests her chin on her hand. "Do you have an appointment?" she asks snidely.

"What? No, but I-"

"Then I can't help you. Miss Cabot is very particular about how she wants things done, and I'm sorry honey but this isn't your local beauty salon. She doesn't take walk ins."

The blonde narrows her eyes before she reaches down towards her belt and pulls off something that resembles a wallet. She hands it to the woman who stares at it for the longest it of moments before taking it from her outstretched hand.

The secretary takes the item and opens it before her eyes widen. She peers over her desk and looks down at the gun at the woman's hip. She swallows thickly before she hands the woman her credentials back. "R-right. Um, she should be in her office right now. Sixth floor. If you get lost, I'm sure someone up there would be glad to help you find it. I'm sorry for the trouble."

"Of course you are." The blonde replies as she shakes her head and strides off towards the elevator. She steps into the lift and presses the button for the sixth floor before she leans against the wall and waits patiently for the lift to reach her destination.

Moments later, the elevator dings and she quickly steps off where she is met with the typical musings of an office. Deciding that she can figure things out on her own, she strides down the hall pass several busy offices and interns until she comes to the door that has 'A. Cabot' etched into the golden name plate. Taking a deep breath, she raises her fist and knocks on the door.

"Come in." a rather shaky voice calls from the other side of the door, and it immediately alerts her to the fact that something is wrong. She opens the door, and steps into the office before closing it behind her, frowning when she sees the attorney hastily wiping her tears.

"Hey, um, I didn't think you'd be here so soon." Alex says sniffling as she shifts through her desk for another Kleenex.

JJ shrugs her shoulders and takes a seat in one of the chairs across from Alex's desk. "Well, I did say that it'd be a week or so." She chuckles lightly before her face turns serious. "Now, you said that you've been having problems. More so with Casey in particular. Mind telling me what I'm getting my self into?"

"It's a very long story…"

"I've got time. That's why I'm here right?"

**Uh oh, shit just got real. Lol, leave your feedback? **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Had writer's block :( but here is the next chapter for you guys!**

Casey stares into the contents of her scotch and swirls the liquid around in the glass before she takes a knowing sip. She savors the slightly tingling burn that she feels as the amber colored liquid makes the slow slide down her throat. Sighing heavily, she deems that she enjoys the feeling, so she decides to down the rest of the scotch in the glass.

She knows for a fact that Alex is still probably upset about what happened at that club with Connie, but in Casey's defense, Alex is the one who ran out on their wedding. Casey is the one who was ready to get married that day. She was standing at the altar with a wide smile on her face ready to officially spend the rest of her life with the woman she loves so much, and vise versa. But then Alex just had to go and mess everything up.

"Fuck you Alex…" she mumbles before she reaches forward and snatches an unopened beer bottle off the coffee table. The cap is on too tight, and after several failed attempts of trying to open the faulty object, Casey angrily hurls the bottle against the wall, not caring that it explodes in a liquid mess as glass shatters to the floor.

"Fuck this…fuck everything. Why is everything so fucking stupid!" she shouts angrily into the nothingness of the empty apartment. "Damnit Abbie, why'd you have to die!? Can't you see what I turn into with out you?! Can't you see that all of this is because you're dead, and you aren't here to talk me out of all of my shit decisions?! Why aren't you here! We've always promised that we'd be there for each other regardless whether or not the other needs it. But I need you NOW Abigail, I need you! I need you here! I feel like…I've lost more than my best friend! You were like my sister Abbie, we were like sisters! And now you're gone! Damnit, why wasn't I there!? We didn't even spend that much time together right before you died, all because I was so caught up in my love life, and I was being so fucking stupid about every little damn thing that was going wrong! I took my time with you for granted and now you're gone! You're fucking gone, and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye or anything! At your funeral, it was closed casket, and I didn't even get to see you! All I know is that you are my best friend, my sister, my reflection, and now you're six feet in the ground and I can't hug you anymore just like we would hold each other during one of our talks! You get rained on day in and day out, you see the sun rise and set, you go through the changes of the seasons, and you can't do a damn thing about it because you're in a box in the fucking ground! I can't keep living like this! I need you here! No one gets what's happening on the inside of me. No one can know EXACTLY how I feel about everything that's going on right now. It's not fair! That bastard shouldn't have taken you away from all of us, away from Serena, away from your daughter, away from me. It just wasn't fair! There is not a day that goes by that I don't wish that I was me bleeding out in that cellar. That it's me that's buried in that cold box of death! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! I deserved it! You didn't deserve it! You were supposed to have a family and you are supposed to be here watching that beautiful little girl grow up to be an amazing woman. You are supposed to be here! But you can't and it's all because that fucking bastard decided he was going to take you away when he had absolutely no right to do that! I hope the asshole is rotting slowly in hell!" Casey pauses to her self before she starts laughing menacingly. "You know that's so fucking hilarious because if I died right now, I bet I'd be sitting right next to the bastard that killed you. I would be sitting right next to him and you know what? I bet I fucking deserve it."

A loud series of banging causes the rest of Casey's rant to die on her lips. She takes a large swig straight from the scotch bottle before she gets off the couch. She steps over the trashed and broken bottles that litter the expanse of the apartment as she makes her way over to the door. Quickly undoing the locks, she swings the door open, not giving a damn if it was her fucking mother on the other side. "Who the fuck do you think you are knocking on my door like-"she pauses when she slowly begins to recognize her intruder. "JJ?"

JJ raises her eyebrows and forces herself not to gag as she can literally smell the alcohol radiating off of her ex lover in vibrant waves. She matches Casey's cold stare, but internally winces when she sees the loss, anger, and jaded clouds in the usually vibrant green eyes. God, it's even worse than Alex made it sound.

Remembering what she is there to do; JJ shakes her head before she pushes past the angry redhead and storms into the apartment. As soon as she steps into the living room, she freezes in horror when she realizes that the apartment is literally in shambles.

"Get the FUCK out! I can call the fucking cops on you!" Casey shouts angrily from where she is still standing at the door.

"Yeah, you try it. Honey, I'm worse than the cops." JJ snorts dismissively. "I'm an FBI Agent, and you are wasted drunk. Let's see who the cops believe."

Casey grips the door tightly before she slams it shut and stalks back into the living room fixing the blonde agent with a hard cold glare that SHOULD have intimidated JJ but sadly on Casey's part, it doesn't. "What the fuck do you want? Why the fuck are you here?"

"Did you make this mess?" JJ asks, extending her hand in the mess around the living room as she completely ignores Casey's ranting. Over the past few years, JJ's compassion has wavered, especially when it comes to situations like this. Garcia always tells her that she's pretty much adopted this hardass style of doing her job, but if it gets the job done, what's it matter? "Answer me Casey, did you make this me!?" she repeats again, slightly raising her voice in volume.

"So what if I fucking did?! It's not your business! I fucking live here, not you!" Casey shouts back viciously.

JJ clicks her tongue and shakes her head in disgust. "I have never seen you like this. Ever. When I met with Alex, and she told me what was going on, I honestly did not think that you were this bad."

Casey's eyes flash in anger and her nostrils flare like a bull about ready to charge. "So she fucking called you over here. Well let me tell you something Jennifer, I don't need a fucking babysitter."

"Could've fooled me. What's wrong with you Casey? You aren't like this. This person…hell, I don't even know what to begin to think. What's going on?"

"What's going on is I am so sick of people like you getting in my business, that's what's going on, and that's what's wrong with me. Why can't you just stay the fuck away?!"

"Maybe because you have a problem?" JJ scrutinizes as she invades the attorney's personal space, suddenly forgetting the fact that the woman wreaks of alcohol. "Maybe because we care about you?"

"Get out of my face Jareau." Casey releases a deadly growl as she feels all sense of personal space fly out the window.

"I'll stay in your face if I want to." JJ growls back before gives Casey a shove and she snorts humorlessly once again. "You know what you're problem is? You're scared."

"DON'T fucking push me." Casey replies angrily, hating the fact that the blonde just takes this as an initiative to shove her once again. "Stop it!"

"You're scared because you hate admitting that you're wrong." JJ continues on as she begins profiling her ex. "You hate admitting that you're wrong, and you're scared to admit that you need help." She concludes shoving Casey once again.

"I'm warning you Jennifer, stop fucking pushing me."

"Or what? You'll hit me?"

Casey clenches her fist angrily but simply flinches when the blonde pushes her yet again. "STOP!"

"Like I said or what? You'll hit me?" JJ patronizes as she begins to push farther. "Because let me tell you something. There's nothing that pisses me off more than someone who hits women, regardless of their gender. So if you're going to swing on somebody, swing on me, someone who can take you and NOT Alex."

"I don't know what you're talking about! I never laid a hand on Alex!" Casey shouts angrily, feeling like she's being falsely accused.

"Because the bruises that were on her face say other wise. I saw pictures, and I have confirmation from her friends. There was a bruise on her face from where YOU hit her Casey. As an officer of the law, and even more so a federal agent, I SHOULD have half a mind to arrest you for it right now, but as a friend and a human being, I'm more concerned for your safety. YOU hit her Casey, and there is proof of it."

Casey shakes her head as she feels tears starting to well up on her eyes. "No…NO! That's not true, I've never hit her! I would…I wouldn't hit her! Never! I promised!" she shouts in denial.

JJ's glare softens but only a little and she shakes her head once again. "You might not remember it Casey, but it happened. You hit her, and she's afraid of you. Did you ever stop to think that maybe that's why she didn't want to marry you? She's afraid of you Casey…"

This time, Casey allows her tears to fall. For the first time in probably almost a month, she has a quick glimpse of reality. "Oh god," she whimpers right before her stomach lurches. She spins on her heel and quickly sprints to the bathroom where she immediately empties the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Soon, as she violently wretches for a second time, she feels her hair being gather behind her, and a hand rubbing seemingly soothing circles on her back.

Even after what feels like hours of throwing up, she continues to heave until the remaining bile turns into nothing. She dry heaves for a few more minutes before she collapses against the bathtub. She draws her knees to her chest and begins sobbing heavily, her body beginning to wrack with violent sobs. "Oh god, what have I done!"

JJ digs around for a moment before she finds a hand towel and runs it under the icy water from the sink. She wrongs the towel a bit before she squats down and places it on Casey's forehead. "Shhh, calm down. It's okay."

"It's not okay Jen! It's not! I hurt her! I promised her I wouldn't, I promised everyone else I wouldn't! But I did! I-I didn't mean to Jennifer, honest I didn't. Oh god, look at me."

"Casey, shhh, it's okay." JJ coos softly combing her fingers through Casey's read hair. "It's okay, we'll fix this."

"How?" Casey looks up, her eyes already swollen and puffy from the amount of tears she's shed.

"I'll help you. Okay? I'll help you."

**Serena Southerlyn's Apartment **

"Mommy, how come you and Livia haven't hanged out anymore?" Sierra says with a small pout one day that takes her mother completely off guard.

Serena pauses from where she is washing the dishes but refrains from turning around to make eye contact with her daughter. "We've both been very busy Sierra. I suppose that we just haven't had the time." And it's not all a lie. Things have gotten a lot busier at the office what with Kim being out with the flu, but it's not all the truth either.

The truth is, Serena can't help but feel like things have been a little more than awkward between her and Olivia ever since the day that the detective decided to kiss her. Maybe she's been reading a little too much into it, or maybe she's not; Serena hasn't decided on which one it is yet. All she knows is that she and Liv desperately need to have a talk, but neither of them knows how to initiate it.

"Can we go see her then? I miss her…" Sierra adds in as she carefully climbs down from her chair at the table, and picks up her empty plate to take to her mother. "Please Mommy?"

"I don't know Baby…she might be bus-"

"Please Mommy?"

Serena looks down and deeply into the pleading icy blue eyes that match her own. With the pleading look that Sierra is giving her, she knows she's about to cave completely as a small smile appears on her face. "Okay, I'll tell you what…let me finish the dishes, and then we will go by and see Olivia okay?"

"Okay Mommy!" Sierra quips happily before bounding into the living room, completely oblivious to the fact that she practically has her mother wrapped around her tiny little finger.

Serena finishes doing the dishes and she soon moves back into the living room to find Sierra anxiously waiting for her. She chuckles before she ties both of the little girls shoes and takes one of her hands. "Come on sweetheart."

By far, this is most definitely not the way that she had foreseen that she and Olivia would be seeing each other on the given circumstances. But she knows that had she said no, Sierra probably would have thrown a fit, and four year old fits are just not something that Serena can put up with right now.

Sierra hums animatedly as the two of them make their way to the detective's apartment. Serena takes a much needed deep breath before she raises her fist to knock softly on the door. A few moments pass and there is no answer so she knocks again.

"Is she home, Mommy?" Sierra asks in a quiet whisper.

"I don't know Honey." Serena says as she raises her fist to knock for a third time. Just as her fist is about to connect, the door opens revealing Olivia in what look like work out clothes. "Oh my…" Serena gasps out as her eyes travel over the detective who is clad in a black tank top and black running pants. Her hair is tied into a ponytail, her body is slightly glistening and the tightness of the tank top perfectly accentuates her toned abdominal muscles, giving way to what's underneath. Long story short, Serena feels like the oxygen has been sucked out of the room.

"Hey there," Olivia greets the too with a warm smile before she slightly frowns upon seeing Serena's facial expression where she has her mouth open like a goldfish. "Rena, are you alright?"

"I think she's shy." Sierra whispers, giggles before she tugs on her mother's hand. "Mommy, Livia answered."

Serena blinks stupidly before a nervous smile forms at her lips. "I-I-I'm sorry…we didn't mean t-t-to intrude o-or anything…s-sorry…"

Olivia chuckles and moves to the side so the little family of two can enter her apartment. "Hey, it's no big deal. I apologize for my appearance but I literally just walked in the door from my run. I haven't had a chance to shower yet."

"Oh…I'm sorry…like I said, we didn't mean to intrude." Serena mumbles, faintly blushing. "Sierra just…she wanted to um…"

"Hey, if I can just hop in the shower real quick, I'm pretty sure I'll be a lot easier to talk to. Do you mind?"

"No, not at all. Take your time. We'll just wait here."

"Great, thanks. I'll try to be quick, I promise." Olivia states before she dashes off towards her bedroom.

Serena takes in a shuddering deep breath before she digs in her bag and pulls out a coloring book and a pack of crayons. "Here Cece." She says softly handing over the items, knowing just how to keep her daughter occupied.

In fact, Serena becomes so lost in her own thoughts that almost fifteen minutes later, she is startled by Olivia speaking to her.

"Gee, Serena, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." the brunette winces a little before she smiles warmly, slightly ruffling the occupied little girl's hair. "So you wanted to come visit me Kiddo?"

Sierra puts down her crayons and smiles up at her favorite detective. "Yep!" she squeals happily, wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck when the brunette picks her up. "But I think Mommy wanted to see you too." She whispers before giggling again.

"Is that so?" Liv replies with a smile before she puts Cece back on the floor. "Serena, can we um…maybe talk in the kitchen?"

Serena hesitates for a moment before she shakily nods her head. She casts a knowing glance at her daughter who has went back to coloring before she follows Olivia into the kitchen and out of earshot of Cece.

Olivia shoves her hands in to the pockets of her jeans and she studies the floor for a long moment before she actually says something. "Listen, Serena, I'm really sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Serena asks curiously looking up from where her own gaze is fixated on the floor.

"About…the kiss. It was out of line on my part, and completely inappropriate and I'm sorry." Olivia explains quietly.

"Liv, I said that it was fine. It was really not that big a deal."

"Which is why you've been avoiding me for almost three and a half weeks now right?"

The tone of the detectives words startle Serena, and her eyes widen in shock. She knows that Liv didn't mean for the words to come out the way they did, but she also knows they only display Liv's emotions. "I-I haven't been avoiding you…"

Olivia raises her eyebrows and wraps her arms around her self. "Really? Because I feel like you have. Whenever I come to you for lunch or something, you always claim to be extra busy. I'm a detective Serena, I know that's not the case."

"I have been busy! Kim has been out and I've been working to-"

"Kim has had the flu for four days tops, you've been avoiding me for twenty one, and I know it's about the kiss. Did it really bother you that much? I've said I was sorry…"

Serena runs her fingers through her hair and sighs heavily. "I don't know Liv. I-I…it confused me okay? I mean…I don't want you to be around just because you feel sorry for me. I'm working on healing, and I want to move on, but I don't want anyone's pity."

"And I'm not pitying you." Olivia states softly as she steps forward and rests her hands on Serena's folded arms. "Serena, I care about you, a lot. I like you…a lot. I'm not around you because I feel sorry for you, I'm around you because I know that I feel something for you." she pauses but quickly continues when she sees Serena's mouth snap open, preparing to speak. "And I don't see you as Amanda's replacement. Even when she was here, things were…easier with you. I just…I like you, and I'm not going to lie and say I don't have any kind of feelings for you. Yes, I've done some thinking, and while I was going to propose to Amanda, her leaving made me realize that I don't need to let myself wallow in depression because she's not here. I'm not going to cry myself to sleep at night because she left when I tried too hard for her. I'm not."

Serena is quiet for a moment before she sighs and lets her head fall on Olivia's shoulder. "I don't know Liv…"

"Let me take you out…on a date. A real date.

"You don't think it's too soon?"

"We can move at our own pace…not anyone else's pace, but our own pace."

**Damn, talk about JJ and tough love. Well, somebody had to do it right? Anyhow, sorry for the wait again, hope it was worth it. Leave your feedback!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I kinda fast forwarded in the middle of this chapter, but there's a reason for that. Anyway, happy readings to you!**

Kim groans as she is rudely drawn from her much needed slumber. After a moment of silence, she drags all of her covers over her head and then proceeds to try to fall back asleep. Unfortunately, luck is not on her side, and a knocking on her front door prevents her from doing so.

Groaning groggily, she peels back the blankets from her comfortable cocoon and swings her aching legs over the edge of her bed. She stands on wobbly legs and wraps her arms around herself to keep warm as she makes her way out of her bedroom.

Coughing and hacking all the way to the front door, Kim runs her fingers through her hair to make her self look at least moderately presentable incase who ever is knocking on her door is of any importance. She sneezes once before she undoes the locks and swings the door open. "What…" she croaks, trying to bring her visitor into focus.

"Wow you look…interesting." Casey says awkwardly. "No scratch that, you look terrible. Are you sick?"

"No, I was just trying out a new look." Kim sneers sarcastically before going into a round of coughing. She wheezes once she recovers and rubs the exhaustion away from her eyes. "I have the flu, so pardon me if I don't look like a princess right now. What the hell do you want, anyway? I'm not going to be shy and say that you are definitely not a face that I want to see at my front door, at this ungodly hour, let alone any other time of day."

Casey winces before she ducks her head and sighs. "I guess I deserved that…"

"No, you deserved to be slapped in the face, but unfortunately I'm in too much pain to do such a thing. What do you want?" Kim repeats, her patience beginning to wear thin, but mostly because she's starting to get a little dizzy from standing.

"Um, I was wondering if you could give this to Alex." Casey stutters slightly as she hands over a crisp white envelope over to the sickly brunette.

Kim glances down at the envelope and looks back up at Casey with raised eyebrows. "How come you didn't just man up and give it to yourself instead of doing this cowardly move."

"I didn't want to give it to her myself, because I don't want her to see me. Kim I-…I'm going away for a while, and I don't know when I'll be back, and I don't want Alex to see me like this before I leave. Please, just give it to her?" Casey asks once again, her eyes pleading and begging. "Please!"

"Fine." Kim groans taking the envelope from the begging woman out side her door. "Where are you going? You're not just gonna run away from Alex and all your problems are you?"

Casey sighs heavily and runs her fingers through her hair once again. "No I-…I've came into some sort of calling I guess. I've realized I have a problem, and after I…hurt Alex, I can't go on living like this. So, I'll be away for a little while."

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know…however long it takes for me."

Kim is silent for a long moment before she swallows all of her pride and nods reassuringly. "Well, good luck."

"Thanks." Casey says quietly before she takes a deep breath. "I guess I'll be going…be sure to give Alex that letter, and feel better."

"Thanks, and I will." Kim says reassuringly before the two of them part ways. She closes her door and stares down at the envelope before she makes her way back towards the living room just in time to see Alex tottering her way out of the guest room. "I'm sorry, did my noise wake you?"

Alex yawns and covers her mouth with her hand before she shakes her head. "No, I was about to get up anyway." She replies groggily. "You shouldn't be up moving around, you'll never get better if you refuse to rest."

"Hey, I have been resting Doctor Cabot, and for your information, I was answering the door." Kim croaks in response before she holds out the envelope. "Casey stopped by. She told me that she wanted me to give this to you."

Taking the envelope, Alex frowns as she stares down at it for the longest of moments. "Is that who that was at the door?" she asks, pursing her lips when she sees Kim's nod. "What did she want?"

"Read your letter." Kim states pointing at the envelope as she prepares to go back to her bedroom. "I'm going back to bed."

Alex nods numbly as she continues to stare at the envelope. She slowly lowers her self on to the couch next to a sleeping Michaela, and gently begins to open the envelope. The sound of tearing paper startled the cat, who immediately looks up at the blonde with a glare.

"Sorry," Alex mumbles as she takes the folded white sheet of paper out of the envelope. Opening it, she sees that it's a actually a letter address to her by none other than Casey her self. Taking a deep breath, she begins to quietly read the letter out loud.

_Alex, _

_ I don't even know where I can begin to start this letter other than the fact that I don't deserve you. I guess somewhere in my mind, I've always known that I don't deserve you because you're far too good for me. You're an amazing woman and I just don't deserve you. _

_ It takes an amazing woman like you to put up with everything that you put up with from me. We've had a really hard past few years, and we've had a hell of a lot of rough patches. But, we have had some good times too haven't we? I just fear that all because of me, the bad has greatly outweighed the good. _

_ All of the things that I've done, I shouldn't have. I didn't mean to fall into this dangerous habit that I have, and you know what? You tried to get me to admit to it. You tried to get me to see that I have a problem but because I'm so stubborn and so stupid, I refused to believe it. I was fine with how things were and I was being completely blind to the fact that I was hurting you. In my stupidity, I made you afraid of me, but I was too blind to see it. _

_ By now, we are supposed to be happily married. You're supposed to be Mrs. Alexandra Novak right now, but because I messed up everything, we can't get married; not yet. _

_ I want to take some time to fix things. You calling Jennifer is surprisingly one of the best things that you could've done for me. I didn't think that she would be able to get through to me, and somehow she did by literally laying out all of the things that I've done wrong. I can't understand why, but she wanted to help me, so I let her and that brings me to the whole point of this letter. _

_ I'm going away for a little while Alex. JJ found this nice rehab center where she personally knows one of the doctors there, and they both think that it's really going to help me. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not scared. I'm terrified. My father was an alcoholic and I used to promise my self that I would never turn out to be like that. But now here I am, about to do the very thing that he should have done. _

_ I would have given this to you personally, I probably should have, but in my mind, before I go and get cleaned, this is not how I want you to see me. I couldn't be able to stand watching you look at me with fear in your eyes because you're afraid of me, and I don't want you to see me broken and destroyed like this anymore. _

_ In conclusion, I just want you to know that I love you so much. Really Baby, I do. I love you more than words can't even explain, and I am deeply sorry that I haven't been able to show it. I want to thank you for continuing to have patience with me, and once I come back, we can hopefully pick up where we left off. I love you. _

_ With all my love, _

_ Casey _

Alex has absolutely no idea why she's crying from reading the letter. Maybe it's the fact that Casey is leaving to go get clean, that just brings tears of joy to her eyes. She looks down when she feels something rubbing against her and she moves her hands to allow Kim's cat to settle comfortably into her lap.

"I can't believe it…" she whispers stroking the cat's head. "She is actually going to get help."

* * *

**As Time Passes **

While nearly two and a half months, things seem to been uneventful, but Serena knows that things are far from it. A lot has been going on with her personally, and to be honest, she's found her self to be completely okay with it.

Almost three months ago, she and Olivia had gone on their first official date together with romantic intentions. Ever since then, Serena can proudly say that the two of them are dating quietly; quietly in the sense that neither of them are quite ready to step up and make the official statement of saying that they are really a couple.

Actually, the whole dating quietly thing is more Serena's idea than anything else. Personally, she just doesn't feel like she's ready to formally come out with a new relationship yet. She's happy with the way that things are, and she feels like if they let people know about their relationship, things won't be as easy as they are now.

On the other hand, Olivia would actually have no problem with telling people about their new found relationship, but because it's what Serena wants, she's more than happy to oblige. She remembers that in that near three months back that she told Serena that they could move at their own pace and that's exactly what they've been doing. As long as Serena's happy, then Liv is happy.

The night before was honestly their first time in being completely and totally physically intimate with one another, and the both of them can honestly agree in saying that the moment they shared the night before was well worth the wait.

"Look finally decided to join me." Olivia chuckles as she stares down at the beautiful blonde who is just now starting to open her eyes.

Serena chuckles lowly before she yawns and stretches out her limbs. "It's not my fault you wore me out last night." She giggles before propping herself up on her elbows. "Too be honest, you surprised me a little bit. I didn't think you'd be able to keep up."

"Are you teasing me, Counselor?" Olivia questions upon seeing the smugness on Serena's face. She leans down where she is a centimeter from the attorney's lips and drops her voice down to a taunting whisper. "Because I don't give girls who tease what they want."

"And how do you know I want something, Detective?" Serena teases back. Her smirk turns into a sincere smile as she reaches up and gently places her hand behind Olivia's neck.

She pauses for a moment before she brings their lips together in a gentle yet passionate kiss that begins to lose its innocence as time progresses. Serena can't help but moan in pleasure when she feels those skilled lips begin making a painfully slow decent down her neck, and it is then that she realizes what time of day it is. "Liv, w-we should stop…"

Olivia pulls back and puts on her best pout, obviously disappointed at being interrupted. "Whaaaaat?" she whines.

Serena cocks an eyebrow and shakes her head with a small chuckle. "You just whined. But I'm saying we should stop because Cece has the most impeccable sleeping patter and timing, and I would really not prefer to have my four year old daughter walk in on us like this."

"She's four, just tell her we're playing leap frog or something." Olivia replies with a smirk, earning a swat to the shoulder. "Fine then, but when you put her down for a nap this afternoon, I get to have you all to myself."

"I think that is an excellent compromise. Who knew you could be such a problem solver." Serena jokes lightly.

Olivia grins before leaning down for a quick peck on the lips. "It's part of what I do. You know, I was just thinking that I'm really feeling like a shower right now. Would you like to join me?"

Serena rolls her eyes at the smugness of the question but she can't help but smile. "As tempting as the offer is, we'll have to save our water conservation ritual for another time. But go, enjoy your shower. I'm going to check on Sierra."

Olivia nods and slides out of bed before she begins gathering the necessary things that she's going to need for her shower. She casts a loving smile at Serena once more before disappearing into the bathroom.

Serena climbs out of bed and slips into a pair of pajamas before she makes her way out of bedroom. She quietly wanders down the hall and turns into her daughter's room, only to smile at what she sees. Sierra is curled into a cute little ball on her bed, tightly clutching her favorite blanket with her thumb securely in her mouth.

"I'm never going to be able to get her to stop sucking her thumb." Serena sighs quietly as she moves into the room to remove her daughter's thumb from her mouth.

She hasn't even taken two steps into the room when she swears that she hears a knocking on her front door.

"Wonder who that could be…" Serena wonders aloud as she quickly spins on her heel and makes her way down the stairs towards the front door. She runs her fingers repeatedly through her disheveled bed hair and proceeds to unlock the door. Swinging the door open, she opens her mouth to greet her visitor, but pales considerably as any and all of the words die on her lips.

"Oh my god…"

**Annnnnnnd cliffhanger! Lol, leave your feedback ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Let me clear something up…JJ AND CASEY ARE NOT, I REPEAT, ARE _NOT_ GETTING BACK TOGETHER IN THIS STORY. ANY ROMANTIC FEELING BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM HAS DISSIPATED YEARS AGO. THEY AREN'T GETTING TOGETHER. Anyways now that that's out of the way, Happy readings :)**

_**Chapter 12**_

"Oh my god…" Serena gasps as she literally begins to feel her self go weak in the knees. It's almost as if all of the oxygen has been sucked from the room and she is quietly gasping for the air that isn't reappearing like it should be. Swallowing thickly, she opens her mouth to try to say more words, but all of the words get caught under the thick lump sitting stationary in her vocal cords. If she's honest with her self, Serena actually feels like she wants to feint but her body is too in shock to let her do such a thing.

Still tightly gripping the edge of the door for support, all Serena finds her self able to do is shake her head repeatedly as her mouth opens and closes repeatedly. Finally, after a long internal and external battle with her body, she is able to form some sort of coherent communication. "N-no, t-this isn't….it doesn't…no…" she croaks out, her eyes still wide and unblinking. She begins shaking her head once again as if trying to bring her words to a reality; a reality that isn't supposed to exist.

"Serena, I'm so sorry." Abigail Carmichael forces out, her voice slightly cracking on the tail end of her statement as she attempts to keep her emotions in check.

"This isn't real." Serena begins mumbling as she begins to slowly back into the apartment. This is exactly how many of her dreams have played out, and she wakes up not long after. This is just another one of those dreams, it has to be. But why doesn't she feel like she's asleep? But then again, all of the other dreams have seemed so real. "This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real." She continues to repeat over and over again. "This isn't real. This is a dream. This is just a dream like all the others. This is a dream and this isn't real. You aren't real."

"Serena it's really me. You aren't dreaming." The dark haired woman says quietly as she follows the mumbling woman into the apartment. "You aren't dreaming honey, please just listen to me, okay?"

Serena continues to shake her head and moves to the opposite side of the couch to put a great amount of distance between her and what is supposed to be her presumably dead lover. "No! Stay over there! Don't-don't come near me!" she explains holding out her hand. "You're…you're supposed to be dead. I buried you! I was at your funeral! You're dead!"

Abbie closes her eyes and sighs quietly before she shakes her head slowly. "Think about it Serena, no one saw me. My funeral was closed casket, and it was closed casket because I wasn't in there. You didn't bury me Serena. I'm here, and I'm very much alive."

"T-this still doesn't make any sense. You died that night. You bleed out, and Olivia was there! She saw you die, she was there!"

"I stopped breathing for a little while, but the paramedics were able to somehow keep me alive. When I was in the hospital, two of the men that were holding Amanda and I hostage escaped custody and they started making threats against my life. The next thing I know is I'm in the hospital recovering from a gunshot wound being briefed by U.S. Marshall's about who, what, when, where, and why, on everything in the situation. For the past four years I've been living as someone I'm not in Miami, Florida with a totally different identity, job, personality, everything. I couldn't even be placed in Texas because of my family, and they wanted to get me as far from New York as possible." Abbie pauses as she takes a much needed deep breath. "I tried to get them to let me see you, I really did, but they were unrelenting. The closest they let me be near you was at the funeral. I couldn't leave with out seeing you one last time, but it was killing me that the last that I saw of you and the rest of the girls was all of you mourning me at my funeral. I cried the entire flight to Florida."

Serena's eyes begin to well up in tears and she shakes her head slowly. "Y-you were there…at the funeral…K-Kim and Alex thought they saw you, but all of us just dismissed it as grief…"

_**Flashback **_

_ Alex approaches Kim with her arms wrapped tightly around her self in her own personal comforting embrace. The visible shivers that surge through her body cause the brunette to look at her wearily. _

_ "You cold?" Kim asks, nodding at how Alex is obviously shivering. _

_ "Yeah, though something tells me it's from the cold spite radiating off of Abbie's mother, Julie, instead of the temperatures out here." Alex mutters in response as she nods a distance away to where Abbie's mom seems to be chewing out Serena for some unknown reason. "I swear, after a two minute long conversation with that woman, I would officially lose my title as the 'Ice Queen'. You know she called me a spoiled brat?" _

_ Kim snorts and chuckles quietly before shaking her head. "You might be spoiled sometimes, and you definitely are a brat sometimes, but you're never both at the same time." She jokes, trying to lighten the atmosphere a little. "You know, isn't this a little ironic? Abbie hated the snow. She hated the cold in general but I guess that's what being from the south does to you. But there she was, this woman who hated the snow and here it is, snowing on the day of her funeral." She continues on, pausing when she sees Alex not listening to her and focusing intently on something in the distance. "What?" _

_ Alex nods her head in the direction she's been staring and narrows her eyes as if it'll make her see better. "That woman…she looks a lot like Abbie, and I mean, A LOT." She explains as she continues to zero in on a lean woman with dark wavy hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. She's wearing a pair of dark sunglasses, despite the overcastted skies due to the rapidly approaching winter weather, a long black winter coat, and a black scarf wrapped around the lower half of her face to help conceal her identity. She's also standing away from the quietly mingling crowd, excluding her self from all of the social activities going on as she seems to be staring intently at the casket. _

_ "Oh my god you're right. I mean, she probably is family or something, but she really does look a lot like Abbie." Kim agrees as she and her blonde comrade are now both visually analyzing the mysterious dark stranger. _

_ "Come on." Alex murmurs as she begins to lead their way through the crowd of people towards the isolated woman. Many people get in the way on their way over there, and Alex continues to mutter a quick 'excuse me' as she gently pushes her way through the crowd. For a moment, Alex sees the woman's head turned towards her, her gaze lingering on the two of them behind her dark reflective shades. Alex holds a relative gaze with the woman for a brief moment before a man passes in between their line of vision. Once the man has successfully moved out of the way, Alex now finds the spot where the woman was standing completely vacant. _

_ Kim and Alex reach the tree where the woman was standing and look around, finding absolutely no trace of her, or even anyone that looks like her. _

_ "She was right here wasn't she? I mean, she's gone now, but I swear she was standing right here next to this tree." Alex exclaims as she spins around repeatedly. _

_ Kim looks down and is about to say something about boot prints when a large gust of wind comes barreling through, succeeding in blowing around the snow and covering the prints. "Maybe we're seeing things Alex. Maybe we really wish that what we saw was Abbie, but it was probably just some family member of hers. I mean, you heard Liv; she was there holding Abbie's hand until the moment she died. I think we want to see her because we just can't grasp the fact that she really is gone." _

_ "You're right." Alex agrees as she hangs her head and nods slowly. She looks up just in time to see Julie Carmichael storming angrily away from a sobbing Serena who is tightly wrapped in Casey's arms. "Come on, Serena really needs us right now. We need each other." _

_**End Flashback **_

"I freaked out when I saw Alex and she saw me. I can tell that she didn't believe it was me, but you know how she is. When she and Kim made the spontaneous decision to try and play detective, I knew it was my time to go." Abbie explains as she shakes her head. "I-I couldn't stand to see you crying anymore. When I saw my mother saying horrible things to you, I wanted to go over and defend you and wrap you in my arms, but I knew I couldn't."

"No, you could have, you just didn't want to." Serena states firmly, her voice going cold all of a sudden. "In fact, you could have told me you were leaving, you just chose not to. Your mother thinks you're dead! Julie thinks that she's buried her only child. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for her thinking that she's outlived her only child! You could have at least told her! And what about me!? Three and a half years Abigail, I've mourned you for three and a half years! I constantly had nightmares of your death, and dreams of you still being here! While I'm sitting here home alone with a broken heart, and raising a child BY MYSELF, you're all the way in fucking Florida. And I have no fucking knowledge of this because you didn't even have the decency to ATTEMPT to tell me that you're alive! You stood there, at your own damn funeral, and you WATCHED, Abigail, that's all you did, was you WATCHED."

Abbie moves forward and tries to place her hands on Serena's shoulders but winces when the blonde flinches away from her touch. "Serena, please, I-I wanted to tell you, and every day it killed me that I didn't. Please…I-I never stopped loving you and I'm so sorry."

Serena's eyes harden in anger and she forcefully shoves Abbie away creating an even more emotional and physical distance between the two of them. "If you fucking loved me like you said you did, you would have fucking told me that you weren't dead instead of putting me through this emotional hell. All of that right there explains how much you 'love' me!" she screams probably a little louder than intended.

"Serena, are you alright? Who are you talking to?" Olivia asks worriedly as she makes her way down the stairs freshly showered in a t-shirt and form fitting jeans. She fully steps into the living room where her eyes widen and her mouth falls open. "W-what's going on?"

"Abigail was just demonstrating her Oscar award winning performance on how she put everyone through hell and faked her death." Serena says coldly not taking her eyes off of the woman in question.

Abbie groans and drags her fingers through her hair. "Come on Serena, that's hardly even fair. I was NOT going to put you in danger. I was only protecting you."

"Good job of that you did by breaking my heart in the process." Serena replies darkly with a humorless snort for a little bit of added sting.

"Mommy?" Sierra's tiny quiet voice breaks the intense silent as the little girl shyly wanders her way into the living room. She catches the gaze of the tall stranger and she shyly hides behind her mother's leg.

Abbie stares down at the little blonde girl who could pretty much be Serena's little twin. Her gaze then flickers back to Serena who is still glaring daggers at her. "Is that…?" she asks quietly, looking back down at the little girl.

Serena's glare softens a little before she nods her head slowly. She looks down when Sierra clutches her pants leg tighter. "It's okay sweetheart, you don't have to be shy." She coos quietly.

Sierra reluctantly lets go of her mother's pajama pants and slowly steps out from behind her to begin slowly approaching the strange woman. A little part of her feels like she's seen this woman before, but her four year old mind is preventing her from putting two and two together. "Hi…" she greets in a small, timid little voice.

"Hi there," Abbie replies sweetly as she gets down on one knee to the little girl's height level. "What's your name?"

"My name is Sierra Southerlyn, and I'm four years old." Sierra replies remembering the manners that her mother taught her.

"That's a really pretty name. My name's Abbie," the brunette replies, extending her hand towards the tiny blonde. She smiles warmly when Sierra takes her hand and shakes it. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

Serena can't watch anymore and she takes a deep breath before she shakes her head and turns to Olivia. "Liv, can you take Cece back to her room please?"

Olivia blinks a few times and shakes her head to bring her self out of her daze of seeing her best friend alive and well. "Yeah, sure." She agrees as she picks up Sierra and begins making her way back up the stares. "Let's get you ready for the day huh?"

Abbie's gaze follows the two up the stairs until they disappear and she finally turns her head back towards Serena. "She's beautiful." She says quietly as tears begin to form in her eyes.

"I want you out of here." Serena says flatly although it's not as confident as she had intended it to be. "I want you out of here and I don't want to see you again."

"What? Serena, that's my daughter too, you-you can't keep me out of her life." Abbie explains, shaking her head at how cold Serena is being.

"You weren't here to sign her birth certificate, and we may have used your egg too, but damn it Abbie, you weren't here. I've been raising her by my self. She isn't your daughter, she isn't our daughter; she's mine. Your name isn't on her birth certificate; mine is. Sierra is my daughter, and you're four years too late. You obviously never loved me like you said you did, and now it's all showing. Do what I said before, and get the hell out." and with that, Serena storms from the living room and bolts up the stairs.

Abbie opens her mouth and starts to go after the upset blonde, but stops when she feels a hand firmly pushing on her shoulder. In her focus on Serena, she hadn't even noticed Olivia reentering the living room.

"Liv, move, I-I have to go after her. I need to talk to her." Abbie pleads, trying in vain to move past the stealthy detective.

"No, what you need to do is do what she said, and leave." Olivia replies firmly, her tone letting the former attorney know that she means business. "You are the last person that she needs to see right now, and I'm not going to stand here and continue to let your presence break her heart. Do what she says, and get out."

Abbie wants to argue, but she knows that between Olivia and Serena, there is only so far that she would be able to get. Also, the last thing she wants to do is cause some sort of disruption with Sierra in the house; she's already disrupted enough.

"Fine," Abbie says in quiet but defeated tone. She shoves her hands in her pockets and says nothing as Olivia sees her to the door. Maybe coming here first wasn't such a good idea.

**Meanwhile… **

"Casey, how are we feeling today?" Doctor Sandra Norris asks sweetly as she takes note of the antsy redhead sitting on the couch in her office. "Are we ready to talk today?"

Casey nervously looks around the room before her eyes land on the smiling daughter. "I-I guess."

_'Good, progress.' _Doctor Norris thinks to her self as she keeps up her warm, welcoming smile. "Well good, I know in the past two months that it's been hard for you to open up to me, but as I predicted, as your rehabilitation progress, things will become a little easier. So tell me how you're feeling today? You look nervous."

"I-I am…a little…I didn't think it'd be this hard to just quit…you know…" Casey trails off, averting her gaze to her hands. "T-this is the longest I've gone with out in years. I guess I j-just don't k-know how to cope just yet."

"And that's perfectly normal. Well, now that I've got us to the talking point. Tell me about how your life was at home. Tell me why you started drinking."

"I-I started drinking a little after my best friend died. She was murdered, and after she died, I just lost all control. One drink wasn't enough, two didn't help me forget, and it progressed until I just felt numb. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I became immune to drinking, but I'd get angry all the time at little things. My fiancée…I would yell at her at little things that weren't even her fault. I was just so angry almost all the time. I didn't realize I was hurting her but I was. She was so afraid of me, but I was always too drunk to see it. She ran away from me on the day of our wedding, and I became so angry with her that I couldn't see straight. The next time that she approached me, I was so drunk and so angry, I-I hit her. I didn't even remember it until she called Jennifer and made her come and straighten me out. I-I didn't mean to hit Alex, I didn't...she's so afraid of me, and I just don't want to live like that any more. I can't do it. That's when I realized that I needed help; that I needed to come get cleaned. I'm just…I'm so scared that I can't be fixed. I mean…I feel so shaky with out alcohol…maybe I'm just a lost cause."

Doctor Norris scoots towards the edge of her chair and shakes her head in the negative. "There are no lost causes, honey. Everyone can break a habit, and that's why you're here. Breaking that habit will make you a better person than you were when you came in here. As for how you're feeling, that's normal. You have become so dependant on alcohol, your body is struggling to figure out what to do with out it. But as I stated before with your talking, that is only something that will change in time. I just need you to put your trust in me that I will help you. Don't just think of it as helping your self, but think of it as helping Alex as well."

Casey shakily nods her head and stares down to where she is twiddling her thumbs. That's all she wants right now. All she wants is to help Alex, and nothing more. She just prays that Alex still has the patience to continue to wait for her.

**Oh DAMN, and you guys were worried about AMANDA coming back! I'm gonna be honest, that was BY FAR, the biggest secret I have ever written in any of my stories. Serena was a little harsh wasn't she? But who wouldn't be? She was hurting! Anyhow, leave your feedback!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Tear jerking warning! Okay well…you might not cry, but I did. Heck, some of you might, some of you might not. Just depends on your different levels of sympathy I guess. Anyway, happy readings! **

_**Chapter 13 **_

"I-I just can't believe any of this…" Alex stutters out as she continues to shake her head. She folds her arms tighter and takes in a shuttering deep breath. "I just can't…"

Abbie doesn't look up from where her head is rested in her hands. "Well believe it, because that's what happened. I wish I could take it back Alex, I wish I could take it all back."

Alex is startled from her musings by a knocking at her front door. She sighs before she moves from the kitchen to answer the door leaving Abbie alone to tend to her own thoughts.

"What'd you call me here for that's an emergency?" Kim's voice rings through the apartment as she follows Alex into the kitchen. She freezes in her tracks and her jaw practically hits the floor. "Well I'll be damned…"

"Do you believe in ghosts, Greyleck?" Abbie questions dryly yet smugly as she still doesn't look up from where her head is still in her hands.

"And if I told you I did?" Kim retorts, her tone of voice growing in confusion as she turns towards Alex looking for answers. "What the hell is going on?"

Alex folds her arms tightly once again and gracefully moves towards the kitchen table where she takes a seat. "Tell her Abbie. Tell her what you told me."

Abbie finally looks up and glances at Alex before turning in her seat to look at yet another woman who is probably going to hate her guts in a few minutes. Nonetheless, she does have to explain, and she takes a deep breath before beginning. "The night I was shot, I didn't…die, like everyone was led to believe. I did stop breathing, but the next thing I'm aware of is I'm coming to in a hospital bed being told that I'm recovering from a GSW to the chest. Then I'm being briefed by U.S. Marshal's and they're telling me that I'm going into fucking witness protection because two of the guys escaped custody and were making threats against my life. I didn't want to go, but with them, it's not like I was even given a choice. The closet they let me be to anyone was going to my own funeral before I was whisked away off to Florida."

Kim frowns and glances at Alex before glaring hard at Abbie. "You went to your own funeral?!" she exclaims before regaining her composure. "Oh my god, that was you we saw, wasn't it?"

"I-I couldn't let anyone see me. I was lucky that they even let me attend the funeral. I wanted to tell you guys what was going on, I really did. But I wasn't given a choi-"

"Stop." Alex says firmly, interrupting Abbie's explanation before she can finish. "Don't even try to explain to ME of all people that you couldn't tell ANYONE what was going on. You're forgetting who was shot by a fucking drug cartel, and then ripped away from her own life. But you know what? I wasn't given the choice either, but I found away to let Serena and Casey know what was happening. It was their own decision to break protocol and tell the rest of you that I wasn't dead. But I let the two people that mean the most to me know what was happening because I refuse to be away and let them grieve over someone who isn't dead. And I wasn't even given the opportunity to attend my funeral. You had an opportunity that I did not, and you could have at least told your grieving pregnant girlfriend what was happening instead of standing there like the fucking little coward that you were and watching her cry her eyes out. You have no idea what you put her through…what you put everyone through."

Abbie winces and ducks her head shamefully as Alex's words hit her hard. "I-I can't do anything but apologize…." She mumbles quietly before continuing on. "Where's Casey?"

Alex narrows her eyes and folds her arms tightly before leaning back in her chair and pursing her lips into the thinnest of little lines that almost make her lips disappear. She removes her glasses and forcefully slams them on the table before she turns her head to intensely stare off in a different direction.

There is heavy and intense silence before Kim clears her throat and takes a seat at the kitchen table with the other two silent women. "Casey is away at rehab…" she explains quietly, her voice void of the coldness that Alex's is full of. She feels like that the blonde makes up for enough of the anger between the two of them.

Abbie's head snaps up and she fixes Kim with a shocked yet confused stare. "R-rehab? What? Why? I-I don't understand…"

Before Kim can even think about opening her mouth to explain further, Alex quickly shoots out of her chair and points a firm finger at Abbie while her steely blue eyes hold an angry and hateful hue. "Because of YOU; that's why Abigail. After you supposedly died and were too inconsiderate to tell anyone, Casey grieved for you so hard that she developed an alcohol problem. Because of your 'death' Casey felt like the only way that she could function was drink her self stupid in any hour of any day. It was so bad to the point that one day I thought she was going to kill her self because of it! We were supposed to get married, but I was too afraid to marry her because of her alcohol problem. You know one day she became so drunk that she hit me?! I had to go to lengths to call her fucking ex girlfriend for help because I was so damn desperate for help. Now she's at a fucking rehab center for her alcoholism because she couldn't function like a normal person anymore! And all of this is because you were too much of a fucking coward to say anything! She was your best friend, and you couldn't even do the noble thing, the HUMAN thing, and let her know what was happening, when you knew DAMN well what it was going to do to her!"

"I-I'm sorry; I didn't know!" Abbie stutters out as she is unable to withhold her own tears anymore.

"Well a whole lot of good your fucking sorry is going to do now is it?! You have no idea how much hell you put everyone through!" Alex shouts, her anger beginning to increase by the second.

Kim stands from her chair and places her hands on Alex's shoulders, backing the blonde up a few feet. "Alex, you need to calm down."

"No, I will NOT calm down! She has no idea how much shit that everyone has been through because of her!" Alex screams, shoving Kim away from her. "You know that Serena confided in me that about two months before Sierra was born that she had actually considered suicide!?" she exclaims, her hard gaze zeroing in on Abbie when she hears no response from either woman. "What the hell would you have done if she had fucking killed her self and her unborn child because of YOU. You took advantage of her, that's what you did. You have no idea how much she was in love with you! She was so fucking in love with you that she wanted to kill her self because you weren't here anymore! The fact that my best friend didn't want to live anymore because of someone who didn't even love her enough to tell her the truth makes me sick!"

Abbie feels her heart shatter into a million tiny pieces all over again. She had no idea that things were going to turn out to be this bad. "P-please! I'm sorry! I-I didn't know okay?! I just…I love her so much, and I didn't want her to get hurt."

"Yeah, a fine ass job of that you did." The blonde attorney snorts mirthlessly.

"Alex, stop talking." Kim choruses, as she feels like that several bombs are about to drop because of Alex's anger at the moment.

"No I will NOT stop talking!" Alex shouts once again. "You do not just get to come back and think that everything is going to be fucking fine, Abbie, it does NOT work like that. You don't get to screw everyone over and then think that your life is going to be picture perfect when you come back. Everyone thought you were dead for fucks sake! You know who you haven't even thought to ask about?! Do you know what all of this did to Amanda?! Do you know how traumatized she was after you so called 'died'?! She blamed her self for your death Abbie! Much like Casey and Serena did, but she had the weight of actually being there in that cellar with you on her shoulders! It got to the point where she couldn't even do her job anymore and it got too much for her, so she left. She couldn't even look any of us in the eye anymore because she felt like all of us were blaming her for your death! She just up and left! You know what? She didn't even tell Olivia she was leaving. Liv just went to her apartment one day and saw everything was packed. So no Abigail, not only did you ruin everyone as an individual, but you ruined couples as well. You ruined Liv's relationship with Amanda, you ruined my relationship with Casey, and you ruined your own fucking relationship with Serena. Hell, I'm sure if Kim had been in a relationship you would have found a way to ruin that as well. Now you think that it's okay to show up again and think everything is fine?! Well it's not! You picked a fine ass time to show up too! Serena is happy again, FINALLY. It's like you were waiting for her to be happy just to show up and break her heart all over again. Yeah a whole lot of good that all of your half assed apologies are going to do now. I'm not going to stand here and listen to you play victim when you could have told someone, ANYONE, the truth. If anything, you could have at least told Serena and Casey, seeing as they're supposed to mean the world to you right? Yeah, some best friend and lover YOU are. To be honest Abigail, I think you were better off being dead."

"Alex!" Kim hisses, internally shrinking when the blonde's killer gaze lands on her. "Please…stop shouting."

"Don't fucking tell me what to do Kimberly!" Alex continues to shout. She is hurting, angry, upset, pissed off, and she is damn well not going to be shy about hiding it either. "I will not listen to her pitiful sob story like I don't understand. At least I did the human thing and fucking told someone. Instead she just stood at HER OWN DAMN FUNERAL and watched everyone grieving for her." Alex pauses as she comes to a realization and her fiery stare shoots back to Abbie. "YOU SAW YOUR MOTHER THAT DAY DIDN'T YOU!? You stood there and watched her say those god awful horrible things to Serena! You know that's one of the things that made Serena want to kill her self? Because of everything that your mother ever told her. She stood there at your funeral and listened to your mother tell her that she was never good enough for you. Your mother told Serena that she was never good enough for you, that she didn't deserve you, that she didn't deserve for you to love her, that she wasn't welcome in your family and neither was her daughter. And do you know what Serena did? She stood there, and she ate it, because that was the day that she felt like your mother way absolutely right. That night, Serena came knocking on my door at two o clock in the morning, crying because she was afraid to fall asleep in her bed because you weren't there. I held her and let her cry for five hours, and I listened to her sob about how you were always too good for her, and that she let you down. She sobbed about how it's her fault that you were never going to see your daughter. Sure Julie came and apologized for all the things she said the day Sierra was born, but do you think that stopped it from hurting Serena any, did it?!"

It isn't until then that Abbie is fully aware of the tears that are now constantly and freely flowing from her eyes. She feels like Alex has literally stuck her hand into her chest and is literally painfully squeezing her heart with every word that she speaks. "Alex please, I-I don't know what I can do! I-I have nothing Alex! I have nothing! I don't have a job, I don't have a place to stay; I don't have anything! I don't have a life anymore! When you came back, you had Casey to come home to. Everyone hates me and I don't have anyone anymore!"

"Well whose fault is that?" Alex replies spitefully before she spins on her heel and storms out of the kitchen, leaving the rhetorical question lingering heavily in the air.

Kim starts after the angry blonde before she stops and turns back towards Abbie. Honestly, she can't lie and say that she wasn't thinking everything that Alex had just thrown out into the open; she just wasn't going to vocally express it out loud if she wasn't pushed into doing so.

"You should go. You've worn out your welcome here for right now. See yourself out." Kim says quietly before she leaves the kitchen and hopefully go be able to talk some rationality into Alex.

Abbie stands stationary for a moment before she does as she's told yet again and sees her self out. As she makes her way out of Alex's apartment complex, she wraps her coat tighter around her self in an attempt to keep warm against the harsh winters of New York.

She wanders the streets aimlessly as she comes to the realization that she really has no idea what she's going to do for anything. Her mother hasn't answered her calls, and Abbie knows for a fact that she doesn't have the money to catch a flight to Texas, but even if she did, what would she do then?

After walking for maybe a half hour, Abbie finds her self wandering central park as she still tries to figure out what to do with her self. As she passes one of the many playgrounds in the park, she catches sight of Serena and Olivia taking turns in pushing a giggling Sierra on one of the swings.

Abbie ducks behind a tree to keep from being seen as she continues to watch silently. She can't help but notice how happy the threesome looks, and judging by the wide smile on Serena's face, she knows it's not being faked.

Her heart clenches when she sees Serena drape her arms over Olivia's shoulders before leaning in to give the detective a warm, loving kiss that clearly exceeds the boundaries of 'friends only'. She watches as Liv returns the kiss with equal pleasure before they separate, and she leans down to capture an active Sierra in her arms, tickling her into giggling even more before placing the little girl on her shoulders; all the while Serena is watching the two with admiration.

Abbie's heart contracts painfully yet again as she realizes that he threesome looks like the perfect ideal and happy family. In fact, it's almost as if she isn't even in the picture, and judging by their smiles, she knows that Serena isn't going to adhere to her wishes about being apart of Sierra's life; not when she's moved on, and she's this happy with Olivia.

Sighing to her self, the ex attorney leaves the seen as she feels like her heart isn't going to allow her to watch anymore. She can't bear to stand on the other side of a tree and watch what is supposed to be her life and her happy family.

Abbie walks a little while further until she comes to a vacant area of the park. She takes a seat on an old bench, and lies down on it, tucking her hands underneath her head. She has practically has no money, no place to go, no job, no car, no friends, and the love of her life can't even stand to look at her. Hell, she doesn't even have a fucking cell phone!

As she lie there on that bench, trying not to look as needy as she feels, she begins to mentally weigh out all of her options. First she tries to figure out where she can stay, but at the moment, there isn't a person who can even stand to look at her, let alone let her into their home; so right now this bench is going to have to suffice.

Then there's the fact that she needs money, which goes to the fact that she needs a job. Sure she's still a skilled lawyer with a degree and a license, but is there any possible way that she could even show her face in the DA's office again? And that idea in it self leads back to the fact that she doesn't have any friends anymore, so who would she be able to work with?

There has never been a moment in her life where she has felt so fucking pathetic like right now. Hell, she doesn't even have a car to sleep in, and here she is, sobbing quietly alone in the park on an old wooden bench. Never in her life has she felt like she has literally lost everything.

Until now.

**Oh man, Alex was PISSED! Damn, when Cabot lets you have it, she REALLY lets you have it. Anyway, like I said, it was a little sad for me towards the end there. Leave your feedback!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I fast forwarded again in this chapter, simply because I was dying with out Casey in the story. Anyhow, hope you enjoy ;) **

_**Chapter 14 **_

Casey takes several cleansing deep breaths as she makes her way towards the black SUV that's waiting for her. She opens the back door and dumps her bag into the backseat before she makes her way around and climbs into the passenger seat.

"Hey, how do you feel? You look great." JJ greets with a sincere smile.

"Thanks, I feel great." Casey responds as she buckles her self in to the seat. She heaves a refreshing sigh and relaxes back against the seat. "I don't think I've felt like this in such a long time, I hardly even remember how good it felt. I feel like I've taken off a pair of greasily foggy lens glasses or something."

JJ chuckles as she pulls the vehicle away from the curb and back out on to the street. "That's really great Casey. Sandra said that you made some amazing progress. How was it?"

"To be honest, when you first brought me here, I really didn't want to go. I had a hard time grasping the fact that I was going to have to talk to a total stranger about my problems and everything that was going on. Honestly, I think I was a little scared to. I didn't know what was planned for me, and I didn't know what they were going to do to me for lack of a better term. Like I said, I just wasn't ready to open up to one total stranger, let alone a whole group of them. But as time progressed, it got easier to talk about things. I met a lot of really amazing people that were just like me, and they had the same problems that I did. It was truly amazing to hear everyone else's story." Casey pauses as she takes a small sigh once again. "It was nice to know that I wasn't alone."

"That's awesome. So, even through that you're out of the rehab center, I still want for you to continue to attend AA meetings." JJ states after they had fallen into a small silence. "I really think they're helping a lot more than they seem, and they'll continue to do you some good if you keep going. I'm not going to force you into going because it truly is your decision, but I personally think that they'll be beneficial."

Casey looks down at her hands and slowly nods her head. "Y-yeah, you're right. They really were helping. I'll keep going. So, you've been keeping tabs on Alex right? How is she?"

A wide smile spreads across the agent's face and she glances at Casey briefly before turning back to the road. "She's been missing you, I'll tell you that much. I've been keeping her in the loop on your progress but I didn't tell her I was bringing you home today. I was hoping that we could surprise her. She's really proud of you Case. I'm proud of you too."

"Thanks," Casey murmurs, blushing slightly at the complement.

"Oh, and I picked up what you said. They called me a little early and told me it was ready. I thought I'd bring it along so you could see it." JJ says as she opens the center console and pulls out a black velvet ring box before handing it over to Casey. "I didn't look at it incase you wanted to keep it private or something."

Casey grins broadly as she takes the ring box and opens it immediately. "Wow, with what the saleswoman told me, I thought it'd be forever before it was ready." She breathes as beams at the elegant diamond engagement ring. The ring is square cut and has several smaller diamonds encrusting the band around it. In all honesty, it's bigger than the last one, but she wanted to go all out this time.

"It's beautiful," JJ states as she catches sight of the ring reflecting off of the sunrays. "If you don't mind me asking…"

"Why did I order another engagement ring? I feel like for me, it'll symbolize a new start with Alex. I told my self that if I go and get cleaned and come back a new woman that I was going to propose to her again with an all new engagement ring. I know she said she forgave me and all that, but I guess for me it's symbolizing us starting over towards a new road in our relationship. As cheesy as that sounds, it's how I feel."

"That's not cheesy, it's beautiful." JJ responds sincerely.

Casey looks up from the ring and a small frown increases on her face. "Hey, I've never asked…how are things between you and Emily?"

JJ flinches a little and her grip on the steering wheel tightens briefly before relinquishing. "She's, ah, kicked me out of our house for the time being. It's a long story on what happened, but to shorten it, we had a disagreement on something which led to her taking my key and kicking me out. At work, we both still pretend like nothing has happened, but hey, that was part of the agreement for us being together; we couldn't let it get in the way of our jobs. Anyway, I'm giving her time to cool off about our argument. But before that, things were great."

"Gee, Jen, that sucks. I'm sorry." Casey sympathizes as she looks back down at the ring in her hangs. She winces a little when she begins to wonder if it was a little awkward for JJ to do her a favor and go pick up the engagement ring reserved for Alex. She hadn't thought about that at all when she had asked for the favor. "JJ, I'm not sure if I've ever flat out apologized for what happened between us all those years ago…"

"Casey, it really doesn't mean anything to me anymore." JJ speaks after a small moment of silence. "It was a very long time ago, and we've both grown since then. As I've said many times before, we were young and naïve. Neither of us was ready for marriage, and it was entirely my fault for wanting to rush things. Besides, think of it this way, if you had married me then you wouldn't have gotten the chance to be with such an amazing woman like Alex, and if you ask me, I would pick her over myself anytime. She's perfect for you and don't you ever forget that okay? Not a lot of people can find good women like her and you…you cherish the fact that she cares so much about you. Really, the two of you are perfect for each other."

"Thanks Jayje…that really does mean a lot coming from you." Casey responds quietly as she looks back down at the engagement ring to admire it once more. The perfect ring for the perfect woman; her soul mate.

The drive all the way home for Casey is shared with light banter and comfortable silences here and then. As they pull up in front of her complex, she notices that JJ has made no move to get out. "Do you want to come up for a minute? Alex won't mind I'm sure."

"Thank you, but I really should be heading back to DC." The blonde responds with a small shake of her head. "Besides, this is a moment that you and Alex need to share between just the two of you. I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Thanks again, Jennifer, for everything. I mean it. You really have helped me a lot, and words can't explain how grateful I am for it." the attorney says sincerely.

"Don't mention it. You're a friend Casey, and I do almost anything for my friends. You take care of yourself okay? And remember what I told you about those meetings."

"I will. Thanks again." Casey says as they share one last wave as she makes her way into her building. The elevator ride up to her shared apartment with Alex is nerve wracking and she finds her self pacing the small lift until there is the tell tale ding, signaling that she's reached her floor.

She steps off the elevator and slowly but steadily makes her way down the hall towards her apartment. Adjust the strap of her bag on her shoulder, she raises her hand and hesitates for a moment before she gently knocks on the door.

The next few seconds seem like hours to Casey, and her heart rate continues to steadily increase as she hears the locks turning on the other side of the door. Moments late, the door swings open to reveal a very agitated looking blonde, but soon, the expression melts away at seeing her guest.

"Oh my god, Casey?" Alex gasps as she stands stock still for a moment. She says nothing as she practically throws her self out of the apartment and wraps her arms tightly around her lover's neck. "Oh my god I missed you, so much! Jennifer didn't call and say that she was bringing you home today!"

"She wanted to surprise you." Casey says sweetly as she allows Alex to lead her into their home. She sets her bag down on the floor and wraps her arms tightly around Alex's waist. "I missed you so much Baby. Words can't even explain how much I missed you. There wasn't a second of any day that I didn't think about you."

Alex lets her head rest on Casey's shoulder and she inhales deeply, smiling when she is greeted with Casey's normal scent of lavender and citrus instead of the dreaded combination of many different alcohols. "Same here. I thought about you every single day. God, I missed you."

Casey pulls away slightly, and gazes into her favorite blue eyes for a moment before she dips her head and takes Alex's lips into a passionate kiss. The kiss is gentle but sweet, loving, and passionate all at the same time. It displays their rekindled love and need that they feel for one another.

Unfortunately, reality begins to hit once again and Alex finds her self reluctantly pulling away from the kiss. She gently combs her fingers through Casey's vibrant crimson hair and looks into confused green eyes. "Casey, Honey, I think that there's something you should know. A lot sort of went on while you were away. I think you might need to sit down."

Casey does as told and sits on the couch next to Alex, confusion still evident and clear in her facial expression. "What's going on, Lex, is something wrong? Are you hurt?"

"No, no, I'm not hurt…not physically anyway." Alex pauses and takes a much needed deep breath for courage. "Listen…while you were away, something happened. A-Abbie came back Casey."

"What do you mean 'Abbie came back'? Alex, I'm really not in the mood for jokes, please tell me what's going on."

"I am telling you what's going on. It's not a joke. She didn't die from her wounds the night she was shot. Much like what happened to me, she had to fake her death to the public and go into witness protection. She came back not too long ago, and told everyone what happened."

Casey scowls before leaning forward to rest her head in her hands. "Oh god, you've got to be kidding me. Why didn't she tell anyone?! You told people! Fuck! Where is she?"

Alex sits back into the sofa and folds her arms tightly. "Honestly, I don't know. Frankly, I've been too upset to care as is everyone else. But I don't think anyone knows where she is."

"Well she better hope that _I_ don't find where she is." Casey says darkly as she stands up from the sofa and begins to pace. "Because I just might kill her myself."

**Meanwhile… **

"Mommy, who was that lady." Sierra asks randomly as she unexpectedly climbs into her mother's lap.

Serena tilts her head and shakes her head as she ruffles her daughter's hair. "What lady sweetheart? I'm afraid I don't know who you're talking about."

"That one lady that I meeted." Sierra exclaims as her face scrunches up into adorable concentration. "A…Abbie? Who was she Mommy? How come I haven't seen her again?"

The blonde attorney pales a little before she breaks eye contact with the little girl. "She was just a friend sweetie, and she's very busy all the time."

"She looks like Momma…" Sierra says quietly as she begins toying with the necklace that Olivia had given Serena as a 'just because' present. "Did she know Momma?"

Serena closes her eyes and stands up from the sofa, taking Sierra with her. She refuses to lie to her daughter, but that does not mean that she has to answer any of her questions right now. "I think it's time for your nap sweetheart." she says shakily as she walks up the stairs and into Sierra's bedroom. She places the four year old in her bed and tucks her in before leaning down to kiss her forehead. "You're tired. Go to sleep baby."

Sierra wants to argue but a yawn over takes and she finds herself snuggling down under the blankets, quickly drifting off to sleep. Maybe she is a lot more tired than she thought she was.

With a sigh, she makes her way back down stairs into the living room and over to the sofa where Olivia is now seated. She says nothing as she plops down on the couch and instantly curls in to the detective's embrace.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Olivia asks worriedly as she takes note of the mood radiating off of Serena.

"I don't know." Serena responds quietly as she shakes her head. "Cece just asked me about Abbie. She asked me if Abbie knew her 'Momma'. I-I didn't know what to say Liv, so I just went and put her to bed. I don't know what I'm supposed to say to her."

"What do you want to say?"

"Honestly? Nothing. She's so young; I don't want to confuse her. I just feel like Abbie has given up her parental rights when she decided that she was going to lie to me. I don't want to bring her into Sierra's life; it'll just cause more confusion, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone." Serena pauses as she sighs heavily. "Liv, what am I to you?"

The brunette's brow furrows and she shakes her head. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what am I to you? Who am I? What am I?" the attorney repeats.

Olivia shifts on the couch to where she is looking Serena dead in the eyes. "You are an amazingly beautiful woman who has been hurt too many times. You're beautiful, talented, intelligent, and honestly, people take you for granted. But I'm not." she pauses as she places her fingers under the blonde's chin. "You're my girlfriend, and I love you."

Serena feels the familiar feeling of all of the oxygen in the room being sucked away from her; she just hopes that she doesn't look like a deer caught in the headlights. It isn't the 'girlfriend' part that has stunned her; it's the three little words that followed them.

_"I love you." _

The words ring through her mind like thousands of bells going off at once, making it seemingly impossible to come up with a decent and coherent thought.

_"I love you." _

It's all too much for her at the moment and she feels like time has literally started moving in slow motion. Everything has slowed down and nothing and everything is moving all at the same time.

_"I love you." _

Serena realizes that she's probably taken far too long from becoming lost in her own thoughts. Instead of responding, she leans up and captures Olivia's lips with her own in a kiss that leaves absolutely no room for conversation.

The kiss deepens and any thought of conversation has flown out the window. Good, because that's the last thing that Serena needs right now; conversation. Especially after those words had been spoken to her.

_"I love you." _

**Later That Night **

Elizabeth Donnelley is seated at one of her favorite diner's to catch up on some personal 'me' time away from the playground that she considers the district attorney's office. In all honesty, some time's she swears that she's running a preschool instead of an office with the amount of whining that she receives from her assistant DA's daily.

And you better believe her when she says that some whine a hell of a lot more than others; specifically those in the Homicide Unit and the Special Victims Unit. Between Novak and Cabot, and Greyleck and Southerlyn, Liz knows for a fact that she does not have enough _cheese_ to go with all of their _whine_.

With a quiet reliving sigh, the DA takes a sip of her glass of water as she continues to gaze at her menu wondering just how she's going to celebrate her night off. Whatever her meal is, she knows that she's going to conclude it with something deep friend and smothered in chocolate if she can help it.

"Can I take your order, ma'am?"

Liz frowns deeply upon hearing the question. That voice…she knows that voice anywhere. Hell, she's worked with that voice long enough to know just how it sounds no matter what mood it's in, and she detects that it's not in a good one.

Risking the peak over her menu, Liz puts down the menu and her mouth falls open as she sees none other the supposedly dead Abbie Carmichael standing above her table in a waitress' uniform with a notepad poised in her hand ready to write down the order.

"Abigail?" The DA speaks quietly as if to say that if she raises her voice even the slightest notch, that this will all go away.

Abbie looks up from her note pad and all of the color drains from her face when she sees her former boss staring back at her. She then immediately blushes furiously at being caught like this by someone she knows. "U-uh, I-I'll see if I can find s-someone else to take your order ma'am." She stutters out before turning on her heel to make a quick exit.

"Abigail, don't you run from me." Liz speaks firmly as she stands up from her booth. You come back here right now, and sit."

Abbie flinches at hearing the tone of Liz's words. _'Some things never change.'_ She thinks to her self as she finds her self complying with the DA's wishes and making her way back towards the table. She takes a seat in the booth opposite of Liz and then proceeds to stare at her hands, saying nothing.

Liz's gaze softens immediately as she sits back down as well and gazes upon her former attorney with shock. "Well, I can't say that I'm not surprised. Would I be correct in going out on the wild guess here and saying witness protection?"

Abbie slowly nods her head and still says nothing for she is still very ashamed by her current situation. Oh well, at least its Liz and not Alex who probably would have laughed at her in her face.

"What are you doing working in a diner?" Liz questions curiously.

"Because I need money, which means that I need a job." Abbie responds flatly as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "When I came back Liz, I literally had nothing. And I still don't. I need a way to make ends meet."

Liz frowns and shakes her head signaling her confusion. "I don't understand. You still have your degree and your license. Why are you not practicing law?"

"Because, you know around here that there is no law office of any kind that takes walk ins. You of all people know that they don't put out help wanted sings."

"Then why not come back to the DA's office? You know for a fact that I would have reinstated you."

The dark haired woman sighs and shakes her head before resting it in her hands. "It's not that easy Liz. I-I can't show my face in that office. I can't go back there expecting everything to be back to normal when everyone feels the way they do about me. I just…I can't do it."

Liz purses her lips and leans back into the booth. "I don't understand, but I suppose that I'm not meant to. Do you have some place to stay?"

"Yes," Abbie lies quickly making sure her tone sounds believable as she comes up with a story. "My mother moved up here not too long ago. I've been staying with her." she concludes, knowing full well that her mother hasn't even picked up any of her phone calls.

"Very well." Liz states with a nod as her face shows sincere worry. "Just know that you are welcome back at the office any time. Aside from work, have you been back long enough to see your daughter? She's a really beautiful little girl."

Abbie winces and hangs her head sadly. "You mean Serena's daughter? Yeah, she's really beautiful."

"I'm afraid I don't understand once again."

"Serena made it clear that she doesn't want me to be apart of Sierra's life. She says that I don't deserve to be in her child's life, and just the fact that I'm here has everything all messed up. She told me that Sierra isn't my daughter, and basically implied that I have no business being there. Plus, Serena is seeing Olivia now, and the three of them seem so happy together. I don't want to be a home wrecker. It just hurts so much because that's supposed to be my little girl too, you know? I just want to be in her life, that's all. I want to be able to take her out for ice cream, or hold her when she's scared, or tell her bedtime stories. I want to know her favorite foods and her favorite colors and her favorite movies. I—I just want to be a mother to her. I already love her, you know? And I want to be in her life, but Serena doesn't want me anywhere near her. With everything that I've put Serena through, who am I to deny her any of those wishes? All I deserve to do is stand on the sidelines and watch her be happy from a distance. That's probably the closet to Sierra I'll ever be."

Liz realizes that this is the first time in a very long time that she's seeing Abbie shed tears over something. It's not just one tear either, it's several, but hell, who could blame her? She's being denied time to spend with a child that she loves so much.

"I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this right now." the DA says sincerely. "If you give Serena some time, I'm sure that she will come around."

"I doubt it." Abbie says wiping her eyes and shaking her head before standing up once again. "You never told me what you wanted to order…"

Liz looks down at the menu and rattles off her order in elegant precision. She looks back up with a warm smile on her face. "I'm serious Abigail. I really do hope and expect to see you back in the office some time soon. You don't belong here."

"Yeah, well according to several people who have turned their backs on me, I'm better off being dead."

**Gee this is getting kinda sad to write. But Casey's back! That's good right? Anyways, leave your feedback! **


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

Alex sighs exhaustedly as she walks in to her apartment after an exceptionally and unnecessarily long day at work. As soon as she walks through the foyer she can't help but notice how eerily quiet it is.

"Casey?" she calls out to her lover, frowning when she receives no response. She sits her things down near the coffee table and walks over towards the stairs. She freezes when she sees a small pile of rose petals at the bottom of the stairs, which turns into a path of petals leading up the stairs.

Alex continues to follow the trail of rose petals all the way up the stairs and down the hall which seems to be leading her in a path towards the bedroom. Pausing briefly, she hesitates for a moment before she opens the bedroom door and immediately she gasps at what she sees.

Their bedroom is decorated with dozens of lit candles that are strategically placed all over the room, illuminating the room in a romantic glow and an intoxicated scent of cinnamon. She notices the trail of petals leads directly towards their bed which is also decorated with now a variation of red and white rose petals.

Alex gasps quietly when she finally sees Casey kneeling on the other side of the room with a wide smile on her face. "Casey? What is all this?" she whispers quietly as she approaches the love of her life.

"This is me showing you how much I'm in love with you." Casey responds as she takes the blonde's hand in her own and places a warm, loving kiss on the back of it. "I love you more than I love life it self Alex. I love you more than the air I breathe and everything else I need necessary to survive. You are so much more important than any of those things because with out you, I may as well be dead. With out you, I'm just an empty shell that had absolutely no purpose of being on this earth any longer. I need you in order to survive. The mere thought of living my life with out you nearly kills me inside, and it kills me even more that I nearly drove you to the point of leaving me. There is this saying that says 'you don't know what you have until you lose it' but I was not going to let things get that far. I couldn't lose you. I still can't lose you. You're this amazing woman. You're beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, caring, determined, and that's jus to name a small few of all of your redeeming qualities. I almost took you for granted because I now realize that I am so lucky to have you in my life. I am so, so lucky that you love me when, I of all people, don't even deserve your love and affection. You could do so much better, and I think somewhere in your mind you know that you could do so much better, but you choose to ignore that section of your mind because you're still here loving me. I want nothing more than to be able to spend the rest of my life with you. Very few people believe in second chances, and even fewer of those people even get second chances. I am one of those people and I am determined not to mess any thing up this time. Alexandra Elizabeth Cabot, would you please grant me the greatest honor in the world, and become my wife?"

Alex gasps audibly this time as she sees Casey down on bended knees presenting her with a ring box. Inside that box is an even more extravagant than the engagement ring that she had received before hand. She is so transfixed by the affectionate gestures that she almost forgets that she needs to respond.

"O-oh my god," she croaks out as tears form in her eyes before she slowly nods her head. "Y-yes, of course I'll marry you Casey…"

Casey can't keep the grin off her face as she slips off Alex's old engagement ring and replaces it with the new one. She stands to her feet and gently places her hands on both of the blonde's hips before pulling her in for a soft passionate kiss to secure their engagement.

"I love you Casey," Alex chokes out as her emotions begin to get the better of her. "I love you so, so much. But why'd you buy me another ring? I-I don't understand."

"I wanted us to start over Baby. I wanted our engagement to define the new 'Me' which meant defining a new 'Us'. The only way that I felt we could really start over was if I gave you a better proposal, complete with a whole new ring." Casey explains with a smile as she wipes away Alex's tears with her thumbs. "I want us to do this right this time. You deserve the perfect wedding."

Alex grins before she leans in and captures her fiancée's lips once again. She brings her hands up to rest behind Casey's neck and she pulls her in closure, deepening the kiss. Everything seems to be happening in a blissfully intoxicating fast-slow motion.

The next thing that Alex is aware of this that they are on their rose petal covered bed with all of their clothes scatter haphazardly around the room and Casey's fingers are thrusting into her at a pleasurable pace.

It isn't like the time it was several months ago. It's not like she doesn't want it and she's going to have to fake another orgasm. No, this time is completely different. This time is full of passion and pleasure where all of their raw emotions are coming out to blend with one another. Their bodies move and meld together as one as they both begin to reach the top of the mountain of ecstasy.

Alex finds her self screaming out her fiancée's name as she begins to ride out her explosive orgasm. Even after she's reached the bottom from her high, Casey doesn't stop and she finds her self reaching her climax for a second time.

The rest of the night is spent much like that and it soon ends with the two of them lying in bed in a mess of tangled limbs and sweaty bodies. The only thing that can be heard in the dimly lit room is the sound of their commingling heartbeats and heavy breathing.

"You're perfect." Casey mumbles as she crawls up the length of her lover's body and gives her a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"I'm far from it sweetheart…" Alex murmurs in response as she seizes the moment to steal a quick kiss on the lips. "I promise you, I'm far from perfect, but you know what? No one is, but that's what makes us human."

**Later The Next Day **

"Alex, I have a problem." Serena says quietly as she and her best friend are out enjoying a refreshing midday lunch.

Alex frowns upon hearing Serena's tone of voice and she knows what ever said 'problem' is, it's got to be pretty serious. "What's up? Is it anything I can help with?"

Serena sighs and absentmindedly begins pushing her drink around on the coaster it's sitting on. "I don't know, maybe, maybe not. I'm just…so confused about it." she pauses as she realizes that she needs to explain further. "The other day, Olivia told me that she loved me. It was just liked a hint at it either, she actually looked at me and said 'I love you' and she looked like she really meant it too."

"…I don't understand the issue." Alex says blandly, doing her Kim impression after a moment of silence.

Serena can't help but giggle at her best friend's antics. "You know she's going to get you if she ever catches you doing that." she laughs.

"Has she caught me yet? No. Besides," Alex pauses as she sits up straight and puts on her best non expressive facial expression. "I think what we're discussing is completely irrelevant to the topic of interest." She states in the most monotone voice she can muster before snickering. "But seriously, I don't understand what's wrong with Liv telling you she loves you. I think it's sweet."

"I didn't say it back…" Serena says quietly.

"Oh…well…then that's a problem…" Alex states before she shakes her head as if to force her brain to come up with something coherent to say. "I'm sorry, that sounded stupid. Why didn't you say it back?"

Serena sighs and hangs her head sadly. "I—I couldn't say it back. It took me off guard; I didn't know what to say at the time. I mean…I hadn't expected and I guess I was just in shock. I tried to say it back, but it wouldn't come out."

"So what'd you do instead? You didn't just sit there did you?"

"No, uh, I kissed her and then we kinda had sex after that. "

Alex's face turns serious before she shakes her head. "Wow, Serena, really?"

"I didn't know what to do! I freaked, alright!?" Serena exclaims as she suddenly begins to put up her defenses. "Like I said, she took me off guard, and I had no idea what to do at the time! I couldn't say it back, and I just didn't want to talk about it, so I kissed her so we wouldn't have to talk about it."

"You do realize that you have yet to tell me why you quote unquote 'couldn't' say it back." Alex pauses taking a deep breath and praying that what she's about to say isn't going to get her murdered. "Does any of this happen to do with a certain 'dead' lover of yours?"

Serena's face contorts into a scowl and she immediately folds her arms defiantly. "Please explain to me why Abbie would have anything to do with this?"

"Well, you do still love her don't you? I mean, what if you and Olivia were using each other as rebounds but you didn't realize it? Think about it, if Abbie hadn't come back, would you have told Liv that you love her too?"

"I don't know Alex, maybe. I can't tell you because I'm not in that situation. I can't just make assumptions about my feelings. But it's just not fair that Abbie has to come and ruin things like this. I mean, Cece is asking questions about her and I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to say. What am I supposed to say?! She's four and she won't understand, and I don't want things to be even more ruined than they already are! God, I just…it just isn't fair how I'm on my way to being happy, and then Abbie shows up, and things are all fucked up again. Then the fact that she thinks that she deserves to be apart of Sierra's life; how is that even fair?! Let me tell you, it's not fair Alex, it's not!"

Alex sits back in her chair and shrugs. "I know it's not fair, and frankly, I don't even know why she even bothered to come back. I mean what; she honestly didn't expect you to sit around and not move on with your life, did she? We all thought she was dead! You're allowed to move on. You know Liz came up to me and told me she saw her working in a diner? I honestly would've killed to see that. Abbie doing manual labor? Oh yeah, I would've definitely killed to see that."

Serena chuckles lowly and goes back to fiddling with her drink coaster. "Right? Wonder where she went anyway."

"That's what I was gonna ask you. Liz told me Abbie said she was staying with her mother but that wouldn't make sense because isn't Julie in Texas right now?"

"Yeah, she is. Oh well, I'm sure Abbie has figured something out. It's her own fault that she doesn't have anything. As long as she doesn't come crying on my doorstep, I'm fine. She's already ruined enough of my life."

"But you still love her…" Alex continues, her words coming out more of a firm statement rather than a curious question.

Serena looks up and glares hard at Alex, but she still refrains from answering the question. Instead, she sits back in her chair, and turns her attention back to her drink, succeeding in putting an end to the conversation at hand.

**Meanwhile…**

Casey continues to listen to her favorite music as she takes a refreshing and much needed jog through the park. After proposing to Alex again she feels like a whole new person that has pretty much built a residence on cloud nine.

She continues to jog down her usual path when she realizes that she needs to stop and tie her shoe. Stopping, she bends down to take care of the problem, all the while making sure that she's out of the way of any of the other patrons in the park. As she finishes tying her shoe, she stands up to continue her jog but freezes when she sees a familiar person a few yards away sitting on a secluded bench in front of one of the playgrounds. "You have got to be kidding me."

Casey takes out her earphones as she makes her way over to the bench and pauses as she clearly recognizes it's lone occupant who is so transfixed by something on the playground, they have yet to notice her presence. "So, were you ever going to personally tell me you were back, or were you just going to let me go on thinking you were dead?"

Abbie's head snaps from the playground and she finds her self meeting gazes with the woman that she hopes she can still consider her best friend. "I—I thought that maybe you wouldn't want to see me." she says quietly looking down at her hands. "You were…away…when I came back, and with how everyone else acted around me, I just thought that you wouldn't want to see me."

"Why did you lie." Casey questions firmly, cutting to the chase immediately.

"I didn't want to. I wanted to tell you, but they wouldn't let me, and I'm not Alex. I can't just repeatedly manipulate the marshals into giving me what I wanted. I was lucky they even let me see any of you before I left." Abbie explains. "I never wanted anything like this to happen. I wanted to tell you, and I wanted to tell Serena but they wouldn't let me, and I didn't want any of you to get hurt."

Casey snorts mirthlessly and takes a seat on the bench. "Fine job of that you did." She murmurs. "Do you know where I was?"

Abbie hangs her head as she realizes Casey is probably about to let her have it just like Alex did. So much for having any friends anymore. "Alex told me. I—I'm so sorry that I'm the reason that you went through all that. If I had known I'd…I'm just so sorry. I didn't want things to turn out like this, and I should have realized that coming back wasn't going to help. I should've just stayed away."

For some reason, Casey doesn't feel as angry with this woman as she feels like she should be. She sighs quietly and shifts on the bench as she tries to change the subject. "You know, it's really weird for you to pick this bench out of all the benches in the park because it's in front of a playground. What're you doing sitting here?"

Instead of responding verbally, Abbie nods her head towards the playground to where she has been watching Olivia play with Sierra for probably the past ten minutes. She'd be lying if she said her heart wasn't breaking with each passing minute.

Casey nods her head and ahs quietly. "I see. Have you met her?"

"Yeah, I have, but Serena doesn't want me around. I guess this is all I really have so I'm not complaining." Abbie says before sighing. "She's so beautiful Case, look at her. I have nothing right not Casey. I'm working in a diner just to make sure I get by and because I feel like I can't go back to the DA's office. I'm okay with having nothing and no one as long as I could be a mother to my little girl. But I can't even have that. I don't even have the right to even call her my little girl."

"Abbie, I…I'm sorry, that…Serena shouldn't keep her away from you like that. It isn't fair."

"Because everything that I put her through was fair. She has every right to be upset with me, and she has every right to keep her child as far away from me as possible. I'm just thankful that I at least have the chance to see her like this even if Serena won't let me see her. Can you tell me about her Casey? Anything that you know? Like, what's her favorite color? Or what does she like to do for fun? Does she like watching movies or listening to stories? Hell, what is her middle name?"

Casey chuckles as she rests her hand on her best friend's shoulder. "Easy there. Ah, her favorite color is red, she really likes coloring a lot, I can't even begin to imagine how many pictures Alex, Kim, Serena and I have in our offices. She loves listening to stories and watching movies. And her middle name is Marie." She pauses as she realizes the extent of everything she's just told Abbie. "Now that I think about it, you like to do all of those things too. I guess she's more like you than any of us realize."

Abbie forces a small smile before ducking her head. "That's…that's amazing. Wow. I guess that's more than I had before right?"

"Yeah, I guess. Listen, where are you staying right now?"

"I've managed enough for a hotel room until I can by a small apartment or something. I don't know when that'll be though."

Casey takes a deep breath before standing up from the bench. "You? Hotel? No way. You're staying with me."

Abbie's eyes widen and she shakes her head. "Casey, I—I can't. Alex wouldn't want me there, and I'm not going to intrude. It's no big deal. I'm managing on my own."

"I wasn't asking a question, you're staying with me whether you like it or not. You're staying with me, and you're going back to work. And I mean where you're supposed to be working, not at some greasy diner that's invaded by truckers on a daily basis." Casey says firmly as she pulls Abbie off the bench.

_"Man, Alex is gonna kill me…But who am I to deny my best friend?" _

**Gee, Alex and Serena were being a tad bit icy. But, it's understandable…right? Leave your feedback!**

**Question: I've been meaning to ask this, but I kept forgetting. Out of ALL of the AC Stories I have written for you guys, which one is YOUR favorite? Let me know! **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I hate this chapter. I feel like I could've done better. Grrr, writer's problems. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy it despite the fact that I did not :) **

_**Chapter 16**_

"Babe, are you home?" Alex calls out as she enters her apartment. She makes her way through the foyer and freezes dead in her tracks when she sees Abbie sitting on her sofa. "Oh my god, what the hell are you doing here?"

Casey quickly steps between her seething fiancé and her best friend and places both hands on Alex's shoulders. "Hi Baby, how are you? Did you have a nice lunch with Serena?" she asks before leaning in for a kiss. "Listen, I can explain, but I want you to promise me that you aren't going to get mad, okay?"

"Too fucking late," Alex grits out before she shoves Casey aside, glaring hard at Abbie who is fearfully looking back at her. "Who the hell let you in here?!"

"I did." Casey says flatly, returning to her earlier position.

"What?"

"I did, I let her in. Alex, she needs help, and she's my best friend. I'm not going to turn her away."

Alex scoffs and folds her arms tightly. "Yeah, you're best friend who pushed you in to an addiction that all most killed you because she lied to everyone. Some best friend that is."

Casey sighs and takes both of the angry blonde's hands in her own. "C'mon sweetheart, just hear her out. She's been staying in a hotel and working in a diner, and she needs help; she needs friends Alex."

"It's her own fault that she doesn't have any of those things." Alex reiterates spitefully. "Honestly Casey, what has she done for any of us that hasn't caused any trouble?"

"What if it was Serena?"

"What?"

"What if it was Serena who was in this situation? What if she had no place to go, and pretty much nothing anymore? You wouldn't give up on her or turn your back on her because she is your best friend. You would do everything you can to help her." Casey pauses as she rests her forehead against her lover's. "I know you won't like it, but Alex please. Let's show some compassion. She needs help, and we're going to the selfless thing and help her."

As much as it is killing Alex to admit it she knows that Casey is right. She closes her eyes and counts to ten, relaxing when she feels a soft pair of lips being pressed against her own. Sighing, she returns the kiss for a brief moment before she breaks it and finds her self looking into begging emerald eyes. "You and those damn eyes." She giggles before stealing another quick kiss.

Alex moves away from Casey and makes her way over towards Abbie who seems to be slinking away from her on the sofa. "I'm not going to pretend to like this, but Casey does have a valid point. Despite the fact that you have hurt my best friend, I'm going to do the civil thing and allow you to stay here for however long that you need to. But all of this is under the assumption that you won't cause anymore trouble than you have already created. Do not take advantage of my gratitude." She warns firmly before she makes her way up the stairs.

Abbie stares tensely after her for a moment before locking gazes with Casey. "M-maybe this really wasn't the best of ideas. I should go." She says quietly, preparing to stand up from the couch but soon feels Casey's hand on her shoulder, firmly pushing her back into the cushions.

"You're not going anywhere. Honestly, she reacted a lot better than I thought she did. She didn't start yelling so that's always a good thing." Casey says before chuckling. "She didn't start yelling, and she didn't speak in that one voice that she reserves for defense attorneys. You didn't get either of those so that has to mean that she'll come around eventually. Alex is just really passionate about the things most important to her, and Serena just so happens to be one of those things. I can't really blame her, they've known each other since they were kids."

"I guess you're right. Now are you sure that you want me staying here? I can find some place else…"

"Abbie, I'm serious, I don't mind you staying here. I offered. Hell, honestly, I didn't even offer, I demanded. You're staying here. Now, let's talk about how you're going back to work."

Abbie winces and wraps her blanket tighter around her shoulders. "I don't know Case…I mean, think about it, there is one of two places that Liz would put me, and both of those places have people there who can't stand to look at me; one of which I just happened to be living with at the moment, and the other is denying me my own child. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not afraid because I'm terrified. I mean, what if I forgot what to do?"

Casey snorts humorously and shakes her head. "Abbie, you forget how to ride a bike and rollerblade. You don't exactly forget how to be a lawyer. You were a damn good lawyer, and you'll be a damn good one again."

"I—I guess I'm just worried people won't accept me."

"So? Damn everyone else if they don't accept you. You're there to do your job, and to help people like you love to do. You'll fall back into your old routine and you'll get your life back. Alex did, and you will too."

Abbie sighs and shakes her head as she hangs her head sadly. "Not all of my life back. I won't have Serena anymore."

"You still really love her don't you?" Casey asks curiously.

"Of course I still love her. She's the only woman to ever capture my heart the way she has. In the time that I was gone, I never even looked at another woman in anything other than a platonic way. I didn't date and I wasn't even intimate with anyone. I'll always be in love with Serena. I love her with my everything, and I can't stand to be so far away from her anymore. She defines the saying, 'love of my life' for me. But I feel like that ship has sailed and I shouldn't even dream about having another chance with her."

Alex sighs to her self and shakes her head as she catches the tail end of the conversation from where she is sorta kinda eavesdropping from her spot at the top of the stairs.

_'Why is everything so damn complicated?' _

**Meanwhile…**

"Serena, can I ask you something?" Olivia asks out of the blue, breaking the comfortable silence that she and the blonde were reveling in.

"Anything," Serena perks up, sitting up from where she was comfortably nestled into the detective's shoulder.

Olivia chews her lower lip for a moment before she averts her gaze to something else in the room. "I—I don't really know how to ask this but…how come you avoid the topic of 'us' whenever I tell you that I love you? Now that I think about it, you avoid the topic of 'us' almost all the time."

This is exactly the conversation that Serena does not want to have. Once again she feels like all the oxygen has left the room, and she is left alone gasping for air. She tries to move forward to kiss Olivia but recoils when the brunette moves away from her.

"See? You always do that." Olivia states as she puts a decent amount of distance between the two of them. "I bring this up, or I tell you that I love you, and then you don't say anything. You just kiss me, and we end up having sex or coming dangerously close to it. But you never respond with anything. Even the past few times we have had sex you haven't been into it like you were when we first started dating. Lately it's like…you'll pleasure me to the best of your abilities, but when it comes for me to make love to you, you claim to be tired, or it's like you're not even there. Have I been doing something wrong?"

Serena shakes her head and folds her arm as she looks anywhere other than the deep brown eyes that are looking upon her with concern. She hadn't realized she had been acting so strange in their relationship and she curses her self for letting it go on for as long as it has with out her noticing. "No…no you're not doing anything wrong. You've been amazing. I just…I don't know. I can't explain it, I just haven't been feeling like my self lately."

Olivia nods her head and is silent for a moment before she speaks quietly again. "The look that you give me whenever I tell you I love you…it's the same look that Amanda gave more all this time after she was abducted whenever I told her I loved her. I'd tell her that I loved her and she'd look at me like the words were foreign, and she'd never say them back. A month after she came back, she couldn't even look at me. Then it turned into she wouldn't let me touch her, then we weren't even sleeping in the same bed anymore. Eventually, she stopped staying over with me, she stopped calling, and we just lost all communication. Isn't that funny? We were in a relationship, but it's like we were strangers. I—I tried to surprise her one day by making dinner, and I kissed her. She freaked out and went and locked her self in her bedroom and cried for an hour, refusing to come out and talk to me. But that's how she looked at me, like you just did. Serena I—I care about you a lot, and I really do believe that I have fallen in love with you, but it's becoming clear to me that you can never feel the same way; especially with Abbie being back now. I just…I'm at that point where my heart can't play games like this."

"Are…are you leaving me?" Serena asks with wide eyes.

"I don't want to, honest I don't. But I've fallen in love with you, and I've fallen in love with your amazing little girl, but I can't…I can't become even more attached here, and then have you leave me. I need to know now Serena."

"I-I don't know, Liv, okay? I just don't know. I'm so confused, and I just…Olivia you're an amazing woman, and I do love you. But I don't think that I'm…in love with you." Serena says sadly before her voice trails off into a quiet whisper. "I'm not sure if I could ever be in love with you."

Olivia's head falls sadly before she nods slowly. "I understand. I guess some part of me knows that you're heart could never really belong to me." she says quietly before standing up, all the while refusing to make eye contact. "I think I should go."

Serena mentally curses in her head as she stands up as well. "Olivia, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I didn't think you'd…"

"Fall in love with you? Yeah, me neither, but it happened and it was something I didn't have control over. I'm sorry but…I really do think it's best if I go." She says quietly before departing.

Serena opens her mouth, wanting to call after the hurting woman but some unknown forces prevent her from doing so. Instead, she stands in the middle of her apartment for probably ten minutes before she forces her legs to move and go secure the door.

**My sister has been trying to convince me that Rizzoli and Isles is a conspiracy theory, and that the whole show is basically Abbie Carmichael and Caitlin Todd in witness protection…my sister, is also my residential idiot. Anyhow, I just thought I'd share that little fact. **

**I'm a little surprised that a lot of you guys like Secrets That We Keep. I think that is MY personal favorite story. I see that all of you like quote unquote 'manly' Alex and I must agree that it was very sexy. That's also when I introduced sassy OOC Kim Greyleck, but who doesn't love her? (in fanfiction?) . I do have a story that will definitely satisfy the need and demand for Dominant Alex, so look forward to that after this. **

**I WILL be finishing Missus and Mrs. C sometime as well, but that will be as soon as I figure out what the hell I'm going to do with it. If I finish this story before if figure it out, I'm moving on to my next idea, but I promise that I will come back to it as well as OTOS because those are such great stories. But as great stories as they are, I lose my muse on them so easily it's frustrating. But I digress. **

**I also see that the majority of you mentioned loving Stuck In The Middle, and I feel like that's because of that whole Alex/Casey/JJ storyline going on there. Do you guys like that love triangle concept or something? Because I was thinking about doing it again some time in the future. **

**A personal question; do any of you happen to think an Alex Cabot/Ziva David pairing would be SUPER SEXY? I mean…I'm not saying that I'm going to write that or anything and I can pretty much swear that no one has EVER written that cuz it might be viewed as weird, but damnit, I think it'd be hot. But maybe that's the, quote Tripperz, 'pervy in me' ;) **

**Anyhow, enough of my yapping so you guys can get down to that review button and leave your feedback! **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Okay, so in my defense, I DID say I was gonna finish this but I didn't say how…and I just want you guys to know that I love you all so, so, so much okay ;) happy readings….**

"Um, can I um…sit here?"

Serena keeps her eyes trained forward on the playground where she is watching her daughter play with other children. She sets her jaw and continues to keep her gaze on her child instead of the person that has disrupted her quiet afternoon.

Seeing that she isn't going to get a response, Abbie takes a quiet deep breath and sits on the bench next to the rigid blonde but scoots over so that they could probably fit at least three people in between them. She just wants to make sure Serena's comfortable.

"It's a nice day to be at the park isn't it?" Abbie inquires after a dreadfully long and awkward silence. "It's not too cold, the sun is out…it…doesn't look like rain or anything either."

Once again there is more silence as Serena continues to stare forward not even bothering to engage into any kind of small talk with the woman beside her. She's always been good at ignoring people. She considers it a gift.

"You know, I um…I read this article the other day, about some upgraded changes they plan on making to the park. You know, better playgrounds and picnic areas? I think that'd be really good considering…"

"Abbie, what the hell do you want?" Serena snaps, finally not able to take anymore of this.

Abbie's shoulders slump and she stares down at her nervously fiddling hands. "I—I'm not trying to bother you honest, I just…"

"Well you are." Serena snips bitterly as she finally tears her eyes away from the playground for a brief moment. "So tell me, what is it that you want?"

Instead of responding verbally, Abbie nods her head towards the playground where Sierra is playing a game of hide and seek with a few other children. When she sees Serena's line of vision, she takes it as an opportunity to speak. "Um, I...it's the only way I see her. Since I've been back, I've been spending a lot of time here; it helps me think and clear my head sometimes. I'd be walking around, and I'd see you or Liv playing with her at the playground sometimes. I guess I just started coming every day so there would be a chance I could see her."

Serena frowns and narrows her eyes before she glares hard at the dark haired woman. "Abbie, that's really creepy and borderline stalking."

"I didn't want it to look that way, honest. I just…I really wanted to see her Serena." Abbie explains quietly.

The blonde attorney is quiet for a tense moment before she sighs and tersely folds her arms. "I don't want her to see you." she mumbles before clearing her throat. "Maybe I'll just stop bringing her here."

"Serena, no! Please I—I never get to see her. This is the only time that I ever get to see her. Please don't take that away from me, please. Look, I have basically nothing already okay? That little girl, she's all I have left, and even there I can't…she doesn't even know who I am Serena."

"She doesn't NEED to know who you are Abbie! You left! You lied and you left. Why do I have to share the best thing that has ever happened to me with you? You who hurt me and put me through hell for all of Sierra's life? I've been alone with her Abbie, alone. I have been a mother by myself all because you lied to me and you left. You couldn't even tell me. You have no idea how heartbroken I was because you were dead Abbie. I-I felt like I couldn't go on any longer, and if it wasn't for Alex, I would have killed myself; all because I thought you were dead. Now I feel utterly stupid for even entertaining the thought because it would've been pointless to do something so stupid for someone who I don't even mean that much to."

Abbie's eyes widen and she turns on the bench where she shakes her head vigorously. "Serena, you mean the world to me and then some. That's why I didn't say anything because I thought I was protecting you. I would never be able to live with myself if I knew that you or Sierra got hurt because of me. I was running on instinct Serena and if I could take everything back I would. All I remember thinking was thinking about how I felt when I was down there in that cellar. Thinking about how I might never get to see you again if this man kills me or thinking that something could be happening to you and my unborn child all because I'm not there. I couldn't risk you getting hurt this time. Please, I know the last thing you want to do is forgive me and I can understand that. I'll never stop loving you even though I know there may not be a chance of us being together ever again. But please, I want to be in Sierra's life and if not, at least let me do what I've been doing and watch from over here."

Serena purses her lips into a thin line before she sighs and her face breaks. She leans forward on the bench and rests her head in her hands to keep her sobs from escaping her personal cocoon. "I just…my heart is all over the place right now Abbie, I don't know what I want anymore."

Abbie blinks in confusion for a moment before she finds her words to speak. "What about Liv? You two look really happy together."

"I think Olivia has given up on me, but I can't blame her." the blonde whimpers as she sits up to wipe her tears from her face. "She hasn't answered any of my phone calls and even when Cece got super sick a month and a half ago, I had to take her to the hospital at twelve in the morning and sit up with her in the ER well all into the morning as they tried to figure out what was wrong with her. I called Liv I don't know how many times seeing if she would come but I knew that it would be foolish thinking she would want to be around me, even if it were for Sierra's sake. I just…she fell in love with me Abbie and I broke her heart. I didn't mean to honest, I just…I broke her heart and I broke her heart because I'm still in love with you. I love her don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure if I could ever be…in love with her. Not the way that I fell in love with you. It's just…it's not the same. I feel like such a jerk."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say." Abbie says quietly. "What do you want me to say?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. I feel so horrible about what's happened, but at the same time, Olivia has ignored me like nobody's business. I can't get through to her at all. I've tried Kim, I've tried Casey, I've tried Alex. I just…I don't know what to do!" Serena sighs as she sits back on the bench. "Maybe all of this is happening for a reason. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do."

"You could let me love you again." Abbie says quietly and sincerely.

"How do I know you won't abandon me again? Maybe I'm like this because I do love you but I'm afraid to let my heart open again." Serena pauses before sighing yet again. "I don't know where to start."

"You could start there." Abbie replies as she looks towards the playground again. "You could let me in…"

Serena watches her daughter for another moment before she shakes her head. "One step at a time. Please. She's so young, I just…I don't want her to end up hurt this time as well."

"I'll give you some time." Abbie says giving Serena's shoulder a small squeeze before standing. "I'll see you at the wedding."

**The Big Day **

"Are you actually going to walk down the aisle this time?" Serena says jokingly as she makes sure Alex doesn't fall on her face while they're making their way down a corridor.

Alex makes a face before she sticks out her tongue and rolls her eyes. "Oh ha, ha, you're so funny." She sneers before taking a deep breath. "But I've been waiting for this day for I don't know how long Serena and it's finally here. I am determined for it to go the way that it's supposed to. I'm getting married! Finally! Can you believe it? Today is the day I'm finally going to become Mrs. Alexandra Novak. I feel like my heart gonna pop out of my chest right now. I'm babbling aren't? I'm sorry, I guess I'm just nervous. I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now."

Serena chuckles as she walks over to her best friend and places her hands on her shoulders. "What you're supposed to do right now, is breathe. That's what you're going to do. You're going to breathe and you're going to walk in there and marry the woman that you're so desperately in love with. That's what you're supposed to do Alex."

Alex nods shakily and opens her mouth to respond but jumps and drops her bouquet when the music starts playing. "Oh my god, this is it isn't it? That means we're supposed to go in. Oh god Rena, I'm so nervous."

"It's okay, you were nervous the last time too." Serena chuckles as she hooks her arm through the taller blonde's. "But this time I'm not going to let you run. Now come on, we've gotta get in there."

Alex nods her head and gives Serena's hand a tight squeeze before they make their way towards the doors. She takes several deep breaths and counts to ten several times before they make their way through the doors.

"Oh my god, she's beautiful." Casey breaths out as she watches her future wife walk down the aisle towards her. With each slow step that Alex makes, Casey swears that she feels her heart rate increase ten times faster. She watches patiently as the two blonde reach the altar where Serena gives Alex a kiss to the cheek before handing her over to her future wife.

"You look incredible." Casey whispers as she brings Alex's hand up to her lips and gives it a soft kiss before she laces their fingers and they turn towards the man who is to marry them.

"We are here today to join Cassandra Novak and Alexandra Cabot in a life of mutual commitment. It is fitting and appropriate that you, the family and friends of Cassandra and Alexandra, be here to witness and to participate in their union. For the ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect which they bring to their life together had their roots in the love and friendship and guidance you have given them. The union of two people makes us aware of the changes wrought by time. But the new relationship will continue to draw much of its beauty and meaning from the intimate associations of their past."

"Alexandra, Cassandra, remember to treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Take responsibility for making the other feel safe, and give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at some time or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not just the part that seems wrong. In this way, you can survive the times when clouds drift across the face of the sun in your lives, remembering that, just because you may lose sight of it for a moment, does not mean the sun has gone away. And, if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight."

"May you always need one another, not to fill an emptiness, but to help each other know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with each other, and not fail in the little graces. May you have happiness, and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another."

"No other human ties are more tender and no other vows more important than those you are about to take. Both of you come to this day with the deep realization that the contract of marriage is sacred as are all of its obligations and responsibilities"

"Ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. Commitment may well be a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, such that as we come together in marriage, we become a new creature. May we begin with the vows?"

"Do you Cassandra Novak take Alexandra Cabot to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"

"I do." Casey responds as she gives her and Alex's interlaced hands a reassuring squeeze.

"And do you, Alexandra Cabot, take Cassandra Novak to be your wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"

"I do." Alex answers warmly as she squeezes Casey's hands back, silently sending her the message that there is no chance she's going to be running this time.

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. Such is an impossibility, and even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern. May we have the rings please to begin the exchange?"

There is no moment for a moment and Casey glances over her shoulder at Abbie who seems to be in la-la land. She clears her throat exaggeratedly startling her out of her inner thoughts.

"What? Oh, uh, sorry, my bad." The brunette mumbles as she steps forward and hands over the ring box. "Sorry…"

Alex rolls her eyes playfully as she does the same and receives the ring from Serena. Oh what valuable assets to their wedding their best friends make. They couldn't do it without them, right?

The priest smiles and nods his head before continuing on. "Cassandra, place the ring on Alexandra's finger, and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

"With this ring, I thee wed." Casey repeats with a wide smile.

"I give you this ring, as I give to you all that I am as I accept from you, all that you are."

"I give you this ring, as I give to you all that I am, as I accept from you, all that you are."

"Alexandra, may you place the ring on her finger and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed."

Alex slides the wedding band on to Casey's finger and repeats, despite the slight tremor in her voice. "With this ring, I the wed."

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day."

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day."

The priest smiles warmly at the happy couple as he clasp his hands together. "If there is no person in this room that objects to the marriage of this beloved couple, by the power vested in me by the State of New York, I hereby pronounce you-"

"Excuse me, but I have an objection."

Gasps fill the room at the proudly announced seven words. Gasps turn into ever growing murmurs as the nervous looking blonde stands in the center of the aisle with her hand raised.

"I object to this marriage and I refuse to sit here and let it take place."

_To Be Continued…_

**Probably NOT the ending that you all thought you were gonna get from this story huh? Well like I said, in my defense, I did say that I was gonna finish it. Anyhow, as for the actually ceremony, I'm not married, and that part of the wedding is usually the part that I sort of space out on so I just copied something from the internet. I think it flowed nicely though. Anyhow, story 3 (that's right, bet you guys didn't think it'd be a series huh) of my Collisions Series will be posted some time in the future. But at least you guys will have Untouchable to keep your adorable little reader hearts occupied. **

**So for the last time on this story with a huge bombshell cliffhanger of an ending…leave your feedback! **


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